I moved back down the river bank, my mind spinning in contemplation of executing the Gunny’s plan, and feeling a bit sick to my stomach at the idea of it. Zippo and Fusner took their E-Tools and dutifully began to dig holes near where the other radio operators worked, but further back from the edge of the bank. I realized that both men were digging in closer to the jungle so when they left it would be less noticeable, but I didn’t want them to sneak away, no more than I wanted to. Nguyen hung back in a low crouch, watching everyone around him but primarily focusing his attention on staring intently across the moving water of the nearby river. The splash and chop of its rush permeated everything, as the sounds came at us and then faintly bounced back from the forward edge of the jungle.
I had no E-Tool of my own. When I needed one for bathroom business I borrowed it from Fusner, always feeling guilty because the ‘baby’ Marine radioman had a much heavier load to haul than I did. I knew my team would dig a hole for me without having to be told, but I wanted to spare them the extra work. I stayed low, knowing that, if the Gunny was right, then the night was going to explode into crisscrossing tracer fire sometime soon. Captain Carter was examining the far side of the river from his half-dug hole, while El Producto, his radio operator, continued to dig around him. I noted that Carter was using brand new Leica binoculars, the kind with a ranging reticle built in and synchronized focus capability, unlike my Japanese knock-offs that didn’t have and wouldn’t do any of that.
You are, indeed, producing a great read, Jim, and I am enjoying the segments immensely.
Permit me to point out some strands which do not tie together properly: Reference is made to the “Army Academy”, regarding Morgan, but in reality, there is no such thing. Rather, if U.S.Army, it would be called the “Military Academy”, or “West Point”.
However, Morgan is an officer of the U.S. Marine Corps, which means he would have graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy, or “Naval Academy”. The only possible exception would have been a transfer from U.S. Army to the U.S. Navy (and, ultimately into the Marine Corps); but such transfers were quite rare.
More likely, Morgan was a graduate of the Naval Academy.
My father was a mustang who joined the U. S. Army in 1940, and saw action with the 679th Field Artillery Battalion in Italy, France, and Germany during WWII…ultimately retiring in 1970.
My own military career was three years of service, beginning in 1966 as a draftee, followed by OCS, a commission as a 2nd Lt. In the Army, and duty in one of the Army’s specialized.Signal Battalions, in Germany. I make no claim, myself, to combat experience, but I do express open admiration for you and other combat veterans who saw action in the Hell hole of Vietnam.
I mention this background by way of establishing bona fides regarding another point which does not ring properly in your narrative: The umbrella scene involving Cpt. Morgan and his two Lieutenants. In all my years around and in the U.S. Military, I have never seen an umbrella used by any officer or enlisted person.
My remarks are aimed at making a great read even better.
Thank you for pointing out the intended direction of your criticism.
West Pointers may select the Marine Corps, although that is less and less common
in the modern era. This point is contentious on the Internet today and how it is actually done
or even if it is done anymore I have no idea.
Your take on what life is like in general has about as much application as my own.
That you have never seen an umbrella used by enlisted or officer….well, that means you have never seen that.
Life is made up of a number of observations when writing, some of them real and some of them not so real,
even if we may actually think of them as real. Your remarks are couched in a tone of deep scientific
or scholastic knowledge and understanding but the real world, although often responding to those areas,
isn’t really like that.
Appreciate the length and breath of your comment, although we don’t agree on a couple of issues.
Semepr fi,
Jim
I just got off the phone with Westpoint Admissions. Any graduate of Westpoint may select any of the services to become an officer in. It has always been that way and nothing about that has changed. 93 percent of last year’s class chose the Army, however.
This is a tough one….so little time…”Fourth Platoon is going with you”..don’t ask “why?”..just be thankful..you can wonder about the ‘why’ later…but you have to accept the fact that you are doing something right…even if you are hating yourself for it…You knew before you left Kilo that you would be back for them…maybe not consciously, but you knew it…and your Marines knew it also… they were just waiting for you to lead them.. Morgan…..you can lead that horse to water only so many times…but arrogance and pride have a way of biting you right in the ass sometimes…and all you can hope for is that it only bites him….but we know better this time…..just hoping to find out if El Producto made it out…would be nice… Amulets…there were two types we carried all the time..the first was good luck, given away by the guys that were leaving, going home, small momentos, an ink pen, a lucky coin, maybe a belt, and if you were really lucky, a picture taken the last day..standing together in the jungle…at least one of you getting out alive….the other amulet was something small to carry in memory of someone lost…again, something small and insignificant…no weight to it…anything that was his that his family wouldn’t miss…and some days you would take out the small bag, filled with tiny objects…and memories….. Semper Fi Lt..
As always, Larry, your writing mirrors my own and is sometimes better!
Thaks for the depth of what you write and the way you string the words together.
The stuff about amulets and things that meant something is not light stuff.
We lived and died by those things…as it was mostly all we had. It was like God had
abandoned us.
Semper fi,
Jim
To get out of this mess alive sounds like the perfect time for puff to rain some fire with a clear line the river between the nva and you puff can fire knowing where the nva are and cowboy can come in and look for stragglers. Nobody in there right mind is going to stick there head up when puff is firing should give kilo time to at least get in the bush for some cover and all of you’ll get out of that he’ll hole with fewest casualties. Surely some of kilo Sgt knew what was happening and they did not have there men fire blind and thus maybe at least some survive.
Yes, I had forgotten about how many stray rounds were generated when Puff was around.
I mean, if you were close, which I was a few times.
Thanks for the comment and the fact that you had to be there to know that…
Semper fi,
Jim
another great read, brings back memories that only the night use to.
Keep them coming.
Ron Frye Sgt 11B Nam ’67/’68
Working away on the 19th Day as I write this response. Thanks for the compliment and for putting it up on here.
Semper fi,
Jim
“You’re not a prisoner of war,” I said back. (“)You’re Company Commander Kemp, now, of Kilo Company.” Add quotes.
A rocket hit the mud not far from the hole and I scrunched down, [thinking that I’d just gotten the lieutenant up out of safety in order to take it for myself.] Jim, what are you trying to say here? Maybe “thinking that I’d just lifted the lieutenant out of his safe place in order to take it for myself”?
