I.C.U. was nothing more or less than a long single room with three beds in it. There were no windows, no television set, but, I noted as I was wheeled in, there was the ubiquitous large clock mounted on the wall over the doubled doors that had split down the center to allow my bed through. The clock ticked loud enough to hear across the room and its big second hand clicked from one second to the next. The middle bed was missing so I knew I wouldn’t have to be transferred from bed to bed, an agonizing process.
Corporal Shoot approached the side of my bed and fussed with some of the tubing still running out from both my wrists and my neck. At some point in my hazy drug state, only truly interrupted by the hour or hour and a half when the pain brought frightful clarity back into my life until the morphine deadened it again, they’d removed the I.V. that had been running in my thigh. I could move my legs again, as those restraints had been taken off, as well. Although not painful, the wrist restraints were terribly uncomfortable because I couldn’t move my torso almost at all, and just laying frozen in the same position, angled a little higher or lower by the cranking of the bed, didn’t quite give me any sense of freedom at all.
Shoot stuck a chunk of ice into my mouth without asking me if I needed it. “The cottonmouth thing is a function of the opiates in your system,” he said when he saw my frown, “and you’ve got a load of that circulating around.”
Edit – – were not isolating each one of us in the “until” ?? Should read unit ?? IDK..
What a crock having an inquiry like that, but I guess i get it that they wanted to get it from you while still a breathing & semi-coherent Marine.
Glad the COs wife was stellar !!
SEMPER Fi
Barbara remains in my memory to this day, the Captain’s wife. I still see her as older than me but there was no way as I am so old now.
She, Kathy, Puller, Masters and Shoot were my lifeline, not to mention Johnson too.
Semper fi,
Jim
Served in Dco,4/31 196th LIB fro 68-69. We were sent to Camp Evans in 68 to perform camp security outside the base while 1st Air Cav left the camp to operate in Asha Valley. I was aware at that time of the horrors already met for those who entered or flew through that valley. Gods blessing to those who died and those who survived that hell hole. Viewed rocket attacks on Camp Evans from the Asha mountains and had some incomimg while our company sat on the tarmack awaiting chinooks to take us back to our AO in the Que Son Valley. Happy to leave that part of I Corps. Much respect for you and your fellow Marines. Immensly well written trilogy.
Thank you
While nothing like this ever happened to me, I ran into an old high school friend not long after I got back. He told me a story similar to what you have talked about. They got hit real hard one night and it got down to hand to hand. He wound up getting stabbed, in a bad place I believe, and in short got a meeting like you without representation. It did not turn out well. Thank God for Shoot!
We used to have the same saying he gave you as he walked out. Only a little more descriptive. It got us through every day and night. It’s all we had. I have a feeling it will work for you also.
I, along with the rest, will be patiently waiting.
I have never read anything written about war like this…
Thank you, Jim.
Share with friends, please
Jim
Thank goodness for your continuing to write your story in the Cowardly Lion. I had become so riveted to what was happening and so amazed at your brilliant ideas to fool the Vietnamese, that I couldn’t bare for the story to just end. Thank you for going on and finishing. How dare they even think of reprimanding such heroes? I so want to know what happened to Gunny and Nguyên. How lucky you were to have them along with Fessman, Zippo and Cowboy. You were all such heroes. Thank you for all you endured. It was too much to ask if you brave men.
Thank you for your support, Marilyn.
There will be more coming shortly regarding Nguyên and Gunny.
You may have sent that Gunny’s son has been commenting here. (Dwayne Herberich)
Chuck Bartok mentioned you were friends. I was fortunate meeting him in 1970
Thanks again,
Jim
Summer after high school I started the Summer term on college. I was a SSG with 2/502 “Strike Force” 101st Airborne, 1970. Made two combat assaults in to the heart of the Ashau. Was nicked in June and took a dust off trip to the 85 Evacuation, then to Guam, then to Walter Reed, was released from the Military March 4 and limped into Va Tech on March 12 to finish up my degree. It has been a long and winding road. Am proud to be here. I was a college boy Shake an Bake E-6, and they gave me a medical retirement.
