The smell of blood would not leave me. A coppery tasting mess of cloying sweet aroma that was invisible, yet overwhelmed every other sense. The sound of Stevens’ body being wrapped inside a slippery wet poncho to be left, like that of the others, along both sides of the killing Bong Song. The river hadn’t killed any of them but its presence, like Charon, the ferryman of Hades, guiding his boat across the death river Styx, was always there, in the middle of life, but holding out constant and ever-changing invitations to go over to the other side. I tried to huddle against the relative cold comfort of the mud but there was nowhere to hide or go. I was the company commander who wasn’t a company commander. I was the one to be followed but not to be allowed to know I was being followed.
The darkness approached. I had to prepare myself and what was left of my team. There was no way to avoid taking the point. Usually, the exposure of being in that lead position went to some expendable new guy, but the entire plan depended upon surprise, and that meant not giving away our arrival. The amount of cautionary sensitivity required wasn’t something I could trust anyone to apply or really understand. The Starlight scope was going to be our oddest but most useful tool once again. I pulled myself from my muddy protective cocoon, knowing full well that our exposure to any fire from across the river might end the same way as Stevens had encountered. One single small arms round, or even a displaced rock, and it was over. Medivac wasn’t in the cards until we were back upriver near, or at, the concrete pad where the old airport still lay abandoned.
I’ve heard it said the mark of a good story teller is one that can pull his audience into the story with him, well Sir you did that with this last episode. I’ve read every episode to date, enjoyed them all, however The Sixteenth Night Second Part had this old Army infantryman fighting the firefight right there with you, Gunny, Nguyen, Zippo, Fusner, Sugar Daddy, Jurgens and the rest of the Marines there that morning. I could hear all the sounds vividly, taste all the taste, smell all the smells as I’ve lived them before myself. My throat was dry, sweat was beading up on my forehead an running down my neck, my heart rate was elevated and my breathing was fast and laboured as I read this episode. To say this episode is good would be an understatement, I’ve never read anything in my life that pulled me into it like this did. The best I can do is say thank you and continue on Sir.
Thanks a ton for this grand compliment at this particular time.
I will have a segment done by tonight because of this comment. Sometimes the segments come
slow but you are spurred me every onward. Thank you Bob.
No shit.
Semper fi,
Jim
Yeah thanks Bob, thought I would meet my maker before the next segment got finished. At this rate I will never get to see the end of the story.
Hell, J, the story is helping keep you alive! At least that is my subliminal intent.
I don’t have that many true blue real deal players in my life like you…and just where am I supposed to
go to replace you when you give it all up? Selfish? Yes.
But true and valid.
Shit.
Semper fi,
Jim
Sorry to take so long Jim…”bee in a beer can’….You are learning..minute by minute..the hardest way possible…no grizzled mentor to ask questions of..not even another ‘ boot brown bar’ with two weeks more time in the bush than you…would have been a welcome blessing….but ‘you’ve come far Pilgrm”…and now for the very first time, without realizing it.. you have said the words….””My Marines”….and, within a few seconds the Gunny whispers “You’re the Company Commander, so act like it”….What’s happening?? You don’t have time to smile, or even grin inwardly…no chance to consider that you might even have a chance of surviving afterall…..but you do realize one very important thing….”I wasn’t afraid..for the first time I could recall…”…and that was huge…. utter chaos that wasn’t chaos…MY Marines, moving forward, under control, fire and movement like a well oiled machine……the smell of cordite, fear, blood, and most importantly….victory….. Kilo lost some good men….but in a few moments you are going to see the greatest sight your young eyes have ever see up to this point…..the looks in the eyes of those men that didn’t die on that slope….those that would have, had you not walked into that valley…the looks in those eyes will be with you as long as you live…nothing will ever be so glorious as the quiet “Thanks” you read in them….Semper Fi Lt..
Goldsmith is back. And intensely Goldberg, I might add.
Yes, things were changing as we went although it was hard to
really see from the inside out, as ofttimes that is.
Thanks for the usual intense analysis and also some of the
reactions from the time I’m not sure really occurred but are certainly
great to think back about…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
We never let an expendable new guy walk point..I myself was not allowed to walk point for the first three months of my tour…and we were in it deep … if a new guy had been walking point when I spotted a trip wire fastened to a 1,000 lb duded bomb,,, the whole company would have been KIA.. I walked point til the last month of my tour..then turned it over to a grunt that had four months in the bush…we thought the new guys.. those that listened made it a lot farther than those who thought they knew it all…but even some of those who were bush wise didn’t make it eather…I quite often have back flashes of things that happend way to close..and wonder how I made it…your writing does keep me comming back for more..brings back some memories.. not all bad..we were brothers.. the second, first LT we had was a man that did care for his platoon..and there wasn’t a man amongst us that wouldn’t have volenteard to point the way threw hell for him…one out of three wasn’t bad.