“Not the kind of war story you’re gonna wanna tell back home, Junior,(“) Sugar Daddy whispered into the silence between RPG blasts and our own round coming in. Add quotes.
Thanks for your sharp eye, Steve
Semoer fi,
Jim
“Not the kind of war story you’re gonna wanna tell back home, Junior(“), Quote mark needs to FOLLOW the comma…
Thanks again Steve
Semper fi,
Jim
Why do I get the feeling that the talismen these guys adopt is the same one that during street combat in Panama City had “opened” while on my tags running from cover to cover, a large blast from a 90mm recoilless team occurred nearby and I grabbed some real estate, I flopped hard on the gound at a full run crossing a street to feel a sharp pain in the middle of my chest, got back up (didnt want to stay there for long LOL) and hustled to the base of a building to catch my breath. As I was cat squatting with my back against the wall pulled my body armor and bdu shirt away from my chest to see what was causing the pain to find my P38 blade had opened and was imbedded 1/2 way in the dead center of my chest. Maybe its the fuzzy memory of sleep deprivation or the retelling of it over the years but I am pretty sure the tip was stuck in the sternum. Didnt have any time to do anything about it but pull it out of me, refold it and move on thinking I need to clean that before it gets infected and remember to at least rinse the p38 before I use it again. Still have a scar from it as a reminder the stupid stuff that goes on. I dont think I had the time to think more about it for at least 6 hours. It is funny the superstitions that are created in line units. Sometimes as jokes at first but they take on a life of their own. One of ours was not saying the R word in the jungles in Panama. Cause if you said it it was going to happen in 5 minutes or less and you were always struggling with either being soaked in sweat or rain or both and trying to avoid the prickly heat. You would actually get angry about people disregarding the rule and using that word Great reading as always
Thanks for that long and comprehensive comment my friend. What a story. The P-38 in the chest. Wow. Yes, weird shit goes on
around modern weaponry. Thanks for the comment and putting it up on here…
Semper fi
Jim
I sense a slightly used pair of Lieca binoculars coming your way. Just read the last 2 chapters. You know how to keep us on edge. Great writing as always Jim
Sly dog that you are…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim… Your story of stress under combat extends beyond just Marines to others who also served in Vietnam. I just attended the 50-year reunion of Alpha Company, 4/47th Infantry, 9th Infantry Division. Alpha company was part of a Brigade maneuver element of a joint Army/Navy Mobile Riverine Force operating in the Mekong Delta from 1967 through 1968. Over the 2-year period, Alpha company had 88 KIA. There were 50 vets (and about 26 spouses) who attended the reunion in Coronado, CA. Only two of these 50 vets completed their 12-month tour in Vietnam without being wounded. The 4-day reunion provided a cathartic release for these survivors, allowing them an opportunity to share their war stories and to remember their fallen comrades. Your book provides the same vicarious experience for others who haven’t experienced the horrors of combat.
Thank you Steve. Big compliment and thanks for telling everyone about your reunion and how it went.
I hope I am doing good althpugh it is hard, from my perspective as the write, to really tell except for comments on here…
which have stunned and amazed me.
Semper fi, and thank you so much,
Jim
Jim, you are seriously going to make me piss myself with these cliff-hangers.
Steve, I want to thank you for that upside down and backwards compliment! I don’t mean to write cliff hangers at all…they just come
packaged that way somehow…
Semper fi,
Jim
I know, but I’m not reading the next installment without wearing Depends…
Now that’s a funny compliment! Thanks for that mind picture…
Semper fi,
Jim
Why do I get the feeling your about get a new pair of the cool binoculars!!! Another great chapter sir…keep em coming… PS I hope the eye balls r healed up
Man, you don’t miss a thing! I cannot write ahead on here, of course, but sometimes you giuys just amaze me. Every time I think I have a big brain I run into people like you…
Semper fi, and thanks for making me smile and be satisfied…
Semper fi,
Jim
It’s sad guys like ElProducto went home in a bag because of some pricks’ ego. I think he knew when you pulled out they we’re screwed.
Do you really think he knew, Carl? I wrote it as it went down but I never thought that he might have figured out we were leaving and lying about it.
He might have learned from Fusner in their secret radioman communications. I remember his expression when he said those words and I am torn to think
he knew and I went. It is so hard to leave them behind now when I did so with seeming abandon back then….and thanks for the clarity you used in reading the story.
Semper fi,
Jim
James: I have often wondered how many KIAs/WIAs were the direct result of incompetent leaders at company level. The VC/NVA killed our guys with their weapons, but how many were set up by these officers, many trying to have their promotion ticket punched?
I don’t believe that promotion or medals were ever any kind of motivator once you got out into real combat in the Nam.
That was all gone right away just as soon as you discovered that you were not likely ever going to live or go home again.
There is no want or need of medals or promotion in that environment. Back in the rear with gear it was rampant though…unless they
got sent to the field…and then it was gone…Even after I got home I did not care about those things. My medals are in the basement in a plastic bag in a trunk. I think.
Semper fi,
Jim
I think the rank and file of Kilo company knew full well that they were under poor leadership. When your company left, it served to cement their opinions, no doubt. But your staying would have simply left more bodies to be put in the bags. Your continued presence would have served no useful purpose, and the captain’s ego was never going to allow him to take any bit of advice from you. Did some of them know? Strong probability, but a disciplined and seasoned company would have known better than to return fire at an unseen target. Hard decisions have to be made by the ones getting paid the big bucks. Wasn’t a game we played there, and the results are for keeps. You made the right decision. Your compassion for the losses shows your humanity.
Thanks Marshall, that’s a really nice and caring comment. And the compliment at the end.
I do think I have humanity although I left the Nam thinking I’d lost all that along the way.
For so long I could only feel deep dark regret and curse myself for not being what I considered
to be an acceptable officer. You see it in the work. Still there, some of it. I know now that
I do not have true innate courage. I can exhibit courage, but I’m not truly the courageous man
I thought I was when I was very young…and before Vietnam. Fear can bend me, like it did. That’s what I
really resent, but at the same time accept as part of being human.
