I lay in bed, my body wanting to fall into a restful and restorative sleep, but my mind was having none of that. In closing my eyes, I wasn’t taken back into combat, which happened only rarely and never when I was so tired. No, it was Gularte’s words about a possible threat to myself and my family because of my possession of the tapes. Tapes I could only guess what was recorded on them and hear those small containers of audio information if the tape material could be retrieved. My wife was right, I didn’t own a tape recorder.  Our family television/stereo had only a 21-inch screen and a Phillips record player.

I could do nothing about anyone coming for the tapes. I’d played with one idea after another. If I stored the tapes somewhere ‘safe’ then that somewhere could be forced out of me with a mere verbal threat to harm my wife or daughter. There would be laying no booby traps or any of that, as I was home and I wasn’t going to allow myself to be drawn back into a combat that I’d be living with forever, or at least adding to what I might have to live with forever. From there I went to thinking about what might be on the tapes. The one tape I’d read the notation from had to be about the three dead Marines but there was no way to tell who would be talking without the tape being brought back and also then figuring out who any speakers might be. It was the other reels, the ones I hadn’t stopped to examine closely that almost drew me from the bed. I knew if I got up, however, my wife would awake. She was not built like a character from popular movies or television. No matter how gently I might slide from the bed she would wake up, and she’d done it many times to prove her capability. She had seen the bag and the tapes, so she was way ahead of anyone else, but then I thought back to my consideration of just how much danger was I inflicting on anyone, including her, by having her know more.

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