My wife told me that I had to let the incident between Gates and me go, or I might potentially ruin everything. My argument against that was simply one of trying to live in a state of helplessness. Following Vietnam, I was being made to feel like an important man by the department, the Western White House and even Tom Thorkelson and Chuck Bartok with the insurance business, but my importance was tied neatly to a sense of impotence and helplessness when it came to controlling either the sourcing or the true direction of any of the things, I was involved in. I didn’t, and couldn’t, tell her that Gates’ little arm-wrestling bit of deliberately applied violence wasn’t something I could tolerate down in the very core of my being. I had run or hidden three times in combat. I learned that running in combat might keep me alive for the short term, but the long term was another matter entirely. On top of that, or at the very foundations of that, the definition of living had totally changed inside my very being by the time I was carried out of the valley.
I couldn’t continue my work with the police department without somehow resolving the relationship that had formed between Gates and me. I couldn’t run as I had no place to run to. I couldn’t avoid him. I had to go right at him, yet I couldn’t seem to be able to think of a plan that might accomplish what I was trying to accomplish that had any chance of a happy ending, for he or me.
Went to New Mexico last spring. A couple of days in Taos satisfied the boss ladies, we stopped at an RV park in Eagles Nest. Our friend that drove us is a NG Iraq War vet and served with a friend camped at the RV park. This fella had close to 30 years service with the National Guard 45th Infantry, retired as a colonel. He told me the biggest disappointment of his life was spending all those years, keeping himself and his unit trained and prepared. Came the chance and his orders were to keep the stateside support functioning. Said he didn’t share that with just anyone, but figured I might understand since I was on the “other end” of that kind of a situation. I believed him.
I understand that, too. I volunteered for Vietnam, for a lot of wrong reasons. A big one was I didn’t want to be like this guy. It was the big deal of our generation and I didn’t want it said that I’d sat it out.
Turns out, that was just one of the foolhardy things I’ve ever done.
Great story, LTee.
Thanks Neil, much appreiciate your experiences thrown in with my own. I went to the New Mexico memorial erected by that lieutenant’s dad in his grief.
It Was something. I went back for the dedication and grand opening. Thanks for the great compliment too.
Semper fi,
Jim
Would have loved to send a two Tweetybird sortie, fully locked and loaded with 5.56mm nose Gatling and two napalm cans….. just to show Mr Gates what could have happened! Best chapter yet LT
Now, now, Joe, we can’t kill all the ‘golfers’ or there’s going to be trouble…to quote a great line from Caddyshack.
Thanks for the great comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Well Jim, It looks like maybe you should have done some research on the company you were keeping and found out about Gates. I wonder where else this is going to lead!
Leo, I had few tools with which to work. I sure as heck couldn’t run Gates through NCIC or any police system without him knowing.
My contacts at the compound ordered me and sometimes rewarded me but I was never privy to the decision making or effective at getting
explanations for what I was doing.
Semper fi,
Jim
Good writing, Lt. I’ve followed you through the Valley and up to this point. In the ‘Lion’, I think this is the best written chapter. It seems you have a way of making a non-combat Marine feel like he is still a Marine. I have talked with a lot of non-combat soldiers who are almost apologetic for never being in a fight. I tell them not to feel that way, everyone had a job in the Army. As long as they did their time honorably, they should be proud. I’m glad Gates turned out to be a Man.
Thanks for the compliment Rick. Miliary service isn’t generally easy, comfortable or, in so many casing, rewarding. The greates reward for me is
being a Marine and the brotherhood that has developed across the spectrum of this site. Thanks for being one of the the ‘guys.’
Semper fi,
Jim
What great writing! I connect with you – like you and Manning. I get it. Your generosity never surprises me and for us world class predators most people would shit it their drawers if they really knew that side of us. You handled the Gates situation perfectly. When I was nine or ten , there was an eighth grader bullying boys in our class. Never when the nuns could catch him. I asked my mother how to handle a bully. In her soft southern drawl she replied confronting a bully can be challenging. It’s best to stay calm, assertively communicate your feelings, and set boundaries. If the situation doesn’t improve, you must face a physically confrontation which you may lose. The point is not winning but standing up to a bully because they are cowards. A few days later he took our ball while playing in the school yard; I asked him nicely to give it back , he said make me. So i grabbed the ball back, he pushed me to the ground. I was a little third grader , he towered over me. I knew I was going to die. He tried to kick me and I grabbed his foot and he fell hard. He was dazed, I grabbed his head and began to pound it the cement sidewalk.