Semper fi,
Jim
Its a tendency to rethink and relive the past trying to come to grips with it, find another way that it could have gone down, a better decision or choice. If I had only…. Since there is no other way you are stuck reliving that moment in the quiet times between when you are so busy trying to keep your mind occupied with living today and not on those decisions made so long ago.
Very astutely put Matt. I cannot agree with you more. When I discovered my cat Harvey dead by the side of the road as I drove to work four months back, I recalled going outside to call him in my bathrobe in the back yard near that road. The GPS said he should be somewhere right near the road only a few yards a why through the pines. Instead of going up the hill and through the pines to see, I went back in the house, got showered and ready for work before departing. The worst feeling came over me when I found his body. The feeling that if I had only ignored my appearance the what other people might have thought to go through the pines and look I might have been in time. And yes, that kind of thinking goes all the way back to the Nam and combat, I know. Thanks for the depth of your comment and your putting it up here for all of us to read…
Semper fi,
Jim
Sight not site. Some typos about 2/3 into your story.
Thanks, Mike…
In Eighteenth Day, Third Part
Site is what was intended.
I’m going back and forth as to wether you are really good at writing cliff hanger endings to your segments or if it was just that nonstop intense throughout September…
” one grenade” made me chuckle . My old platoon leader would always get bent when as he would say we ” were all nutsacked up! One grenade, Dipshits!”
As this segment ends I’m wondering how you get back to airbase without the prestaged machine guns picking you off – if gunny is right- which so far he seems to be. Maybe there is enough cover to wait for sandy in the am? Maybe not. NVA is definitely in a position to harvest the fruits of their patience…
Read and learn, as you excercise your big investigative brain in figuring out the problem. I did not come up with
a solution. Someone else did….
Semper fi,
Jim
The amulets///anything to do with fisters?
The amulets were superstitious collections of memorabilia, like the wampum things the American Indians used to put together.
Fisters is a term that was applied to Artillery fire support team members. I don’t get the combination of the two terms unless I’ve missed something.
The term ‘fister’ was already almost out of inventory by the time I went through Sill.
Semper fi,
Jim
The term “Fister” is alive and well. “FIST” is an acronym for FIre Support Team. This became an MOS (13F) for enlisted men. Not sure when, at least in the early eighties. I was 13F as spent time attached to 2nd Platoon 3/502 INF 101 ABN AASLT in Desert Shield/Storm. Good people. Looking forward to the next installment. Thanks. Kent.
Hey, thanks for that. I did not know. So many more knowledgeable guys on here than me about some details.
And you are one of them. Thanks so very much…
Semper fi,
Jim
Yes, FIST is 13F in the Army. When I was in ’87-’97, the term was in widespread use.
Kent, I was in the artillery battalion (1/320) that supported your brigade in the sandbox.
The sand box! I remember, now! I have not heard that term for the A Shau in all these years.
Thank you for the support. Thank you for bringing that phrase back. The sand along the sides of that Bong Song river.
Semper fi,
Jim
The amulet thing reminded me of the medic who was attached to our battery during Desert Storm. He wore around his neck a crucifix, a Jewish star, and a Wiccan symbol. I swear – I couldn’t make this stuff up.
I once asked him, “Hey, Doc, what’s with the different religions?” Completely serious, he replied, “Just covering all my bases.”
The whole ‘no atheists in foxholes’ thing comes to mind.
I resent the superstition I saw so much of over there, although I should have been more sympathetic I realize now.
Those kids were just reacting to their own terror in different ways than I was.
Thanks for this cogent and feeling comment…
Semper fi, and the funny part too…
Jim
Another great chapter! Edge of the seat reading every time. With both your writing and many of the comments by yourself and other Vietnam Vets I’m starting to get completely different view of the Vietnam War. At times it’s quite profound. You ALL have my respect.
On another subject, I was going wait before ordering The Bering Sea but after reading your comments I’m going order it now.
It is hard to come to judgment or arrive at conclusions regarding the war itself from the experiences of men like me.
The bush is a different place. Combat is not what people think and it does not matter what war.
Once you get out there you are beyond external awareness and control and that’s when everything changes.
As illustrated. The jungle provides a veil of secrecy over and above everything…
and so it was…
Semper fi,
Jim
Hey Lt. The short reference to the P38 hit me as I read the comments after reading The Eighteenth Night today. Have carried one in my billfold all these years after my time in country. I have never known or questioned why I just do. I have realized why just today. It serves as a Point of Contact to memories well buried. I can see other reason I would hang on to it. Maybe I will walk with a little lighter step now. Take care Lt..
I found one after I got back and carried if for awhile too, Wes.
I could never figure out why I kept it on me, because back here there was not needed.
The kitchen openers worked faster and much better. But I read what you wrote and now understand.
I didn’t want to lose my memories no matter how seemingly bad they were, but I did not consciously know that at that time.
Thanks for the illum on that.
Semper fi,
Jim
This is dirty, gritty and as real as it gets and I’m loving it. Don’t want it to end. You bring me back to my time with A Co. 1/3, 66-67, humping around KheSanh, living in the mud and rain. We also had as our primary mission, stay alive, keeping each other safe and sane and thank God, we had an Lt. who had our backs. Later we worked off the Okinawa and according to my official records, were involved in more operations than I remember.
Semper Fi.
Thank you Mike for the great compliment. I shall continue this day since I put up a segment yesterday and I seem to be in the groove
and back since my eye came back.
Thanks a lot for the motivation and for the support…
Semper fi,
Jim
Glad to hear your eye is working again Jim.
Yes, praise God…and your prayers, not to mention Nancy’s, as well…
Semper fi, my friend,
JIm
It is a blessing to hear you praise God and give Him the credit. After all, He created us for that very purpose.
One wonders what your doctor thinks about all of this, did he believe it to be a miracle?
