Arch Patton
DOWN IN THE VALLEY
Chapter 9
By James Strauss
The Humvee proved to be empty, an enlisted Marine wearing no rank exiting the vehicle as Matisse and Arch got in. The heavy armored door slammed shut and the driver took off. There was nobody else in the Humvee.
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
head height by the edge of gate.
Add “the” before “gate”
head height by the edge of the gate.
“Sorry,” he followed up with to Arch, almost immediately.
“to Arch” seems unnecessary
“Sorry,” he followed up with almost immediately.
OR maybe change word order
Almost immediately he followed up with “Sorry.”
took out a few Ibuprofen tablets and popped them into his mouth.
/ OK but Arch threw away the Ibuprofen given to him at Tripler /
Chapter 7 : He tossed the bottle of Ibuprofen in the same can he threw the sling into. The physician’s assistant had arrogantly explained to him that although he claimed to be in a lot of pain his non-verbal behavior only supported a prescription of Ibuprofen.
you need toet her go
you need to let her go
“He nailed my hand first.
End quote
“He nailed my hand first.”
You broke bones,”
Open quotes
“You broke bones,”
“Ha’iku,” Arch said, off a sudden.
Maybe add “all” change “off” to “of”
“Ha’iku,” Arch said, all of a sudden.
Different spellings
“Ha’iku,” Arch said
“Hai’ku Stairway,”
“What’s Ha’iku Stairway?” Arch asked
/ and I see both versions when I Google it.
/ Ha’iku is used by Wikipedia
Let’s change Hai’ku Stairway to
“Ha’iku Stairway,” he said slowly,
bar Pupu menu
checking out the PuPu menu
/ Seems Pupu is more commonly used
Change checking out the PuPu menu
to checking out the Pupu menu
I read the history of the stairs and the commo site there. Let’s see where this leads.
Blessings & Be Well DanC
“… a single gold star pinned…” Aren’t Marine General’s stars silver?
They can be either, depending upon the uniform and the occasion, according to a Marine General I know.
Interesting question, however.
Semper fi,
Jim