Arch Patton
DOWN IN THE VALLEY
Chapter 5
By J. Strauss
“What do you want?” the formerly dangerous man on the bed said, his voice imploring, extending his arms out before him with both palms turned upward in question.
Arch Patton, Down in the Valley, Chapter 5
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
Please don’t give any of it to me,” Laurie begged while
Everywhere else it’s “Lorrie”
Please don’t give any of it to me,” Lorrie begged while
a scintillation detector a device was used to measure
Move “was” to before “a device”
a scintillation detector was a device used to measure
dumped for insubordination behavior
Change “insubordination” to “insubordinate”
dumped for insubordinate behavior
gliders and being dumped
Maybe change “and” to “plus”
gliders plus being dumped
was instantly transported. Back in time. To a mission
Maybe concatenate to one sentence
was instantly transported back in time to a mission
He was staring at an airplane
Add period at end of sentence
He was staring at an airplane.
Arch had not seen one of the three prototypes he witnessed over twenty-five years before.
“not seen” and “witnessed” contradict. Maybe substitute “any” for “one” Add “since” before “he” add “them” before “over”
Arch had not seen any of the three prototypes since he witnessed them over twenty-five years before.
Remove blank space between “propping him up in the” and “filtering wind.”
How could anyone know anyone was at the top of the peak, but somehow the
approaching Apache helicopter seemed to know?
Maybe put question mark after “peak” Then start new sentence with “But” Replace
question mark after “know” with period.
How could anyone know anyone was at the top of the peak? But somehow the approaching Apache helicopter seemed to know.
the air going his upturned face
Maybe “over” after “going”
the air going over his upturned face
ban of deep lava mud
Maybe bank
bank of deep lava mud
Blessings & Be Well DanC
These sentences appear twice.
“Real close?” Arch asked, putting the Magnum back in his pocket. He couldn’t even maim the men for what they’d done. They simply didn’t know any better.
“No real long-range flights were possible because of the fuel-limited rand.” perhaps “… because of this limitation.”
Corrected.
Thank you.
Jim