He was the first to say that word. When he examined me following the second surgery he said the epithelium had failed and was hanging off the corner on the inside of the eye
by a threat. He said it wold take a miracle to save it. Then I went home to await the next surgery. When I could see I called to go in. When I got to the office he looked
at me all the way across the office and said “so, so we have a miracle?” and I replied “Indeed, I believe we do.” We both literally ran for a chair and he looked deep into the
eye. He said “there’s no way. I’ve never seen this before. we have 100 percent attachement of the epitehlium. Only God can explain this.”
He’s not a religious man. What can I say? What can I do?
Thank you for your prayer…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Not only did God give you a Miracle, He also touched your Dr. by seeing a miracle and has also touched those who prayed for you with miraculous answer. How Absolutely Amazing is that! God’s Blessings are on you and have always been.
Prayers for you always,
Nancy
You know I don’t see the doctor until the 25th.
We didn’t really go into any detail at all about
God and all. Should I say anything when I see him
or would that be truly idiotic?
Semper fi,
Jim
PS and then what would I say? this is not easy…
What a wonderful and timely act, by a loving God, who not only hears the prayers of faith, but also responds to them. I hope you share your blessings with those who need to hear about the faithful Lord we serve.
I just don’t know what to say, especially since I was in total denial when we first started writing on here. That was not that long ago. These
are pretty damned strange times and this site is stranger still. I would not even have prayed for help with my eye without you and Nancy.
I have no idea why your reached me and continue to do so…
But it is pretty damned neat.
Semper fi
Jim
James just say what is in your heart. You know that God has touched you and healed your eye. Thinking your Dr. already knows that also. It only takes the faith of a mustard seed for God to move mountains and He knew to show you how much He loves you that He needed to move that mountain. I am totally amazed and in awe of what He has shown you by healing your eye. What a total blessing. Every time I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes and I thank Him.
God loves you,
Nancy
Well, Nancy, Florence Nightingale has nothing on you! Thank you.
You always make me smile when I read your kind and openly
caring attitude toward somebody you’ve never even met.
That kind of makes the power of your words have more punch.
I read you. I listen as your words play in my mind.
And, of course, I do so with great thanks…
This site has effected me.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, pardon me for interjecting into your conversation here, but I, like many others read all the comments on here. They help like aloe on a burning soul. God does work miracles…and as Nancy and J have both stated he works other miracles thru your miracle. Prayer, I am sure, is the only reason I am here. My poor Mother prayed everyday for 3 of her sons during that war and we all came home. God has been good to me…that’s all I know, and he is in everyone of us…even if it is only in the tiniest corner of our hearts…he’ always there. We are just slow to recognize it sometimes… didn’t mean to preach…forge ahead.
Thank you Mark, I don’t think it ever hurts to read the surprising support of the vets and others who come on here and actually write what
they really think. I don’t know how this site became a repository for a good bit of that but I much enjoy coming on here and reading so
much truth. It’s so uncommon out in my regular world and life.
Thank you most sincerely, and…God bless you…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, I don’t mean to intrude here but Mark & Nancey are spot on. There is constant spiritual warfare all around us. I have personally experienced a healing miracle and know others that have as well. As you have seen and experienced this is Satans world but the closer you are with Christ the easier it is to defeat evil. I would suggest you fimd a good Company (church) with a spirit filled Gunney (preacher) who will train you in this war. You will find that your whole life will change with the wonder and blessings of it all. Don’t mean to preach, I read all of the comments and through your responses feel that you are a great individual.
Thanks David. I am following good advice, including your very own.
I do have a Gunny here and his name is Bruno.
My Gunny back here though wanted advice today on how to advise me and I thought that was pretty funny.
So I told him he had to assign reading and also to be exactly what he assigned himself.
My acceptance is a big part of his success, if he will see it that way.
Thanks for caring and for writing about it on here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, you asked what to say to the doctor about the miracle with your eye that you have experienced?
Answer, simply tell him the truth about what transpired as that is how the Gospel of Jesus Christ took root. Jesus performed many such miracles to get the attention of the people and look what happened!
I shall follow you advice once again and report back after my appointment. I don’t have any idea of why I feel a sense of trepidation about approaching that issue with him…or other people outside of the people on here…
Semper fi,
Jim
No reason to feel any trepidation, when you are revealing the love of Jesus to those who do not know Him. When you do, you are opening the door to the Kingdom of Heaven to those who never knew about it. That is precisely what Jesus did, when He was on His mission in Jerusalem.
It is always better to give life then to take it and do so, with love in your heart.
J, did not say I was right or wrong or anything else about trepidation. I said I was feeling it, whether that is justified or not.
I don’t exactly feel like going out there the world with my staff and my robe and my sandals and preaching the ways of the Lord.
I feel more like Don Quixote.
Thanks for the usual commentary and advice…
Semper fi,
Jim
James what you do with the gift of God’s love for you is up to you and solely between you and Him. His purpose is for you to know how much He loves you, that He exsists, watches over you and always has.
And no, I am not a Florence Nightingale, just a a pebble with a purpose who God sent to you among many others on your site. As a woman I struggled with writing to you on here because of how it would be viewed and the fact that who am I to talk to a gifted writer about God but then God flooded my mind with memories of how He has touched my heart and soul so many times, so My care of others perception ceased and I have let God guide me on the purpose He wanted from me which is simply to tell you He loves you and through this book He has a big purpose for you.
Nancy
Thank you Nancy….always nice reading the melody that waltzes right behind and along with your written lyrics…
Semper fi,
Jim
As an Army vet with 18 months in W. Ger 72-74 serving with guys who came back with the mental and physical scars your writing is bringing to life what they and many went through.
When Junior was talking to Ontos crew about changing to HE rounds they said they have to “move” the other rounds, maybe “remove”. Just my two cents.
Great writing and look forward everyday for next segment.
Thanks for the editing help, as Chuck is reading this to make corrections.
And thanks for the compliment and for writing it on here in the public view…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, never meant for you to don a collar or a robe or for that matter, to become a preacher. One understands that you are not ready for that kind of witnessing. My reference to Jesus and His actions in Jerusalem, was how powerful the witness is, when it is done by someone that has experienced a miracle.