I admire you and your unit Bill.
We all had our wars over there and when I began writing what happened to me and my story
I never thought others would chime in with how closely it resembled their own experiences,
here and there, but not everywhere.
We never found a thousand pound booby trap but then we were in the valley
and they never dropped thousand pounders there. Our
casualties in booby traps almost all came from booby trapped grenades and punji pits.
Small stuff compared to what you ran into.
Nobody wanted to walk point in the valley. Me neither.
It was a precarious position at all times and they didn’t always wait
to shoot at the guys behind you either, as I presumed from training.
But I sure respect what other guys went through and your way’s handling point
in your war sounds a lot more rational than my or our own…
Semper fi, and thanks for telling it the way it happened to you…
Jim
I read your story and re-read it then I read the comments and your replies. I cannot tell you honestly which is most revealing and important to me. I can say though that I identify with all of it.
ESSAYONS
Glenn
Thanks Glenn. I haven’t been writing for any effect but there certainly has been some. The support of guys
like you was both unexpected and so very supporting in continuing on. Harder than most people might think but I’m not complaining.
Much. Thanks for the help and for giving it to me right here in front of the whole world.
Semper fi,
Jim
Many have commented they see a movie script in your writing. To me each chapter seems like an ephisode of a television series. A very long, very compelling series.
That’s a wonderful things to say Bob. Band of Brothers was a phenomenal success but then
WWII has always been a popular war whereas the Nam has remained not quite at the top of the list, so to speak.
But I much appreciate the analysis and your conclusion…and your writing it on here for everyone to see…
Semper fi,
Jim
I agree this would be on of the greatest series of all time. What’s Tom Hanks number the book should be sent to him
Movie stars don’t really pick what pictures they work on, I don’t think anyway. But thanks for that thought.
Tom is supposed to be a great guy but I’ve never met him.
Semper fi, and thanks for the compliment and your writing it on here…
Jim
There were 121 comments listed when I finished this segment again. If you’ll let me I’d like to comment on that. What you do here is one of the most gripping things I’ve ever been exposed to. Your open, honest care for the other combat vets AND those of us who lucked up on boring, clap is the only problem assignments is impressive. The combat vets, through their comments, fill out your story for the rest of us. From “ten feet tall and bulletproof” to scared shitless and back speaks to the heart all of you showed to just function in the shit. And it’s not just one or two making the statement. Thank you all for what you did and for talking about it, I’m learning from you. Korea 66-68.
Thanks Walt, once again for saying something I did not think to say.
Yes, the comments here could be a book all by themselves is
one was given a reference.
My book ends up being the reference. It was never intended that way.
I answer all the comments made on here, which you know.
I can’t help but answer them because the comments are so germane and so genuinely heartfelt.
Thanks for doing what you do so well Walt, and that’s talk a talk you understand right down
to the soles o your feet and bottom of your soul…
Semper fi,
Jim
As I have read and re-read this segment several times since you posted it one song keeps playing through my mind. AC/DC Hells Bells (even though it didn’t come out until, if I recall correctly 1980). Your written words so skillfully bring us into the reality of your experience in a way I have not the ability to express. The intro to this song brings a sense of you and your men slipping as silently through the bush to your objective and in my mind relates to the explosive outcome of the determination you Marines had to win that battle.
Nuff said other than thanks once again for not Suger coating the truth of what it really was. Oh yeah. Take care of Bentley!
Thanks Jack. You are most complimentary. The work itself does not seem so to me, as I write away
putting stuff down as best as I can assemble it. Your words spur me on and I thank you for that.
No sugar coating and no minimization of the losses, physical and mental…
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you for the heart you have just revealed to ssgt BobG. If this is his first trip in, our prayer should be that when he takes that scary ride home he is blessed to have a friend who has been to the city and seen that elephant. I had one and I have tried to be the listener when the friend has those questions he would never ask a medic for a long time now.
Now, the opening of this installment is the fodder of a wise literature professor will use someday to require his students analyze. I have never read a more important opening to a night and day which changed so many men. You are continuing to bless us all. Thanks again LT. Poppa
Well Poppa, I read what you write with intensity, quite naturally. You write deeply and you write about
what I write. I always sit back and think for a bit, which is uncommon for me when I read something.
Thanks for the depth of that compliment. When I write I am totally unaware that I might be writing for those that come next.
I just write it, edit it once and then paste it up. Again and again.
You are a true scholastic genius.
Semper fi,
Jim
My scholarship is the result of a Navy Chief father and in particular two English teachers, one high school, and one Jr College. They both demanded excellence and I got some practice writing performance evaluations until the AF let me retire. But critical thinking I believe was received genetically and even an AF Chief has to do some once in awhile. Thank you for the generous compliments. Poppa
My compliments about you and your own writing are spot on Poppa.
