Arch Patton
Down in the Valley
Chapter 4
by James Strauss
Arch fought the chair, sounds of pain emanating from deep down in his chest. His left arm finally came loose but a three-foot section of wood remained attached to his hand by the hard driven nails. There would be no release from the wood or the pain until he got some kind help or proper tools. It took almost half an hour to work his other hand out of the duct tape. With that raw sticky hand he was able to peel the covering from his eyes. He wondered if he would have any eyebrows or lashes when he again looked at himself in a mirror.
Last editing update 2:10AM CST Sept 20, 2021
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
The moon was almost full.
/ This has to match with a gibbous waning moon mentioned in Chapter 8 /
Maybe: The moon was just past full.
OR The moon was recently past full.
He huddled down in the warm sand,
Paragraph has two blank lines that need to be removed.
He would have laughed
Just finished talking about Matisse. Just a bit more clear to say:
Arch would have laughed
head and the Gail’s gently massaging hands.
Extra “the” before “Gail’s”
head and Gail’s gently massaging hands.
Arch’s eyes, stability, hand and head were a mess,
Comma after “hand” separates “hand” and “head” So more of a list
Arch’s eyes, stability, hand, and head were a mess,
He shoved it back in with his back as best he could.
More clear if identify “it” as machine
He shoved the machine back in with his back as best he could.
The window was fully open
he closed the sliding glass window
Once the sliding door was closed
/ sliding glass door that acts as a window. Should we be consistent? Maybe:
The glass door was fully open
he closed the sliding glass door
Once the sliding door was closed
shattered hand.
Two bird shot shells for the .44 and four hollow points.
/ So the raspy-voiced man’s hand was hit by birdshot? If so, definitely injured but should recover. Hollow point is another matter. /
Blessings & Be Well DanC