He was bleeding and he started crying. I continued to pound, Suddenly, I was pulled off him by a nun and told us to play , she would tend to his treatment. Had to send him to the hospital for stiches.
I got summoned to the principal office after school- I knew death was inevitable. Sister and the nun who witnessed told me they knew he was bullying people but had never observed it till that day. She told me she liked my approach of talking, and I did not initiate the fight but I had to fight back. Then the lecture about all violence is wrong is wrong and to pray for forgiveness. I did, but he never bullied us again.
My mother was not happy with my losing control and told me so.
You handled Gates like a Stradivarius.
All my life , people have mistaken me as kind loving man. Too nice I was often told. They rarely saw MY DARK SIDE AND WERE SCARED WHEN IT CAME OUT. I have learned to control it for the most part part occasionally the Marine comes out. You were around a Marine base in 1974, I wasn’t so I told no one about my being a Marine. In those days, even if you served stateside being a Marine made you a baby killer.
Different times. Great writing Jim Thanks for opening me up
As usual, Rich, your work here in commenting is kinda your work in creative writing. I read with great interest, although not in complete agreement, as it should be.
Your own experiences are revealed on here and that’s a great thing, simply because the storage of such emotionally moving stuff is like storing kryptonite or plutonium in the real
world. Thanks so much for putting this all down here.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Rich.
I can relate so well to:
“All my life , people have mistaken me as kind loving man. Too nice I was often told. They rarely saw MY DARK SIDE AND WERE SCARED WHEN IT CAME OUT”
Well what a surprise that came your way. Question is how did Gates gain access to you medical files and even more information about you. Obviously someone else you’ll have to keep an eye on. Oh well at least you didn’t kill him because if you had you couldn’t write this story. A good chapter LT.
Gates and I went on to become friends, his own feelings about his military service, like Mike Manning’s eventually surfaced and were able to work through them. Through my life, in those places and times that people have known of my combat experience I’ve had a few problems on top of my own PtSD. Many males in our culture do not appreciate veterans who’ve been in the thick of it, sort of like what happened with McCain and all that.Thanks for the penetrating comment and compliment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Powerful chapter, to be sure. I commend you for your honesty and forth rightful analysis of yourself. There are few of us who give such an honest assessment.
You reacted to Lorraine’s rent statement was the same as if it were I she had commented to. Good people are hard to find, and it behooves us to “support and defend” if we are able.
Another splendidly written, and very thoughtful chapter. I’ll leave the small edits to Dan.
Agent Orange is rapidly increasing it’s toll. Not too sure how much longer I’ll be with you. Life has been a wild and interesting ride.
I am sure sorry about the health thing. Hard to believe that Ive remained so immune to its effects…at least so far. Glad as hell that they added that to VA disability for those not so fortunate. Thanks for the great compliments that you give me, and just how applicable they can be, probably for everyone else reading these as well as me. Tom and Lorraine own a restaurant in Oregon to this day, by the way. Always mean to get there but never do. Without Dan I’d be toast by the way…and guys like you who keep the goals warm on cold nights…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Feeling uneasy…somehow I think you wrote this how you wanted it to be; rather than how I wanted it to go!
As much as I admire and respect you my friend…on this one you are wrong. Gates and I eventually became friends. He resented that “guys like you get all the praise and decorations and guys who do all the work get nothing.” The Corps also turned him down for officer training. Also, killing people for your country can be explainable by most people but killing them because they are either your personal way or doing nasty things isn’t either acceptable or quite right.
Semper fi, my great friend,
Jim
As the plot thickens…… This seems to all coming to a head, and for once you are at the top, You’re quite a man sir!! Your heart seems to have grown ten times bigger since you “came home”. Thank you for the chapter and as I have said before, keep em coming!!!