The doctor should know how that miracle through faith occurred, as it was he that said you would need a miracle. Well you got one, so let him know how it came about. The doctor learned his profession through the practice of medicine, so just add to his knowledge with a little bit of faith.
Well, the image of me in that robe with sandals and all isn’t too bad. A bit humorous but not outrageously funny.
Thanks J.
Semper fi,
Jim
LOL, you never know, stranger things have happened.
Well, I cannot argue with that one, my friend…
Semper fi,
Jim
very much enjoying your story
Thanks Greg, and I much enjoy getting the comments…the most different of my life…
Semper fi,
Jim
“One grenade” !! Learned that in IRT at Camp Pendelton, 1964.
Guess we all sorta figured the Capt. wouldn’t make it, but is there still hope for the remainder of Kilo Company??
Standing by to find out and as usual- on the edge of my seat !!
Thanks for telling the story James.
SEMPER Fi
You shall know the butchers bill very soon Sgt. as I am writing on this late Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for caring and for the compliment
you write here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Another excellent segment.thanks for telling the tale. It has stimulated my memories. Some actually good.
I am sure glad that there are some good memories in there Frank. Not all bad, as all of mine were’t bad either.
It was just that the bad so overwhelmed the good where I was. Later on is better. Much later on!
Thanks for the writing and the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
“I didn’t have to go, but I had to go.” Tells us all we need to know about your character. Nuff said. You obviously agonize over decisions you made. Your heart was in the right place and that’s all that matters. Welcome home.
Yes, interesting line that. I didn’t realize it was sort of a tag line for life over there.
I was never really sure about anything but my heart was in the right place, or so I thought until later.
Fear replaces right and wrong many times.
Semper fi, and thanks for the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
My P-38 from the Nam, still hangs on my neck with my tags. “Don’t bunch up. One grenade will get you all.” My Fire team Leader. Short, round and black. My John Wayne. I would have followed Willie through hell in a gasoline suit. I can not think of Willie with out tears. “One grenade.” God you brought it all back. You never forget. You do get so you can live with it. Thanks Brother.
In truth, when I write, I don’t have a clue about guys like you reading along and, because you were there in that same thing, you get it. The words
become real and not something from a place I sometimes wonder isn’t deeply tied to my imagination. That it has all come back to real has been astounding to me
because before I started writing it was something and a time buried back there, with just parts of it popping out here and there as time went by.
It is uplifting when a part is sliced out of the whole, like a bit of pie or an apple, and presente back to me, like with the grenade comment.
Thank you brother for being my brother and, having traveled that trail of tears, being here for the rest of the journey….
Semper fi,
Jim
That is why most seasoned troops don’t talk about the war experiences. One memory brings back a host of memories.
Yes, there is that J. A deluge can result from the leaking of a small stream.
I know but you get more weathered over time.
Semper fi,
Jim
“I didn’t have to go, but I had to go.” This statement said it all to me.
Jim another great segment.
My copy of “The Bering Sea” arrive this afternoon. I am going to be reading it in between segments of “30 Days”, as I can.
Thanks Mike. I will need all the positive comments on Amazon I can get because before long the trolls will come along and
make their own weird branding points by leaving negative junk. You would think that I might get used to it, but I don’t really.
Thanks for the compliment of your loyalty and honor…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
It was exactly like that Mike. God, I didn’t want to go so many times. I did not want to get out of that hole.
What do you do? I saw Saving Private Ryan the first time and was glued, almost literally, to the screen for the
initial opening sequence on the beach. I felt it. I felt the guys wanting to just burrow in and not move inland
into those guns, even if it meant eventually being picked off. Thanks for the comment and experienced sentiment inside it…
Semper fi,
Jim
Well told on the edge waiting to see what happens moving forward! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Joe, it really is all about sharing, and I fully understand why most of my ‘audience’ on here
is made up of combat veterans. Hard for the uninitiated to really buy into it, but you know. You said the words, and you heard them.
You bled even when it wasn’t blood that was pouring forth. You walked those paths, blew those caves, hated that jungle, and loathed those bugs, but you
did it and you are back. Thanks for going along for this part of the ride…
Semper fi,
Jim
Emotional,Riviting,Difficult and Awesome writing James. Some how I knew you would go back to help. Your heart, care and feelings of responsibility for others has always shown through in this book of your story. God’s hand was definitely guiding your heart.
God Bless You!
Write on my friend.
Prayers for you always,
Nancy
What is right and what is wrong in a combat situation is a real tough thing to deal with, especially later on.
Who died at my hand and then because I ordered it, and who died by accident at my hand and then because I ordered it?
When is going back getting more people killed than not going back or going in another direction? And does it work
mathematically that way or is that just post combat traumatic relief kind of thinking.
Thanks for your constant faith and confidence. I will be in church tomorrow morning and part of the reason is you.
I don’t know what to think about that. You and J and a few more.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, so very good to hear that you are heading to church and giving God another chance to embrace you. Open your heart and allow your spirit to be free with the Lord. Trust in Him and not yourself. Remember, He made Abraham the father of His chosen people, because Abraham had unshakable faith in God!
Well, there is that. Had a good time there today, watching the preacher twist and turn trying
to explain some of Matthew’s weirdness about the wedding party.
I would have done something else with it
but its not my church and I’m not a preacher.
Thanks for the comment and the support here.
Semper fi,
Jim
Evening, Jim,
“I didn’t have to go, but I had to go.”
And it seemed always into the sound of the guns — explosions — fire — dark — Mission Up! Yes, moving to the Bird, Saddle up, strap in, Clear, Ignition…… Death rides a dark horse….
“Who died at my hand, Who died because I ordered it? Who died by accident at my command because I ordered it? Murphy’s conundrum? Is going back going to get more people killed than not going back? or going off in another direction?
Over there it was combat, It was all the same, Those who died by my hand, those who died by accident, Those who died because you went back, Those who died because you went in a different direction…. The Grim Reaper….. Murphy….. Chaos….. The Butchers bill will always come due no matter what you chose, You had no choice in the matter other than to do the best you could do in the matter, because there was always four other players in the game, Charlie, Murphy, Command, and Death, The deck was and always will be stacked Spade Ace, and the two Jokers at the top middle and bottom.
