Detective Hoodoo instructed Gularte and I to depart the beach scene, as he and the ‘team’ of lifeguards would handle the situation from then on. He’d already given that order but neither Gularte nor I had moved. Instead of re-issuing the earlier command he murmured under his breath, “Beach Boy, take your Mexican clone and get the hell out of here. Reserves aren’t needed for anything but washing cars and putting out the garbage.”
one more comment that seems to have been missed.
It was like a general office shaking hands with a lowly private.
this should be general officer, not office.
looking forward to the next chapter.
Thank you, SSgt. It is corrected.
Semper fi
Jim
Fantastic chapter Sir! I think I have missed a chapter but no worries, I’m catching up! Lol I had some suggestions but thankfully DanC and others have covered them all. Again, thank you!+-
Thanks Joe, means a lot to me to get compliments like yours on here. Thanks as well for your continued interest, support and feedback.
Semper fi,
Jim
The Devil is always in the details and in this case there were too many details put in and some important details left out . Since I have been along for the ride from the beginning and you have thrown us us more than a few curveballs , I will keep my theories on this one to myself for a while . One comment though , whoever staged the scene never partied with grunts !
Sounds like a racially motivated crime for starters . And I hope those three didn’t end up taking a nighttime helicopter ride far out over the ocean while they were encased in Navy issue Burial At Sea bags only to end up sleeping in Davey Joneses Locker .
Thanks Chuck for your attentiveness and interest, as usual! I shall write on…
Semper fi,
Jim
Very interesting JAMES!!
Thanks most sincerely Harold. Means a lot to get compliments…
Semper fi,
Jim
James, Much packed into this chapter. I await reading how it will unfold.
This brings us back to a time when it was significant to state the TV was a color television. Younger folks would have no clue that B&W TV existed.
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
instructed Gularte and I to depart the beach scene
Maybe “me” instead of “I”
instructed Gularte and me to depart the beach scene
The feel was a little off when heft into my right hand
Maybe “in” rather than “into”
The feel was a little off when heft in my right hand
there would be no playback on the initiator
“playback” works; but do you mean “payback” ?
there would be no payback on the initiator
Gularte stopped in the parking lot behind the compound.
It took me awhile to realize the compound was the Western White House.
How does that fit into your want or need of me not being hurt.”
Question mark instead of period.
How does that fit into your want or need of me not being hurt?”
The shot hell, as a first round, makes all the sense in the world
“shell” instead of “hell”
The shot shell, as a first round, makes all the sense in the world
Gularte asked after a moment but didn’t say
Maybe comma after “moment. There’s a small pause.
Gularte asked after a moment, but didn’t say
Now, I was Beach ball or Beach boy,
Maybe capitalize “ball” and “boy”
Now, I was Beach Ball or Beach Boy,
There’s some discrepancies between this chapter and chapter 15.
In 15 the .45 is discussed. In 15 Mardian knows you are going to the Ball.
“You and I work for the President of the United States,’ he replied
Full quotation mark at end of sentence
“You and I work for the President of the United States,” he replied
and the windswept stand held no human bodies
Maybe “strand” instead of “stand”
and the windswept strand held no human bodies
revelation of everything took a quartet of an hour Once I was done,
Add period after “hour”
revelation of everything took a quartet of an hour. Once I was done,
driven the Volks to South Coast and I hadn’t remembered get the Colt out
Add “to” before “get”
driven the Volks to South Coast and I hadn’t remembered to get the Colt out
Just leave the whole thing alone, the Marines were some kind
Period instead of comma after “alone”
Begin new sentence with “the”
Just leave the whole thing alone. The Marines were some kind
The guards do rescue work
Maybe lifeguards
The lifeguards do rescue work
just not misjudging a situation,
Maybe drop “not”
just misjudging a situation,
mild jibe at my undependability in making what
I considered to be totally meaningless meetings.