James, your three “Thirty Days” books brought back a whole host of memories that were probably better left buried, but they are part and parcel of what I am today. No regrets.
And now your hospital stay, and the golden aura of the morphine reaching and enfolding you. Too many memories sometimes. THOSE I really wish I’d been able to keep buried.
BTW – those scars? At Bethesda NH, we called them “zippers and belly buttons”.
Truly enjoying your writings – you are extremely gifted, and have been fortunate to have had a very interesting life. Sure not tucked away on a farm someplace out in the countryside.
Once again, I am pretty much speechless, and that is saying something for an old gabber like me! God bless you, you and others have already been to Hell, didn’t find it to your liking so came back. I can’t compare the difficulty in writing about this vs the thirty days series but this, to me, is much more difficult to read and realize the depths of despair you must have felt at times. True , unflinching grit!
Sir, when you described how the morphine allowed you to not ven feel the sheets you were lying on- it’s exactly the feeling, or non-feeling, I felt in the hospital in Da Nang. My wound wasn’t anywhere as serious as your’s or others, but the relief of the morphine wS similar. I received a round through my groin and 10” of my right leg.Lucky! Anyway, this book is on par with “September.” Keep it coming.
Semper Fi!,
Thank you for the support, Richard.
Semper fi, Jim
“were not isolating each one of us in the until.” (unit?)
These memories have got to be almost as full of trauma for you as the actual combat which got you there.
Still not knowing how your troops fared has to be difficult as well.
I can feel that this book is going to be just as tough for you to get through as “Thirty days” had to be, but also have the feeling it is good for both you, and all the vets invested here, to get it out.
I thought the Cowardly lion would be easier, but it really isn’t to write. You see, the memories stay buried deep until I begin the litany of recall for the
story and they come cascading back. You are a great judge of your fellow man, and of me.
Semper fi,
Jim
James,
Thank you for all you went through serving our country. Your writing reminds me that bullets are real and so is the damage they bring. My father was a Marine in WWII, 1st Marine Division. He took a machine gun up his leg. As a kid I would run my fingers over the scars & ask him if it hurt? He only said Now it doesn’t hurt! He died when I was 10 years old… so I never really understood how serious wounds & rehab are.
Again, thank you for all you’ve given in your service. I am deeply moved.
Sincerely
Steve Ward
My grand kids have done the same to me, when they were younger. I said about the same thing, as your dad.
They call my wound scars things like ‘war bumps’ and ‘battle holes,” which is kind of entertaining.
Thanks for such a heartfelt and openly emotional comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Man! Another cliff hanger ending. Not sure which way this story is heading, but…. You survived and are here to tell it. What matters with survival is what you do with your life after. I would guess that you hung in there and continued to lead a productive and successful life. Congratulations.
I remain unaware that I write some cliff hanger endings to chapters.
To me, they just end where they are supposed to. Sometimes I would like to apologize for a life that has not been truly believable.
How the hell could I land in an ICU bed between two world famous general’s sons? Oh, come on! But there I was and I have to write it as it
went down. Why did God do this to me, or for me, or about me….I have no clue, but I much appreciate your comment
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, I continue to enjoy your writing and look forward to reading each segment as you release it. I served with L 3/26 and my first duty station was at Khe Sanh beginning in December 1967. I was there during the siege and the hill fights. Today I also watched your interview with Peter Wright and Kathleen Beauvais. A great job by all and very interesting. During the course of that interview you mentioned some facts about the number of troops who actually served in combat and experienced combat. I do not remember the exact numbers but you mentioned that of the million plus persons serving in Vietnam only about 375,000 served in combat and that 362,000 of that number were either KIA or WIA. I am not disputing your numbers but I was very surprised by these facts. I would have thought that many more would have been engaged in combat. What is the source of your information. Looking forward to the next episode of Cowardly Lion.
