I opened the velvet-covered blue box and looked at the medal. There’d been no ‘pinning’ the medals to anyone’s chest, as I’d experienced in the Marine Corps. The medals and an eight-and-a-half by eleven blue plastic-covered certificates were handed out. The medal was the medal of valor, but the certificate didn’t mention the medal, only reading: “Certificate of Valor” across the top, written in ornate scrip. The medal box held the medal and a ribbon, pinned in just under it. I removed the ribbon to examine it in detail. The ribbon, blue and yellow striped with a thick red stripe running up and down it’s center, was the operational part of the award.
In the Marine Corps, there were rigid rules about not only the existence of decorations but also strict policies about how and when to wear full-sized medals, like the one I’d just been awarded. There were rules about the wearing of miniature ones to be worn with civilian attire, and then there was the positioning on the chest of where to place the ribbons and in what order. The ribbons were used on almost all uniforms and served to represent the medals themselves unless it was an unusual award like the combat action ribbon. There was no medal for that.
It seems all things happen for a reason in thier own time. Being rejected by the guys on watch, would have been excrutiating, the very people you would sacrifice for turning thier backs. Though in doing so along with the incompetent boss makes the choices you had to make easier, a catharsis. I know well the feeling surrounding what others feel about your service decorations and what you do. I recall as a rookie on parade with the old vets with rows of medals that spoke of action and gallantry. Now I look at mine cased and pinned to a shabrack and held in a shadow box for others to see. They are what other people thought of my service, I have my own thoughts.
Being survieled and manipulated by an unseen entity had to be humbling and somewhat terrifiying, even your wife not knowing the depth of it all. Definitely a new begining, a chance to belong, become part of the great cloak of protection the rest of the world will never see. There are so many challanges and opportunities to overcome, it had to be hugely exciting like an adrenalin junky. In plain sight of the world but with an invisible mandate no one else can know. The perfect setting for one adept at keeping thier worlds segregated, homelife, coverlife and worklife, each segmented away but appearing blended on the surface. Paul must have given the green light to your psychic that you could now control your various personalities, junior, officer Strauss, husband and dad and now operator/contractor.
Your sharing your lifetrough this medium has been an awesome journey! keep them coming!
Cheers
Jamie
Well, not that is one heck of an extensive comment. Several layers of intense interest here, at least from my standpoint as the author.
Your reach into the intimacy of the work is extraordinary and your own exhibition of writing talent is quite evident too. I much
enjoyed the reading and also the thought and contemplation you caused with my own emotions about that time.
Thanks for this remarkable comment and I am so happy to respond and approve it so the other readers, most of whom
read these remarks but don’t comment themselves, can enjoy it too.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Great insight is shown in your comment, James.
Thanks Chuck, although I’m not exactly sure which comment you were referring to.
No matter, I’ll take your intent and run with it!
Semper fi, my great friend,
Jim
Jim, I was referring to James Johnston’s comment
Thanks Chuck, that was a comment in full, I’ll say. Some of these readers can astound me
with the length and breadth of their knowledge about the work and life itself.
Semper fi, my great friend,
Jim
Must have been unnerving (to say the least) when you learned that much of your stay in San Clemente was monitored by the CIA and they had assets you were unaware of (Paul). Not sure what to make of the fact that the response of most who know of the artifact is you’ll know what to do. Big changes coming in the next chapters. Off to Los Alamos & Sandia labs next?
It was an amazing time of my life, and the lives of quite a few others. It made me understand that the internal workings of power
are nothing like what the public or I think they are…probably today too. thanks for the great comment. It wasn’t so unnerving as it was
being in a near constant state of shock.
Semper fi,
Jim
I concur with Jim’s analysis regarding what we THINK is going on locally and what is REALLY happening, especially in those interesting Western White House Days in San Clemente. I also left about the same time to engage a ‘different’ lifestyle.
Chuck Bartok left to pursue a life in Northern California where he met the woman of his dreams and enjoyed the rarest kind of marriage, as i have
enjoyed all these years. It’ hard to believe that on and off Chuck and I have worked together on different projects for more than fifty years.
That has been most wonderful. He’s stubbornly brilliant, stupidly loyal and more trustworthy than a bank vault. Thanks so much Chuck for all
you have put into my development over the years.
Semper fi,
My great friend,
Jim
Mr. Strauss, Sir,
I have never served, but I have long held a deep admiration and respect for those have – even in peace time, but especially in war time, and most especially in combat. In one of the comments along with this chapter, there was a statement that I need to think about.
