I couldn’t sleep, but that was nothing new since the Nam. The doctors at the VA said that nobody could stay awake for days and nights on end but my time in the valley and then the nights and days after coming home had disproven that, not that my word about such things was to be believed. The two doctors I’d spoken to, one too old to be a doctor anymore in my opinion, and one too young to be the same thing, simply offered up the only explanation they could come up with for the fact that I could easily (well, it was much easier physically than socially) go two nights in a row without sleep and then function on the third day as if I’d had all the sleep in the world. They decided I was hallucinating the experience, just as I doubt had in the valley when I’d gone many days and nights without sleep. They were both surprised when I wasn’t angry about their conclusion since I’d already figured out it didn’t matter. There was nothing to be done for my condition that wouldn’t make the problem worse or life around the ‘fix’ worse than it already was. I thought their conclusion was funny but not because of the conclusion. My laughing was over the fact that I had offered my truth to two men who were dumb and inexperienced enough to come up with such a conclusion, and then presented it to someone like me whom they ought to have been more careful to communicate with that way.

I sat down in the living room after creeping there from our bed upstairs. There was no intent on my part to remove myself from the bedroom so my wife wouldn’t notice. I was married to a woman who caught every nuance of movement involved in such action. There was no movement in that bed that she wasn’t aware of, although she didn’t always comment. It was spooky in a way.

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