Go on the Internet Charlie. It’s all there. 2.7 million were there in the Nam. 375,000 were in ground combat. 362,000 were killed or wounded.
How many guys like me came back and recovered they wits about them, the memory of what they’d been through, the talent to lay it down? i don’t know,
but I think I am in pretty rarified air. God gave me something, and I am still, after all these years, trying to figure out wha it is he gave me and
intended. I much appreciate the acceptance so many vets, like you have given me. I will sleep better at night, but will never be a regular citizen about that.
Thanks for being here for me. I know you are here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Just when I thought that I would never find anything as riveting as Thirty Days… you come out with the Cowardly Lion. Thank you.
I had no idea. I really didn’t. I thought, after 30 Days, that nobody would read Cowardly.
I keep telling it but sometimes I feel totally alone as so many passed out of life around me,
first in the Nam and then later on.
You, and those like, fill me with life and re-invigorate me.
Thank you so very much.
Semper fi,
Jim
2nd para “Although not painful, his wrist restraints” referring to yourself in the third person? is that what you meant?
“Shoot walked out through the double swinging doors, leaving them gently waving as if saying goodbye, he hadn’t spoken. ” how do you mean, “he hadn’t spoken?”
“especially down in a place so miserable in every physical way, ” extraneous comma there? seems to read better without it.
“suspended down with small chains and hooks, were not isolating each one of us in the until.” did you “unit?”
“another charge of the North Vietnamese Army of getting ready to…” “or?’
Thanks for your sharp eye.
Noted and corrected.
Jim
Wow, another riveting chapter James. Looks like a desperate case of C.Y.A. for the boys at command. I go back to your first night in country where you had the balls to tell it like it was. High command living in comfort and guys just coming in from the field living in a hovel. Your were fortunate to have an Advocate who appears to know right from wrong.
The gift of the few. The Gunny, Zippor, Tex, Fusner and so many more in combat, and then Kathy, the captain’s wife, and Shooter.
So many good people that helped me to survive. Mary Straus; That generally unnamed wife and Julie that daughter I sought so hard to
get back to. I later felt great remorse for the men that did not have that. Thanks for the great comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
“Two gold stars” should be silver, these recollection have to exact a tremendous toll on you, but they must be cathartic as well. We readers of much less experience are grateful for your story and admire the grit needed to bring it to us. Semper fi, Jim!
I am sorry about that apparent mistake, which is obviously was, as so many have told me. I draw almost all my work from
memory. I saw the stars that way at the time and that stayed with me even when I saw only silver ones afterward through
the years. Thanks for the heads us so I can fix it on edit.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Summer ’66 moved from Ohio to Texas, prepared for college
Summer ’67 Navy Boot camp between Freshman & Sophomore year, back to college
Summer ’68 Began Active Duty aboard Ship
Summer 69 Yankee & Dixie Station Viet Nam
Thank you for another riveting chapter. You are one tough cookie!
Wow, you were busy.
Thanks for your support, John
Semper fi
Jim
Good grief, Lieutenant
My opinion is that the Inquiry should have convened after you regained your full senses , and ability to understand what was going on, and the ability to answer those question’s head on and truthful . You had already more than earned that consideration !
I figured later, that they convened because i was dying and they wanted the data.
You will see in the next chapter what I’m talking about. Thanks for the great comment.
Semper fi,
JIM
I have to believe that God was looking out for you. You are truly blessed!
I did not believe that God was looking out for me at the time. I now do. I am not sure why I was
required to write the 30 Days trilogy, nor the books that detail what happened after. But here I am.
Self publishing stuff that no publisher will ever pick up, but the real deal guys and gals do.
They get it.
Semper fi,
Jim
Ok, now please explain this to me LOL. How do you make this chapter every bit as tense as the in-country ones! Incredibly well done!
I Have no clue as to the effect of what I write will be received. None. I just sit out there in coffee shops writing and then edit as best as I can and send it off to Chuck, my great friend. to be published.