My pleasure to serve the chapters up Bob, although the editing is a bitch. I do have DanC, however and A.I. is never going to replace what he does for the work. It will also never replace the depth and level of expressed emotion so many of the people righting on this site often and regularly display. Thanks for your very own and the compliments that help keep me going.
Semper fi
Jim
James, All’s well that ends well. That was a surprise.
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
I had to let the affair between Gates and me go
If just the arm=wrestling then “incident” might be better than “affair”
I had to let the incident between Gates and me go
OR If a continuing negative relationship, then maybe “bad blood”
I had to let the bad blood between Gates and me go
My argument against that was simple one of trying to live
Maybe “simply” rather than “simple”
My argument against that was simply one of trying to live
retreat into the spare bedroom stay on the couch located there
Needs something like “and” or “to” before “stay”
retreat into the spare bedroom and stay on the couch located there
Or
retreat into the spare bedroom to stay on the couch located there
I couldn’t sleep was just a part of it.
Maybe begin sentence with “That”
That I couldn’t sleep was just a part of it.”
I wanted his council
“counsel” rather than “council”
I wanted his counsel
half what a new car cost cars cost, wouldn’t be easy to explain
Extra “cars cost” delete
Change remaining “cost” to “costs”
half what a new car costs, wouldn’t be easy to explain
was a different thing on being late or a bit behind
Replace “on” Proper grammar is “from”. “than” sounds better
was a different thing than being late or a bit behind
it would likely already gotten its supply
Maybe add “have” before “already”
it would likely have already gotten its supply
reminded of the expensive and so quality Rolex watches
Replace “so”. Maybe “high”
reminded of the expensive and high quality Rolex watches
nor could have afforded one while in the hospital
Add “I” before “have”
nor could I have afforded one while in the hospital
The Time’s didn’t have home delivery
Drop apostrophe
The Times didn’t have home delivery
like he wasn’t eating at all in the Borgward Isabella by the side of the highway
/Previous chapter had Mike moving into an apartment. I have not looked it up./
“What if he doesn’t say anything at all? I asked.
Close quotes
“What if he doesn’t say anything at all?” I asked.
Your silence is merely the waiting of you to talk
Maybe “for” instead of “of”
Your silence is merely the waiting for you to talk
I got up to leave, knowing that there would be no bill
Immediately followed by: “I stood up to leave.”
Second sentence is repetitive. Drop
so …super breakfast Manning had mostly consumed.
“You know where I am if things go south,”
but sitting in pretty solid position when it came to friends
Maybe add “a” before “pretty”
but sitting in a pretty solid position when it came to friends
Gate’s office was empty
Move apostrophe after “s”
Gates’ office was empty
I decided to wait in Gate’s office
Move apostrophe after “s”
I decided to wait in Gates’ office
as would normally been the case
Add “have” before “been”
as would normally have been the case
/Grammar says have + adverb + verb/
as would have normally been the case
the big broadly and very muscular man said
“broad” instead of “broadly”
the big broad and very muscular man said
believing that the mean was probably heading toward filing
“man” instead of “mean”
believing that the man was probably heading toward filing
nobody had asked my medical questions
“me” instead of “my”
nobody had asked me medical questions
“Well,” he asked, the cigarette between his lips and his hands outstretched
Maybe add “?” after “Well”
Add “with between “and” and “hands”
“Well?,” he asked, the cigarette between his lips and with his hands outstretched
Mutual Life Insurance Police thing,
Add closing quotes after “thing”
Mutual Life Insurance Police thing,”
you really are a great American patriot.
Close quotes.
Might add “I replied.”
you really are a great American patriot,” I replied.
Blessings & Be Well
DanC. You don’t make ‘minor’ suggestions. Your edits are religiously followed and I can’t thank you enough, as I do every week.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Ah, good ol’ Spiro, originator of the saying “Nattering nabobs of negativism.” This is yet another GREAT chapter of a GREAT story.
To my knowledge Spiro never made an appearance at the Western White House so I didn’t get to meet him. It was rumored that he and Nixon had been friends at some point but Nixon, of course, never discussed his personal relationships at all outside the residence.