Backspace to join up sentence fragments.
mild jibe at my undependability in making what I considered to be totally meaningless meetings.
he laughed out
Maybe add “loud” after “out”
he laughed out loud
“Does that mean I won’t have to go to anymore of the meetings
Change “anymore” into “any more”
“Does that mean I won’t have to go to any more of the meetings
“You going to the compound?” he asked, looking be up and down dressed as I was.
Change “be” to “me”
“You going to the compound?” he asked, looking me up and down dressed as I was.
If a policy lapse in the first year
Maybe “lapsed” instead of “lapse”
If a policy lapsed in the first year
My approach to the chief about
Maybe capitalize “chief”
My approach to the Chief about
the premiums from the sales of policies I sold that were going to pay both of us
“sales” and “sold” seem redundant. Maybe drop “sales of”
the premiums from the policies I sold that were going to pay both of us
There’s no investigation going on, there’s merely a recovery
Maybe substitute period for comma after “on”
Begin new sentence with “there’s”
There’s no investigation going on. There’s merely a recovery
The investigation, if there’s to be one will be conducted
Add comma after “one”
The investigation, if there’s to be one, will be conducted
I don’t want to lose you,” the Chief said, coming to his own hand and then sticking out his hand.
Maybe change “own hand” to “feet”
I don’t want to lose you,” the Chief said, coming to his feet and then sticking out his hand.
Blessings & Be Well
The surf was way up and the windswept “stand” held no… (sand perhaps) ??
Seems alot of unknowns might become knowns very soon !!??
You get your own office too which I’d bet you rarely if ever use 🙂
Can’t wait for the following chapter James !!
SEMPER Fi
With your help, and that of DanC, I think the edits are up to date.
You have me wondering now, and probably until the next chapter, what does the Chief know that he isn’t telling you? Why does he know it? What is he hoping you find in your investigating that he has directed you not to conduct? Or is he in fact as in the dark as you are at this point and is waiting for answers from you? And most of all, what has the compound and the deliberate people inside of it have to do with three missing Marines? Making me think they were ‘disappeared’ as opposed to eliminated.
Great writing, Lt. You did a great job dragging us through that stinking jungle. Took us through the pain and determination of medical recovery. But I believe you were meant to be a detective story writer.
I know eventually most of the questions will be answered. I’m glad you remember the answers and have recovered enough to take us on the ride through your memories.
It is such a pleasure to get such penetrating questions. You remind me of my anthropology students long ago, who would study diligently to
either prove me right or wrong, not truly understanding that I was spinning them into situations where they’d actually have to think for
themselves and also investigate for themselves to understand more about live. Thanks for this most refreshing comment of significant depth
and understanding.
Semper fi,
Jim
This chapter seemed to have more depth than the last few. Longer perhaps? In any case, loving it all!
Dear Krash F4D: I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment or not. Maybe for this chapter, and then, you concluded with that fact that
you love it all. That made me smile so I won’t swoon into a pool of self-serving sadness!
Thank you.
Semper fi,
Jim
I am always on the edge of my seat when I began reading the latest chapter of Jr’s now strange life style ! It is always a combination of mystery and the normal Marine Corp sass with ongoing exciteent ! Eagerly awaitting the next chapter !
Thank you most sincerely Don. Compliments like the one you just wrote keep budding writers like me hard at it.
This is a tough art/business and it’s so easy to get down unless maybe you ae the son of a publisher or something like that.
You guys are my family and you’re really all I have to motivate and keep me going, other than the pleasure I myself get from diving
back into the story and then just letting the memories flow back. I’ve already had to write to two characters still alive
to apologize because I did not portray them in the very best life. Such were the times and their real conduct and verbiage add
so much to story…in my opinion.
Thank you so much
Semper fi,
Jim
Lt just a question about book 1. It seems that chapter 17 and chapter 20 or one in the same. Just curious are we missing a chapter or just got a repeat of one.