Thanks for helping me know that the writing has impact.
Semper fi,
Jim
Hanging on every word..even more than 30 Days. Great work. Why is it that a**holes are almost always in charge?!
The brass covers it’s ass! Unbelievable for them to have a Board of Inquiry while you were still in ICU. That’s a pitiful bunch!!
Why do we assume the board is interested in you It might be some one higher up You die no need to do anything you live they have plenty of inquiry time You weave a great tale Of course you have done this all through the first three books They are very insightful reading Keep up the good work
Holy Shmoly! I can’t believe ( yes I can I guess) the Birds would do that to a guy. I’m dying to know if Chesty comes in. I bet he’d dress those pogues down.
Fascinating…court of inquiry…while you are in such a condition…! Waiting in anticipation for the next chapter!
Figured out later Walt that they thought I was going to die and rushed to get my testimony before I passed.
How else to explain that kind of seemingly cold behavior.
Semper fi,
Jim
From “30 Days” and the knowledge that Division doesn’t know or care, I would be surprised if they behaved in any other way.
Is it just me or can I , in my mind, see the three colonels shrinking down in there chairs, and is that a smirk on that Sgt’s face!
I figured later that they had to get my testimony before I died. I didn’t think of that at the time.
I don’t recall their demeanor as the drugs dimmed so much into the distance.
Thanks for the great comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Can’t believe the court of inquiry with you in this state. My summer after high school i went to work full time and ate like crazy when i finally had a little extra money. my brother and i were living in a small garage apartment as both our parents were deceased and we were on our the last 3 years 9 school. gained 50 lbs and grew 7 inched taller in that summer. in 1963 my brother was drafted and i was drafted the next year. Spent 2 years after basic working for a 3 star general gen Fisher and a 1 star gen keith ware. I was not originally assigned there but worked couple weeks in the AG office and saw the opening at post hq and went over at lunch time and talked to maj dean and told him i wanted the job. He said private E1 you dont apply for jobs in the army and I said i am applying FOR this one. Monday morning i was working there and spent my 2 years there at fort hood. went in e 1 and left e5. my rule always make them tell you no. Just ask if you want the job. You got to take care of your self.
WOW again Jim, the CO’s wife, this is gonna be a doozy!!
I was somehow gifted or damned to meet so many important and powerful people in my life.
As with the generals here and their sons, I had no control over anything. The C.O.s wife was an enormous asset.
Good smiled.
Semper fi,
Jim
Gee whiz Lt. you couldn’t even get shot without being in trouble? I felt bad enough for you before you were wounded, now I feel horrible for you.
I know it all worked out because here you are, but “insult to injury”, doesn’t do it justice.
Can’t wait for your next report.
w3ski
Well LT, you keep stepping in the shit without even putting your feet on the floor. Don’t mean nuttin.
how could they hold a board of inquiry when you are unable to think in a lucid way military BS!
Great chapter, James.
I think I like her already!
Jim
I just realized I never have really understood how a drug addiction worked. Your very vivid holistic description of the pain and relief must be the essence of what it’s all about. I understand a little bit as an aviator with multiple missions over the A Shau and Laos, what that was about. I still say we all empathize with the “Cowardly Lion” because we all came home wondering, “who we were” and “ What the hell happened”.
Jim
Hey Lt. Again, I have a notion that from what you have been through up until now, that you will read this situation quickly and be out front as you have been since you were sent to the jungle when you first arrived. I don’t know you other than what I have read, but you have certainly become a hero of mine. I have one other, who was wounded (severely) when he had less than 30 days left in country. So I await, with all the humility I can muster, to see how you comport yourself through this next ordeal. And as I said, I’m sure you will be more than OK. Sounds like you have a tremendous advocate on your side now. Peace. Michael
I couldn’t quite understand this passage: “ Corporal Shoot approached the side of his bed and fussed with some of the tubing still running out from both my wrists and his neck” Areyou talking about your bed?