Your only choice was to do the best You were capable of doing, The Spade Ace, Jokers and Murphy were always wild.
So yet even today…..
“I didn’t have to go, but I had to go.”
Even today, I still ride to the sounds of the guns ….. the sound of those in distress……….
Semper fi/This We Defend Bob.
Wow, not that was a tome and a brilliant one, as well. Thank you for your take, your personal experience and your truthful reaction to it.
I will read and reread this passage for some time.
Thank you most sincerely for risking the writing of it.
Semper fi,
Jim
Spellbound…..still. Great work Jim
Thanks Jim. I need everyone who likes this to go on Amazon, buy the Bering Sea, and leave a review.
It helps keep this whole thing alive if my work isn’t all about Vietnam, even though it sort of it.
How could it not be after what you know now? How could I possibly not come home and fucked up all over the place.
I did hold together with my family. At least I had that and that was huge. But the rest?
And the Bering Sea gives you a glimpse into that afterward.
Semper fi,
and thank you!!!
Jim
Another excellent read Jim…I was struck by the line “my life was my wife and daughter”…seems like thinking of home was how many survived…and even though Gunny had no remorse, you still went back for Kilo and many of your men followed you…that speaks volumes to your leadership abilities, luck or not…they have someone that they can believe in now…and yes, you left me on the edge of my seat again…
Not leaving behind. The Corps fortified that belief deeply inside of me. I had been given a police dog that had failed police training when I was a Junior
in college. I had him for three months when I worked a summer at the Towing company on the Calumet River in Chicago. When I left the owner said that if I left the dog
he’d have him put to sleep. I could not take the dog back to college. I knew nobody in downtown South Side Chicago. I drove the dog to a quiet neighborhood and had him sit on the
sidewalk. I drove away. He just looked at me, fully expecting that I’d be back for him. I did not go back. But Bozo is still there with me, like a lot of the guys from the Nam.
I never did that again, not to man or beast. I will finish my days never doing that again. We go back for your guys and gals. No matter what, in the Corps and back here.
It really is that important…to them…and to us.
Semper fi,
Jim
So true Lt. “You call, we come.”
It’s about our brothers in arms.
Yes, it is all about that when it comes down to it.
Out there in the field the causes get lost and it’s a reduction process until you are down
to the foundations and core. of the Corps..
Semper fi,
Jim
Just a dog story. Those that flunk out of police training are already damaged souls of the dog world. Oddly enough I have owned two although I have never sought to own any. One came with an auto-salvage and wrecker service I bought, a genuine junkyard dog. I could almost fill a book with stories about him. Pure bred doberman obviously by his look and history but no other information. Dangerous as hell in some respects, a pretty good dog in other ways. Sometimes a bit of training would pop in and things would get freaky. A man pointed his finger at Beaux while talking about a dog like him and Beaux went from laying on his side to airborne in an instant! The man turned and cowered, Beaux goosed him in the ass, turned around and laid back down. ???
This is the last chapter of the Beaux story. Somehow he had gotten out. An animal that athletic will find a way out with over 2000′ of 8′ fence and wall to patrol if and when he really wants to. I passed by the yard to feed him and found him out. I was on the way to a scheduled event with my family and had little time. I found him under a car in the parking lot and tried to call him out, he growled. Unusual, we are usually tight. I got down and closer and called again. He growled again. My last police trained dog put a wound in his owner’s arm that took over two hundred stitches to close when he grabbed a collar and tried to drag him. A little more coaxing, more growls, and I had to leave. No way in hell was I grabbing Beaux’s collar when he was already acting strangely. When I dropped my family at the house and came back Beaux was dead in the highway. He was road smart, almost think he knew his time was up and he killed himself. A good dog, he just wasn’t quite right. I miss my buddy sometimes.
Pets are not pets for some of us.
They are actors in this earthen drama we pass through of major proportion.
And they are definitely rational and cogent in their way, which is never a way we can fully understand.
But they do love and they accept love in return…and they hurt just like us too, or maybe even more…
Thanks for your story. I read it with deep interest and understanding…
Semper fi,
Jim
The gunny is a true enigma. Hard for me to square him abandoning Kilo. Once again you got my heart racing! Hope to see your brave effort rewarded! Nicely done Jim and Semper Fi!
The Gunny did not see it as abandoning Kilo. He saw it as maximizing the survival of the Marines directly under his control
and himself too. I could not fault his reasoning. I just couldn’t follow it either, especailly since I felt, and still feel, like I knew
what was coming and could have taken much stronger measures in stopping it. Even shooting Morgan and the two lieutenants would have been better.
But its combat. Thinks happen so damned fast and they’re so hard to try to take back.
Semper fi,
Jim
This story is so powerful and pulls one not only into the scene but right in the hole to survive with you.
Not to bright of Sugar Daddy to light that lighter. The NVA zeroed in on you instantly.
At least you have gained respect from a lot of the men or so it seems.
Thanks for another chapter so quick. Damn close to book two now.
Keep stomping knowing it’s tough as hell.
Funny how you predicted something so quickly here, as you will see in the next chapter, half written when I read this!
You are not the first but it takes uncommon reading and intellect to figure out accurately what might be ahead. Nice work.
and thanks for the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
Dang you James,
Here I am back to checking 3 or 4 times for a new segment. Did not really have time to read another segment right now but can’t stop myself. Eyes must be doing better since you are pumping them out again?
Great segment as usual……
Ken
Thanks Ken, really means a lot to me what you guys say. Yes, the yes is back and a godsend. Thanks for the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
The real wonder in all of this is having a senior combat hardened NCO. He must have been passed over and shitcanned to the field because he was a “warrior” and not presentable in admin…..
I did not know and I have never known. I presume you are right because in one way or another, most of us in any position of authority were
shit canned men. Even Fusner and Stevens were dumped from their prior units in the rear. FNG could come in as replacements though, and I think they
simply had bad luck. Thanks for the comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
“Junior” was in ROTC before receiving his commission? I PLC while in college or OCS after enlisting were the only options. Am I mistaken?
