1 Comment

1. 

   Dan Cotts on September 20, 2021 at 2:03 am

   Some minor editing suggestions follow:

   lost ten ponds in appearance alone.
   Substitute “pounds” for “ponds”
   lost ten pounds in appearance alone.

   You have no clue what your involved with
   “you’re” instead of “your”
   You have no clue what you’re involved with

   “Not on any mission,” Virginia instantly replied with acid from each delayed word.
   / If words are delayed maybe add some gaps in the dialog? /
   “Not…on…any…mission,”

   Arch said, into Matisse’s back and blowing wind.
   Maybe add “the” before “blowing”
   Arch said, into Matisse’s back and the blowing wind.

   The public,
   Open quotes
   “The public,

   and theirs no parking anymore
   “substitute “there’s” for “theirs”
   and there’s no parking anymore

   flapping blue ten complex
   “tent” instead of “ten”
   flapping blue tent complex

   It was beautiful, back by multi-green
   Maybe “backed” instead of “back”
   It was beautiful, backed by multi-green

   didn’t’ necessarily change anything
   Extra apostrophe after “didn’t”
   didn’t necessarily change anything

   the rest of them already had.
   Maybe change “had” to “were”
   the rest of them already were.

   were not implements
   Change “not” to “no”
   were no implements

   // Moon Issues //
   After dark, with only the waning gibbous slice of the moon offering any light at all
   / A “gibbous” moon is any moon that appears more than half lighted but less than full. Slice seems to indicate a small portion. Drop “slice of the”
   After dark, with only the waning gibbous moon offering any light at all
   / Full moon rises at sun set. Each following night moon rise is about 50 minutes later. So whether there was any moon to see depends on when they departed and how many days after the full moon this occurred. /
   / In Chapter 4 : The moon was almost full. / I took that to mean it was not yet a full moon. Now two days later the moon is waning. For this to work the moon has to have been past full in the night described in Chapter 4. Maybe a fix to Chapter 4 The moon was just past full. OR The moon was recently past full.

   The plant growth dry and brown in full daylight.
   / Since it’s dark maybe say “would appear” before “dry” /
   The plant growth would appear dry and brown in full daylight.

   On each of their backs
   Some extra spaces in front of this sentence

   Arch carried the sim card to his iPhone in his wallet
   / I thought Arch was using a throwaway phone he purchased at the shopping center.
   /
   / From Chapter 5: He picked up another throwaway cell phone from a stand next to the check out counter. /

   seeming almost frigid on their heads shoulders.
   Add “and” after “heads”
   seeming almost frigid on their heads and shoulders.

   heads clear of the white caps foam tops
   Maybe possessive of “white caps”
   heads clear of the white cap’s foam tops

   The tide was too low once they reached it.
   Change “it” to “the reef”
   The tide was too low once they reached the reef.

   when they cross onto the reef
   Change “cross” to “crossed”
   when they crossed onto the reef

   once they’d negotiate the water in between
   change “negotiate” to “negotiated”
   once they’d negotiated the water in between

   got stuck in the hold and had to swim
   “hole” instead of “hold”
   got stuck in the hole and had to swim

   toward the high security to see
   Maybe add “area” after “security”
   toward the high security area to see

   barbwire fence
   barbed wire fence

   “LCAC, land craft air cushion,”
   “landing” instead of “land” Capitalize each word.
   “LCAC, Landing Craft Air Cushion,”

   bunch of Navy Seals
   Capitalize Seals
   bunch of Navy SEALs

   Blessings & Be Well DanC

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