Arch Patton, Down in the Valley, Chapter 2 by James Strauss | 1 comment Arch Patton DOWN IN THE VALLEY Chapter 2 By J. Strauss 1 Comment Dan Cotts on September 16, 2021 at 2:18 am Last update at 12:51PM CDT Sept 18, 2021 Some minor editing suggestions follow: He reminded Arch of the character ‘Angel’ on Rockford / cultural reference. Doesn’t mean a thing to me who never watched that TV show / Ghost of Christmas past Capitalize “Past” Ghost of Christmas Past / took we a few seconds to comprehend the ornaments referred to the cuffs and ankle chains / abandoned his opposite number. That partner had to be the one person Present tense seems better. It’s an ongoing code of conduct. abandons his opposite number. That partner has to be the one person No matter what the mission Frank’s conduct was unforgivable, and Arch Punctuation: maybe comma after “mission” (short pause) and semicolon after “unforgivable” (long pause – change of direction) No matter what the mission, Frank’s conduct was unforgivable; and Arch when the winter waves crash onto the rocks. Any entry into such waters would be near Maybe add “then” after “entry” / Seems as if people enter the water in the Summer / when the winter waves crash onto the rocks. Any entry then into such waters would be near has one simply mission in this world “simple” instead of “simply” has one simple mission in this world Arch asked. “Virginia wants “Arch asked” might better be moved to the end of the previous sentence. Rabbit Island with satellites, do you?” Arch asked. / Then continue dialog with “Virginia wants / Having stayed many times Arch Maybe add “there” after “stayed” Having stayed there many times Arch He glanced over at where he knew Virginia’s room to be along the windows of the east wing, / If Arch’s room faces South and Virginia’s room faces East and Arch can view her room then it seems her room must be to the west of his. / Maybe west wing? He glanced over at where he knew Virginia’s room to be along the windows of the west wing, / ELSE if it really is an east wing then Virginia’s room faces West. / Arch new Virginia would be punctual “knew” rather than “new” Arch knew Virginia would be punctual Text has indents to begin paragraphs but no blank lines between paragraphs. Is that what you want? Blessings & Be Well DanC Reply Submit a Comment Cancel replyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment * Name * Email * Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.