Seems like an extra letter in here: “ You have been through hell, you’re still I in hell,!
Should “of” be “or”? “ I breathed in and out deeply as if preparing for another charge of the North Vietnamese Army of getting ready to launch one of our own”
Another chapter that keeps me riveted in my chair. But I have to say I think it’s BS to put you before a board of inquiry. The decisions you made saved many Marines lives, in spite of the lack of leadership from your HQ. They’re just looking for a scapegoat. As a platoon leader I made some good decisions and some poor ones….but always bases on what I thought was the best one given this circumstances. You did the same. If the BOI actually happened to you…that really pisses me off.
Bob
Hudson, 101st Abn
Thank you for the kind words, Bob.
I corrected your edits.
Really appreciate your continued support
Semper fi,
Jim
Barbara to the rescue! Although from what you said in ’30 Days’ it’s Battalion that will be
the subject of inquiry. My stomach is still tight from reading this.
I’m surprised to read of your brother visiting you. I seems to recall your saying he died in
hospital in Japan.
Sullivan policy. My brother knew of it and declined a tour in RVN. The rest of his class
went. Eventually he ended up in Thailand.
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
Corporal Shoot approached the side of his bed
“his”? maybe “the”
Corporal Shoot approached the side of the bed
still running out from both my wrists and his neck.
“his”? Maybe “my” or just skip it?
still running out from both my wrists and my neck.
still running out from both my wrists and neck.
if saying the goodbye, he hadn’t spoken.
comma seems extra
if saying the goodbye he hadn’t spoken.
A Board of Inquiry in the Marine Corps was aboard to investigate a circumstance
change “aboard” to “a board”
A Board of Inquiry in the Marine Corps was a board to investigate a circumstance
“Okay,” that’s enough for him,”
Not sure about the quotation mark after “Okay”
“Okay, that’s enough for him,”
OR maybe make it two sentences
“Okay.” “That’s enough for him,”
“Pain shot,” I replied, grimacing, I said, meaning the words for Kathy.
“I replied” and “I said” seem redundant
“Pain shot,” I replied, grimacing, meaning the words for Kathy.
You have been through hell, you’re still I in
The uppercase “I” seems extra
You have been through hell, you’re still in
Vietnamese Army of getting ready to launch one of our own.
“of” or “”or” after “Army”
Vietnamese Army or getting ready to launch one of our own.
Glad to hear the medical staff were providing good care.
New subject: Is Chuck Bartok OK? I’m hoping he is not in danger from forest fires.
Blessings & Be Well
Wow…Took a long time to answer this and the wonderful corrections were made.
As always your support is so appreciated.
The fires have abated for Chuck and he has been seeing blue skies recently.
Semper fi
Jim
In the second paragraph you state his neck when I think you mean my neck and his wrist restraints when you mean my wrist restraints.
Brilliant writing as usual. Richard
Thanks for the notice.
Corrected.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim/James: didn’t think things would be as stressful for Junior once he cleared the Valley. To my reading delight, I was wrong. Thanks for everything you do, say, and write. Nick Bollo.
I hope that the people I recommended this story to have read it, and continue to follow it. Besides the last 10 days, this part of the saga will be on my “must purchase” list when it’s ready.
Thank you for your lasting support, Arnie
Semper fi,
Jim
Nothing like an ass-kicker for an advocate.
Man: This chapter flew by! Another stunning read. Thanks.
Now when can I expect my copy of the 3rd 10 days?
As exciting and suspenseful as the combat !!!
Fuck them LT. After what you went through what can they do to you? Send you to Vietnam?
Damn Sir out of the frying pan and into the fire. It gives me a much deeper understanding into the depth and power of your writing and my respect for your service thank you.
Well fuck LT. Getting the shit scared out of you in a month of combat and getting blow to hell ain’t enough.
Please re-read the second paragraph, you mix who is what a couple of time.