The Righteous Brothers began their song called Unchained Melody and, as the first words of the lyrics squeaked out of Fusner’s tiny radio speaker, life came to a stop for me. I just sat there and listened. It was a song about unrequited love, but I didn’t consciously think about it in terms of myself and my wife. To me, it was about life. My life right where I was. I needed love, any love, any demonstration of love and there was no love at all at the bottom of the loveless A Shau Valley, the bitter crease where the Bong Song ran. The heartless soulless valley where I hugged myself deeply into the mud and the sand of its abandoned flats.
Was the Gunny coming? I’d handed back the microphone to Fusner without knowing. My threat of dropping three thousand was an on-air threat. I’d been on the combat net not the artillery net. Even if Ripcord was listening in, which they probably were, they wouldn’t fire for an order given over the combat net unless there was some particular justifiable need. The Gunny knew that too. I’d never threatened, or even commanded the Gunny before, and I was unsure whether I’d done the right thing, or even a survivable thing. Saving Kilo, if that’s what we did, was as much about saving my scout team and myself as it was them. I lay face down. The Gunny would know all that, of course.
here’s the wall he should be building….
Wall, what wall?
Semper fi,
Jim
Has this site been screwed up ?? Finally found this to get back to you , maybe !! Can’t select anything!!
Sorry about the glitch.
The Cyber gnomes were working today.
All seems ok Now.
Check it out.
Thanks for Heads-up
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, I have been missing your writing but I fully understand. I lost my dog several years ago and I still miss her badly. I still cry sometimes thinking about her. Take your time and do whatever you need to do. A note to all you assholes that wasn’t there shut your pie holes. You have no idea what it was like and what we had to endure. If you wasn’t there you don’t know anything about the hell we went through and are still going through. It’s not as easy to talk about as some would think. So with that being said I will shut the hell up. Carry on brother in your own time. I appreciate what you do.
Thanks for having my back Gordon. I’m okay now. A rough patch is all.
Appreciate the patience and the kindly support on here…
semper fi,
Jim
I recall a traumatic event in my life that I dealt with bravely (or so I thought) for several years. Everything was cool until the day came that I was being asked to recount moment for moment what happened. At that point in front of a room full of people, most of whom I did not want to show any weakness, I broke down. I opened the memory doors that released the pain that I did not want to deal with and had successfully kept locked away. Anyone that doesn’t know what it is like to have to deal with that will never understand what is happening here. We move when you say move LT. It ain’t nuthin.
Thanks SSgt. Some understand because they have lived and continue to live it. Others pick it up because they believe the people who’ve been through it.
And then there’s there’s the rest of humanity and that body of man has a tougher time accommodating things so far from their own life experience.
Thanks for commenting and telling everyone what happened to you in that instance.
Semper fi,
Jim
Sorry to hear about Harvey and hope Bentley helps you through the loss. One day I rescued a 6 week old ball of puppy fur. He and I grew old and gray together for nearly 18 years until he passed. When I’m gone his ashes and mine will be spread along the beach near the house. We do get close ~~ I wonder what a shrink at the VA would say.
The shrink at the VA would tell you that it was okay to suffer such loss quietly and alone, and then you’d get a couple of bottles of stuff
to help you along…until they decide that using that stuff has made you an addict and it’s all your fault. How the VA gets any of us real guys with
PTSD through is rather astounding. Unless you run into the just the right counselor. Dr. John Bair at North Chicago is one of those guys, thank God.
Semper fi,
Jim
I give up…..guess the best thing to do is check in every two or three months to see if there is a new episode…..
Sorry Ray. This is not the kind of writing that I can force or work toward a deadline.
This next segment is very touchy for me even if it does not read that way when you get it.