ROTC, transferred out in Senior year because of no more money left. Into a University where there was no ROTC, which is the same thing as quitting the program
without finishing. The punishment back then for doing that, no matter the reason, was immediate induction as a private upon graduation. I receied my draft notice
the same day as I graduated. Only the Marine Officer program kept me from being inducted. I went stright to OCS and then the Basic School and then Fort Sill for Artillery
School and then stright over. While in the Basic School I set three Marine Corps records physically. I was in tremendous shape with unbridled enthusiasm and drive.
So, you guessed it.
Semper fi,
Jim
That’s one way to get rid of the Captain.
And don’t think I don’t think about that to this every day….and the nights. Yes, it sure was one way.
Was that on the Gunny and my mind that night? Was that thought just laying there? We left Kilo and Morgan, and our positions on his flank,
and we did so without orders. Hell, we left against direct orders given in combat. Jesus Christ! Yes, it was one way. Yes, it was one way. Yes, it was one way. God damn it!
Semper fi,
Jim
Sounds like you want to be beat like the monks used to do, to be free from your guilt. But is it a just guilt? You tried to talk with Morgan, but he was mocking you as he had done in all of your previous meeting with him, including radio transmissions. When you informed him about going to meet with your company, he did not command you to stay, only to man the machine guns if fire broke out from the enemy side. You were not ordered to stay, according to your own description in this chapter.
Morgan made up his own mind concerning both him and Kilo company and that was not about to change. You know that and we know that! As one recalls, you saved his company twice during ambush, that we have read about in this story. Never once did he give you any credit for doing so and even tried to blame you for the loss of his men, when they were being attacked by Charlie. One can understand Gunny’s attitude toward the Kilo company commander, as he was his own worst enemy. All men lost in his company were his responsibility, not yours! That is a fact that cannot be denied.
Since Morgan did not take over your company by command, you were not part of his company. That being the case, you belonged with your own company, you know, the one that saved Morgan’s ass and that of his men, more than once. It was Morgan’s choice not your’s Jim, so your guilt is not authorized or called for, end of story and guilt!
No, I am not self-flaggilist J.
I understand the nature of what happened, the on purpose parts and the accidental.
Nobody wanted any of our guys to die but there were required ‘swaps’ that had to take place
and judgments that could not be avoided to be made.
Yes, I saved Morgan only to let him die, as the situation required.
I know.
But thank you for your care and comments here…
Semper fi,
Jim
James had you all stayed it would not have changed one thing for Morgan and Kilo. Neither you are the Gunny wanted Morgan dead that is why you went back. Morgan made a bad decision which cost him his life and would have cost more lives. Anyone reading this segment should understand that.
Thanks Nancy. Much appreciate the logical defense. Nothing works logically as we recall though.
As you know. But I really apprecitate the sentiment.
Semper fi,
JIm
Stomping the snakes. Damn. Seventy two years old and I am still stomping. I could have, I should have, if only….. I have heard it said by Brothers that you don’t have to do it alone. Yes, you do. But it’s good to have a brother on you six.
You and I stomped the snakes and stood toe to toe with the monster. Alone. P.T.S.D.? Shell shock?, Disgraceful to admit. It showed the world we were flawed. Some of our Brothers and Sisters, lost the fight and punched out. Our loss to be sure. They are doing it now at a rate of 22 per day. 64% of those are vets from the Nam. Unconscionable Good news? yes. You can learn to live with it. At age seventy two I am as as happy as a man can possibly be. Once in a while, I even sleep through the night.
If a Brother or Sister is reading this,know, my door, my home is open. Don’t punch out. Come to my house and I will take your six for as long as it takes.
That’s what Brothers do.
That is the neatest invitation. I wonder how many guys like me sat out in the cold parking lot in front of VA without going inside
because there seemed no one to go to in there. You would have been some real warm comfort, even if for just a little while back then.
How could anyone know? How could we know that anyone else could know? Today, with what happened when I did go in, I’d be locked up.
I threatened an old doctor’s life. He told me to go and I did so I survived that round! I had started to tell him what was bothering me and
he said that if I thought I was going to get money from the system by trying the PTSD shit that I was out of luck. That didn’t go over well.
He said that you could never prove that you had PTSD so I closed the door and talked to him for a bit about dying in that office that day.
I think I reached him but I could never have gone through with it. Not after everything.
Semper fi,
Jim
To be first to comment, an honor. You are setting new standards for yourself as this story gets deeper into the “shit”. Now can’t wait for sausage making rounds to defend you and yours. The writing is making me take this personal. Guess that is your intention at times. Love this particular piece, a short story that could stand alone in the telling. You are not disappointing any as we come looking everyday. Thank you Skipper. Poppa J
As you know, Poppa, I don’t recognize one segment from another when I write it.
Is one better than another, or worse?
Some people close keep saying the latest one is best no matter which latest one it is!
But, for me, I am just laying it down and this part of the valley and this part of the story is poignant,
not just because of enemy action but because we did such despicable things to one another.
I left Morgan like a thief in the night, against direct combat orders and to his and many of his men’s death.
Yes, I went back and I think even cold-blooded Sugar Daddy went with me because he couldn’t take that load either.
I don’t know though because we never discussed it. Here I can tell the whole traitorous thing and it helps.
I am sorry Captain Morgan. God damn it I am sorry. But there was that A Shau and I was so young
and I didn’t know shit about anything, although I thought I did.
And I was so tired and hungry and scared. Bitter scared. Scared stupid comes to mind.