““Torn between wanting to recognize a a deed and not wanting to trivialize a commitment made.”
Kind of a heavy duty idea. When I try to thank men and women who have served, I hope that it is received as sincere. And now I wonder if I should continue as I meet veterans in the future. What do you advise?
Thank you.
3.7 million served in Vietnam, of those only 375,000 saw open combat, of those 362,000 were killed or wounded.
1.2 million served in Iraq and Afghanistan, of those 116,000 saw open combat, of those 51,500 were killed or wounded.
Your chances of ever meeting and talking to a real combat veteran is slim to almost none…and part of that reason
is that those who live through that carnage of hell can’t much talk about the experience. Most vets you meet will not
be those combatants who survived and you can be pretty easy going with them as vets in generally are congenial, helpful
and caring…in spite of television and movie mythology.
Semper fi,
jim
Jim, I am enjoying reading this as you are looking back and writing it with probably a lot more understanding then when you were actually experiencing it. I don’t know if you ever kept a diary but doubt it because you were too busy living it and there seems to be always a lot going on not only in you but around you. You are fortunate to be able to look back and remember and share what you were actually experiencing. I wish I lived closer. It would be interesting to have you as a friend or neighbor. Blessings, friend, as you continue looking back. Keep writing! I almost feel like I am there near you as you share your experiences.
Thanks Henry, as you’ve discovered in life, it’s wonderful to have friends, but in this day and age, especially as we age,
it’s hard to find and have many of them around. Thanks for that wonderful comments. People don’t generally make generically
foundational comments about my value to them on the planet…so thank you most sincerely for stating wha you did. I shall continue
the work now on chapter XIII with a smile on my face.
Semipro fi, my friend,
Jim
Next stop Los Alamos ?? Well it can’t be worse then down in that damn valley right ??
Right ?? 😉
Very indepth chapter James, keep them coming !!
Semper Fi
Thanks, Sgt Bob, The Valley, The hospitals after surgery, coming to naked on the savannah in Africa, yes, there are some places I can
day dream back to and realize I’m not in that situation nor was the stuff I was going through right back then, even in chapter XII as bad
as those. It’s good to think that way as I never have a bad day…not in comparison.
Semper fi, and thanks of the compliment,
Jim
Minor point, but you wrote that you pinned the ribbon to your right breast “like the NDSM”. Is that a Marine thing? In the Army it would go on the left side.
The NDSM ribbon goes on the left breast, of course, and I was not clear about that.
I was reminded of when I took all my ribbons off at the sergeant major’s advice and wore
only the required NDSM ribbon, like the Medal of Valor ribbon but on the other side.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim this is a compassionate and deep dive into your psychological state at this time! Lots of drama in this transition. It was sensitive the way you described how we place medals on our uniforms noting those that are foreign. I had no idea of any of this – probably because I never received any recognition for anything except driving on the Shirley Highway. Oh well, I was there and was blessed that I didn’t have to experience what you did. I honor you, my friend, and am thoroughly enjoying the read. SF. Batman
The distance between San Clemente and Newport Beach was a lot further than 31.6 miles. That was by car, that distance, of course,
but the dimensional distance was considerably greater. You were the insurance end of the deal and at that, and teaching me about life
with the ability to socially survive, you were brilliant, but you were not to cross over…or you might not be with us today at all.
So many are not. I am happy that you are with us now. Wy the way, you have received and still recess the love of so many, and that
is worth more than all the little ribbons and medals put together.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Tom, you may not have had the same experiences, but your “time spent” definitely helped develop your fine leadership qualities and the ability to SHARE.
Newport Beach was a long way away, where Tom operated the main officer out of. In fact,
I can’t recall him ever visiting San Clemente in those years. After all, he had us!
Semper fi,
Jim
I have been following your story since you were sent directly to the field . I served peacetime Navy , 56 to 60 so I saw none of what my son and grandson saw during their service . This chapter brought me to tears when I realized just how truly some of our guys and gals suffer after returning. I will look at them a bit differently now and hug them a lil longer .
That old expression “it’s a hard world’ can fit in right after the phrase ‘thank you for your service’ although the two are never heard
pronounced together. There were and remain good moments and bad, but the bad early on sure seemed to outnumber the good.
Thanks for the great comment and the compliment in your making it here.
Semper fi,
Jim
I normally preface ‘thank you for your service’ with “I know it sounds trite”, which it has become. Torn between wanting to recognize a a deed and not wanting to trivialize a commitment made, I have, as yet, failed to find something more appropriate. The guys wearing silver stars, purple hearts, and other decorations, know all too well that ‘it’s a hard world’, and don’t need me reminding them.