Thanks for the ‘great’ compliment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Pat Bowman wouldn’t shoe* up (*show)
Real friends and wanna be fake friends all in the same day, Hmmm…!!!
Still very intriguing happenings going on here and there 🙂
Keep ’em coming James.
Semper Fi
Thanks for the much needed help and adjunct to DanC’s help.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Cliff Hanger, LT, Jim,
A GREAT and uplifting chapter.
–Shedding some light into the darkness…
–has good vibes as things appear to be progressing positively for you…
–some questions getting resolved…
–your wound reopening getting better…
–more people becoming your friends rather than your enemies…
Thanks for feeding my addiction for finding out “the rest of the story”.
I will wait impatiently for my next serving from you.
(I appreciate the photo. I thought the photo of the newspaper headline about Agnew was going to be a part of the dialogue within this chapter)
Thanks a bunch Walter! Means a lot to me, as you know. The times were certainly different back then and I somehow
got placed in a perfect position to participate as well as closely observe and record.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
some typos:
I couldn’t run as I had no
spare bedroom to stay on the couch
Both were sleeping
what a new car cost
Gates presumed himself, and proved
so allow your
I don’t think I am the man you believe I am
sitting in a pretty
wouldn’t show up
the big bodied and very muscular man
that the man
Camel cigarette
Camel
great American patriot.”
Thanks for the help, Matt, and the way your provide it.
Semper fi,
Jim
“but the Chief and Pat Bowman wouldn’t shoe up until nine”. Assume you meant “show”
You are most accurate and correct my friend, and thank you.
Semper fi,
Jim
LT, I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be to have to relive this and put it out here. On the flip side of that, I also know how cathartic it can be to share with others. Especially when the others are kinda messed up too. Thanks for allowing us to be a part of this, it’s been a heck of a journey and I for one can’t wait to see where else you’re going to take us. Semper Fi.
When I was fresh home from the hospitals so many years ago working with the material began, but I could only get about 40 pages written before quitting for almost fifty years.
We survive on a sea os deception, much of it self-deception and the truth of some circumsane can bit like hell when and if it comes out.
The more I write of all those circumstances the easier it has become to continue…and because of what happens right here and you are a prt of.
These comments, and I never expected or had seen anything like them, shocked the hell out of me. So many people that cared while all along through the years
I kept from my veteran brothers and sisters because I was afraid or feeling bad about so much of it. Thank you and all those like you who
display a wisdom on this site I am simply amazed at.
Semper fi,
JIm
Wow! Not much more needs to be said. Just wow.
Nice one word compliment. Short but powerful. Thanks!
Semper fi,
Jim
Typos aside, this is probably one of the most powerful chapters I have read of yours and I have been reading them since you landed at DaNang. This kind of wisdom comes with age, we are too full of other stuff when we are younger to realize these truths. Well said, Jim.
A bit of developed wisdom in your comment Michael and much appreciated. Thanks for the great compliment too…
Semper fi,
Jim
Camel, not canal. Good writing from you this time!
Thanks for the help and the neat compliment John…
Semper fi,
Jim
Question- I couldn’t continue my work with the police department without somehow resolving the relationship that had formed between Gates and me. I couldn’t run as I had not place to run to. I couldn’t avoid him.
Should that be ‘no place to run to”
Thanks most kindly for the help in editing Jimmy.
Semper fi,
Jim
Still here hangin’ on ever chapter ..
Couple of points
” I’d have to be gently in handling ” ….maybe ‘gentle’
“Bot where sleeping quietly” …Both
“so allow you resistance”…your
Sure glad you are still with us and hanging on, so to speak…and thanks most sincerely for the editing help.
Semper fi,
Jim
Finally a bit of humor to fill in the gaps? Where are we going next ! Again thank you for keeping us on thhe edge!
Thanks for the compliment Joseph and the encouragement.
Semper fi,
Jim
Give em hell James!!
Yes, I have had one hell of a ride in doing exactly that, Harold.
Thanks for the compliment inherent in your wording.
Semper fi,
Jim