Anyway, there is is for all of you guys to take a look at and see what you might think…
Semper fi,
Jim
This answer came on another Sunday morning when I am not going to usual church service, again, I could beat myself up more for not forcing myself there but truth be known my body is wearing out. It isn’t as easy and automatic to do all the stuff it requires to get ready early in the morning. Poor me, right? This morning was meant for reading your reply. you really opened up in a way that your reason for writing is a gut wrenching drive to atone. Jim, you are a good man to which no argument can be truthfully made. But there was only one Man without the burden of sin until He took them up on his own volition so that we can can chose to lay ours at the feet of our God who became a man so that we can receive the freedom to lay them down no matter how heavy, or onerous, or soul searing. How it happens that there is that much Grace available, I do not know, but I know it is there, because I put mine down right there. It happen when I was alone in public, inside a VW bug yelling at God as I remember, but I know that even that is forgiven. Whatever hurt or harm I may have been responsible for was taken away, and everyday I am reminded that I layed it down, and what I want for you is that you can do it too.
There I said it, I am a crazy old man spouting off about some crazy story which at times I wish I could tell more often, but fear of the memory of past wrong doing, and even today’s wrong doing gives me doubts that that day was real. Then, I am reassured at the very moment of doubt that it was real. What I wish is that you can have that same blessing, because I hate seeing a bad memory beat up, a very good man.
Sermon as terrible as it was is over for good, leaving you with word that I am waiting for my copy of “Bering Sea” on its way from Amazon. Anxious to see your talent in another life you have lived, Bubba. Poppa J
Ha, the angst of a brilliant man, on my behalf, no less. Thanks for coming at this stright from the heart. I am honored that you are concerned about my state of mind, and that state of my soul
we’ve marginally discussed over time J. I hope you like the Bering Sea as that adventure could never have happened that way without the foundations of Vietnam. I was able to use parts of my
earlier violent life and convert them into better outcomes, at least from my perspective.
Thanks, as always…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim you don’t need to sleep. Just keep typing!! Ha!! Shock us some more cause we love it!
Cary
DUSTOFF Medic ’70-71
Something a dust off medic would say! You guys had clangers over there and probably back here too.
Thanks for what you do and or did Cary. I will keep them coming as long as I last it out.
Hey, go get The Bering Sea on Amazon and help me out with a review….and also learn more about
what I became as time went by.
Semper fi, and thanks for that lift…
Jim
How do you keep getting in the deep shit ?
When you go into the A Shau in an infantry unit you come to find later that you have
entered a place that always has you outnumbered and outnoumbered by rested experienced troops.
And your supporting fires are going to be iffy, along with resupply. Put that all together with
trying to move and accomplish anything at all and you might get the drift…
I didn’t keep getting into shit. I was living in it.
Semper fi,
JIm
Thanks for another great segment.
Thanks Rick, my pleasure, as much as that can be said on a subject like this…
Semper fi,
Jim
OOPs Here’s the link:
https://images.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=AwrTccNfU.JZ4OgAbGwnnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTEyYThrYzNjBGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDQjQ3NzBfMQRzZWMDc2M-?p=C+Rations&fr=yhs-mozilla-002&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-002#id=427&iurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FoaVtYPR8pmI%2Fmaxresdefault.jpg&action=close
Thanks Dan, got it and it’s a great one…
Semper fi,
Jim
Another great chapter!
Here’s a link to some pictures of “C-Rations” includes a couple pictures of the “can’t do without P-38” can opener! Thought you might find interesting. Even a picture of a CH-46 doing re-supply of C-rats. I don’t think any are copyrighted so could probably borrow them if you wanted.
Thanks Dan, that’s a real treasure trove and I much appreciate the time and effort…
Semper fi,
Jim
I don’t reckon your ever going to get out the shit Lt. You’re a good marine and I do appreciate what went through and what you stood for Semper Fi
Thanks for the compliment and for liking the writing Tucker.
Semper fi,
Jim
Keep up the momentum LT, This is some serious good stuff. Too absorbed to worry over the typos others will surely catch, this is good reading
Thanks Sgt. Much appreciate the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
Another CO gone. Wow!!!
Yes, B, they sort of came and went like flies or maybe the mosquitos…
Semper fi,
Jim
I said last time about out of the pan into the fire, but more into ashes an embers ;Hell times 2 or more most days.
Yes, you did. I recall. There was not end to the A Shau, except one.
Thanks for the words here and the sentiment…
Semper fi,
Jim
You probably have a bigger company now if lt Kemp is smart enough to stay with you the ontos and the gunny and he and what is left of his company will live longer.
Thanks for the predictions here Jlb. Can’t say what’s coming up as you know.
Appreciate the comment a great deal.
Semper fi,
Jim
“We moved fast but stayed as low as we could. It was becoming almost too dark to see the holes that had been dug along the way and it would be treacherous for any of us to mistaken step into one of them.” need to add ly to mistaken to make it correctly modify step. mistakenly.
another spell binding chapter
Thank Albert.
Noted and correted
I’m glad you went back.
Thanks Glenn. Sort of had to the way my brain of the time wsa organized.
Glad I did now too…
Semper fi,
Jim
Just when you think it can’t be a better story …!!!
Thanks James, that compliment helps me keep going…
Semper fi,
Jim
The man around me in the bottom of the hole didn’t move, and I made no attempt to disturb them. The “men”
He indicated that his men could do what I needed but they had to move unload the flechette rounds first… but they had to “move” or “unload”.
I didn’t check to see if these edits have been previously submitted. Semper Fidelis.
Thank you, Mark.
Noted and corrected.
Semper fi,
Jim
just friggin awesome. Keep it coming
I am on it this very night and will keep pumping them out now that my eye is in better shape.
Semper fi,
Jim
Your tour over there could have fallen into Joey Heatherton’s nether regions and come out smelling of rot and shit! Even knowing the outcome I have a hard time thinking the worst with every step you take. You’d make a great storyteller if this weren’t, oh, never mind, shoulda kept one of those “eyes only” stamps from the Bureau. Good work here, Jim, take a breath.
I am back in the groove, what with my eye thing in full retreat. Thanks for looking out for me, in Kansas and even here.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
these cliffhanger endings, I curse you and love you. keep up the great work. Ozzie the brown water
sailor.
Thanks for the curse and the love…and the compliment inherently buried in the bifurcated meaning.
Semper fi,
Jim
I’m hooked on this story and read them as soon as you post them. Good work!
Thanks Larry, I shall have another out before you know it.
Semper fi,
Jim