Thanks for always being there and here…
Semper fi,
Jim
If we ever get past political correctness in this nation, your work should be of great help not only to the military, but also to the field of psychology. That appears to be one area of the medical scientific field, that has been severely neglected by the military.
Your story is a minefield in psychology and should be thoroughly studied by all military leaders.
I’m not sure J. I mean I write the story but I can’t look at it the same way
with the kind of objectivity you possess.
I would say thanks but I’m not sure that is an accurate answer to what you are proposing…
which will never happen.
They don’t want to know.
Leadership of the country is not in the hands of men who’ve fought or would fight if called upon.
That’s just the way it is and they sure as hell don’t want to hear from people like me.
I am thrown away and I was thrown away
for some damned good reasons to them.
Semper fi,
Jim
My wifes uncle said that he thanks his father for teaching how to hunt and that is how he made it through Vietnam. He doesn’t talk about it very much at all but he did tell me about when he was walking point and he looked to his left and there was a north Vietnamese soldier there. He hit the deck, he said all hell broke loose , gun fire and rockets going of. He told me out of 48 of them only 8 were not killed or wounded. I tell you this because that was his greatest regret and he still after all these years has not forgiven himself. I’ve been kicking around the idea of sending him your book but I don’t want to bring him more pain but I would if that is what you and some of your readers think it might be right. I apologize for laying this at your feet but not having experience what you men did I would appreciate some guidance.
The book is about combat and what it does to us who perform in that
special limited and little known environment.
The book is not about what we do to effect the conditions present
in that nightmare arena, it is about what that arena does to us…
and then how we respond….
and regret is laced into everything that I write into and about it.
There is no Rambo crap in it and there were and remain so many situations
I could have performed so much better and
saved so many more.
The book will not hurt him. He’s already hurt to the core.
The book will just let him know it wasn’t him and that
there are a whole shitload of others walking around in his shoes
and sitting in his unrestful easy chair.
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you I’m going to order the first book for him. I only hope he doesn’t take offense.
Thanks Frank!!!!
Semper fi,
Jim
“The book” I feel has helped me in some ways with the same understanding of what went on one night with me. We were a 12 man ambush that was moving and ended up in the wrong place, a small NVA camp. There were 2 of us KIA and 4 WIA in less then a minute. We all wonder why them and not me, I was wounded that night, June 2 1970. I hope this helps you some way.
Jim this segment was one of the best to date, but hard for me to read, to much in my head sometimes. Keep them coming.
Thanks Mike for this hard written comment.
Yes, shit could just pop up out of that jungle.
The best laid plans…
And then guys were gone or dying in your arms or right nearby.
And then there we were again, to do it all over.
Until it came to be our time. Thanks for the reading under difficult circumstance
and thanks for writing about it on here.
I hope the book helps and I hope being right here with the rest of us helps too…
Semper fi,
Jim
“The smell of blood would not leave me. A coppery tasting mess of cloying sweet aroma that was invisible, yet overwhelmed every other sense.” Well put, I know this smell, could not have found the words to describe it. Once again thank you so much for allowing me to better understand those who came before me, and to better understand myself. Please keep up the good work!!
Andrew Luder (SSG) (RET.)
Operation Iraqi Freedom 2003-2004
122nd Combat Engineers, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment.
Thanks Andrew. Real combat reaches out across the years and generations, with those not being so exposed not knowing or understanding what it’s really like
and how the experiences and what you witness stays with you like your skin stays with you. Older, more cracked and irritated in places, but there it is.
Thanks for adding your comment, coming from a newer generation of warriors. Semper fi,
Jim
I was wondering what was taking you so long to write this chapter but then read the first three sentences and It sent a chill down my spine. I can’t imagine what it does to you.I have no words other than to thank you for your service then and the service you are still providing now.
G.W.
It seems the writing gets harder and not easier like I thought it would.
But I had forgotten about the toll that losing people takes on us and how all that is still down there.
Mostly, I am able to accommodate or block it aside now that I can’t use drugs or alcohol anymore.
I have to use activity and my close associations, none of whom are vets, by the way.
Thanks for your comment and the compliment written inside it…
Semper fi,
Jim
Outstanding again.
Semipir fidelis
Dave Coup
3/7/1 1969
Thanks Dave. Short comment and compliment, but meaningful.
Semper fi,
Jim
It was somewhat satisfying for a plan to come together and to be able to put some real heat on the little man. Wondering if we had done something different there would be less men lying at the bottom of that cliff. Knowing there would be many more if you had not came with a plan. Wanting to feel pride for what we did. Knowing full well that all we did was survive for another hour. Hope that tomorrow is not the day that I go home in that dark bag.
The fear of that bag was never far away and those bags were all over the A Shau
everywhere. Either stretched out and waiting, filled or long overdue for removal and swollen.
Tough times in that valley of no return…
Semper fi,
Jim
I am curious to know if your wife ever saw through your letters and knew/suspected what was really going on.