Holy cow, Tucker. I have some with the chapters in wrong places, in fact with chapter XX being the wrong one put in.
So you lack that chapter if you have one of the early editions. Right now, because of your comment, Chuck is checking with Amazon,
Barnes and Noble, Smashswords and Ingram. Because of your very necessary and apropos comment.
Thank you so much for catching stuff we miss.
Semper fi,
Jim
Great story telling as always James. A damn shame about those 3 Marines. Quite the web you have entered into.
Thank Chuck. Yes, lost Marines are something damn near impossible to forget and even harder to accommodate.
I know that the A Shau did some of that to me, put those emotions right to the fire and now I am annealed.
Thanks for the comment, your support and your friendship.
Semper fi,
Jim
I sometimes withhold praise for you since were close friends, but I’ve just been pondering what I read in the comment I made and you have a style of writing that is most unique most authors will talk about a situation and say, and then I found a 45 my immediate thoughts were a wipe it clean from Prince bee, turn it into the police, or hold it until the right time
you treat the reader with the greatest respect you don’t tell him what to think you make him work to find his own conclusion what it means, and what you are trying to convey well that can leave situation someone open ended isn’t that life? When I talk graduate school I always used to tell my students life is an open book test and Jim, so is your writing
I hope you don’t mind Richard, that I put up your comment on the websites in all the Facebook pages I have.
It’s just to terrific. I edited a small bit, like the kind of help I get from the guys and gals who come on here to help
me. I will be speaking to the Marine Corps League in Waukegan on the 18th of April and I would be honored if you were there.
I will again be speaking at the Marine Corps Ball on November 10th and I hope to see you there too.
The organizers of these events want to know what I’m going to say as the featured speaker. In truth, I have no clue.
It depends on the audience, the night, the temperature of the crowd and all that.
Thank you and Semper fi my friend,
Jim
Another great chapter, Jim. Seems to be a darker and grimmer change of pace occurring.
As some other author once said, “Curiouser and curiouser”!
Enjoying how you create the story line, keeping one wanting more and more.
Thanks Craig for the great compliment. Life seems to wind around like a wind over and through the valleys of my
life, not to mention my mind. Thanks for the great and accurate comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
you batman me Robin
wash in stream, dry in sun
as to to said you talk a heap of shit white man
this is compelling writing I can feel the situations and your stoic anticipation
knowing something was there but
calmly without any judgements waiting for the revealing – not of truth but what you wanted to know to keep the tribe’s secret
brilliant
You are a class act Rich Brayer. Not just any old Colonel! A man with wisdom and, like so many of us on here, giving back to the culture and community
all the time. Thanks for the great compliment, or should I say compliments.
You are a strength to those around you and I am proud to be one of those you choose to call friend.
Semper fi,
Jim
I appreciate your stories and your masterful way of imparting why you did what you did. I was a young nursing student and had an opportunity to enter the Navy as a second lieutenant but my family was adamantly opposed to my being in the service. I read the eight chapter and know we won’t like what you are going to tell us. I pray for our country daily and our leaders since I know we only get a fraction of the story. Thanks again and I will be watching for the next chapter.
Thanks so much Diane. Thee aren’t too many women who comment on here and I love getting that special opinion. Hell, I love all the opinions on here,
and whom would not? They keep me going. Your personal part of the comment is very meaningful and so sincere.
Thank you truly,
Semper fi,
Jim
Another great chapter LT. If I may, The line ” I closed the door and engaged the latch near its top, taking no changes Julie might access the area.” Shouldn’t changes be chances?
Thanks for the sharp eye, Mark, and now fixed.
“You’re a class act Beach Boy and I don’t want to lose you,” the Chief said, coming to his own hand and then sticking out his hand.”
Coming to his own FEET and then…
Guessing that’s what you meant…
another great chapter… thanks!
Thanks so much for the help Steve. Means a lot to me. Another the editors on here I could not continue writing without.
Semper fi,
Jim