I hope most will understand that this is not a normal writing undertaking for me, or probably anyone
else in this situation.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim…I cannot imagine how gut wrenching that this process is for you…just keep at it and make the process work for you…we’ll all be here waiting when you’re ready…you’ve been through enough as it is… don’t let the pressure to perform with “pen in hand” get to you…tell the story the way you need to tell it, in the time that it takes to tell it…just keep plowing…
Mark. It has been harder than I thought. My cat died and I had no idea that that event might tie into all my grief from
so long ago. But not so long ago, apparently. I have my mojo back and I’m isolating more time to being alone to write since
my local notoriety with the paper I put out doesn’t allow me to simply sit in my coffee shop and write away.
Thanks for caring about the effect writing this has…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, if this were a work of fiction, it would be hard enough to make up the scenarios, but with this being a recounting of what happened to you, and you having to go back and reconstruct the events from memory, letters, and your book you wrote years ago, it becomes an especially daunting task. Anyone that has done any serious writing knows that it is several runs thru before it starts to make sense. I have no doubt YOUR PTSD kicks in and slows you down also. Just stop when you need, pick up your service cat, relax some, and know we’ll be here when it get finished. Just like being on an ambush……you gotta have patience.
Thanks Joe, and yes, there is a very special nature to this writing
that has never been a part of my writing before.
I guess that’s why I got half way through back in 1970
and then retired it to the floor of the closet.
It’s easier now
but still can cause a certain rawness because of the wonder
and amazing bond of the relationships forged in the fire of
hell so quickly rising and then falling into a bleakness of long standing despair.
I’ve settled a lot of old fiery wounds with the balm of redemptive living,
or at least what I view as my form of redemptive living.
We travel now, in this segment back down that valley to find what we find
and to take the hits we had to take…
Semper fi,
Jim
I’ve been with you since last December, I think. Got used to the luxury of weekly installments. Although I was never in the military I do understand the term snafu, I also believe in O’Reilly’s law, “Murphy was a f%^*¥®%g optimist.” I don’t understand people complaining about free.
The next chapter will come when it’s ready, and not one minute before, most will understand the pressure of deadlines, especially self-imposed deadlines. And those that don’t…f*<%-em.
I'm truly sorry about losing your cat, we've got 11 dogs 2 cats and I'm always devastated at losing one. I love my animals more than I like most people. So take your time to get it right. May God bless all of our heroes that have worn the uniform.
Thanks Patrick. Sorry about the delay in getting the next segment together. Yes, my cat was a service animal that
i did not know was a service animal until he was gone. Man oh man, now that has been tough.
But I have replaced him, although that’s not really possible of course, with a kitten of Harvey’s choosing, or so
I have come to want to believe. Up nights and he’s wearing me thin but he takes my mine off that other amazing
creature. Thanks for caring and for writing about it on here.
Semper fi,
Jim
Just so you know that comment came from a different Ray same name but different person you will get done when you get done it is what it is no need to worry about it we all have things to do some people just don’t get that blinders and all that
There is confusion about names on here from time to time but after awhile, if you are reading what’s here,
like most of us do, you get who is who.
Thanks for clarifying that though…
Semper fi,
Jim
Ray you are being a ass
Actually, Ray is paying me a bit of a compliment in demanding more faster! I understand.
Semper fi,
Jim
The best way for Ray to pay a compliment would show enough respect to let you let you do what you need to when you need to.
Thanks Don. Much appreciate your comment here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Well, I was leaning towards agreeing with Ray’s sarcasm, mostly because I am in desperate need of a chapter fix. BUT, fortunately Patrick came along and reminded me of something I had sorta kinda forgotten….what part of FREE am I complaining about? I’m ready when you are, James. Rock on!
Well, yes, this is all free to you and the others who read it, if they want to read the latest stuff on this site.
Not free to me, of course, as it takes quite something to get stuff out there today that’s even half way edited and
well structured enough to read. Thanks for coming back and for waiting…
Semper fi,
Jim
Some of the best writing I have ever experienced. March 69 until August 77, and I have never been the same. Not a really bad thing in some ways, because I was just a naive Texas shitkicker until my years of a new life. Hang in there boss, and bring it on as you feel like.