My father served from 1936 to 1963 in the R C A F, passing away the day before he was to retire. So I know all about unrewarding commitment. ( his pension died with him)
“Torn between wanting to recognize a a deed and not wanting to trivialize a commitment made.” Wow, now that was a comment to
take time to think about. Thank you for the depth of your writing on the subject and adding the part about your own
experience… and your dad too. Means a lot to me.
Semper fi,
Jim
Another excellent chapter, Jim, though quite a bit deeper.
That’s kind of putting it mildly, my friend. That as a tough period, the change from one world, again, to another.
At the very least I had my wife, Julie, Michael and Bozo to take with me. Thorkelson, Bro, Elwell, Alice, Ronstadt,
Brown, Manning, Gularte and few more are still with us and its been a pleasure to be in contact with them again.
Most all played major parts in that past but almost none of them had any real clue as to what was going on when
it came to the big picture. thanks for the short but great comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
What an interesting chapter! Seems as if your questions are all about to be answered with or without you asking. To me it seems most of your time in San Clemente was controlled without your knowledge, and you where being steered to follow a path to you couldn’t even think about. I can understand your sorrow for leaving it behind, but it seems you passed the test with flying colors!! Welcome home sir! Semper fi
Bob I believe you are correct in your analysis. I think now, any time one may. work for such powerful people one is being manipulated in
ways that are not revealed, except by the resulting actins and consequences of that manipulation. Thanks for pointing this out in your
comment and thanks for making such things so pubic in such a well written way.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
James, Interesting that tasks are not assigned but hinted at …and it is left to you to determine how to accomplish them. Apparently you are very good in meeting those goals.
I await reading how you transition from San Clemente.
YouTube Dakota Meyer “Why the Medal of Honor has ruined my life”
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RfCAn5LvEs8
Some minor editing suggestions follow:
Unlike the Marine Corps, where there were rigid rules
“In” instead of “Unlike”
Drop “, where”
In the Marine Corps there were rigid rules
/to pin it above my right breast just above the middle of the pocket like I would have worn the national defense ribbon if that was the only decoration I was entitled to in the military./
My Army experience is the National Defense Service Medal (which was the first medal many of us received) was worn over the left breast. The right breast was for things like a Presidential Unit Citation.
turned and walked back to ward his office
“toward” rather than “to ward”
turned and walked back toward his office
“What is?? I asked, after a few seconds.
Drop second “?” replace with quotation mark.
“What is?” I asked, after a few seconds.
medals I’d wrapped in
Saran Wrap,
Backspace to close gap.
medals I’d wrapped in Saran Wrap,
Marines I didn’t have any more songs to guide
Two sentences
Period after “more”
Capitalize “Songs”
Marines I didn’t have any more. Songs to guide
‘Batmobile,’ as he called it. It. Fred was
Extra “It” Drop
‘Batmobile,’ as he called it. Fred was
I’d be leaving my therapist, or whatever he was behind.
Maybe a comma after “was”
I’d be leaving my therapist, or whatever he was, behind.
How was I to be paid hadn’t been discussed
Transpose “I” and “was”
How I was to be paid hadn’t been discussed
Blessings & Be Well
Dan, so great to have you not only back but right on top of things so quickly. I much appreciate your corrections
additions and so on, as well as you commentary about the story itself. I came to realize over time that, like the Liam quote from the movie Taken,
“I have certain skill sets.” I was talented but did not see it myself although that talent was so apparent to those around me. I just saw life as reacting to one thing after another…which in some ways it is, but not in all ways by any means. Thanks for the tremendous support and friendship.
We will meet one day.
Semper fi,
Jim
LT, didn’t write after the last chapter and should have. More to Little Mardian then we as readers had realized and you to. Now his chapter revels the CIA is everywhere around you. Paul is a CIA asset but only because of you. There’s more there than you know even now. Now the metal you threw away I believe was promised to your daughter.
JT.
The medal was not promised to Julie. She wanted it but that was not to be. To her it would have been a mere bauble, while to me
it was a symbol. Thanks for the analysis of what’s going on and the depth of your immersion in the story. Great compliment in its
way.
Semepr fi
Jim
You have pretty much answered my question about the makeup of the artifact LT, what I suspected but thought surely not! Time will out! BTW, also read your article about Bobo and the puppy and must say I am 100% in agreement!
Thanks Joe, yes, the puppy thing…bit kind of personal and deep. I do so hope that at the very least the state of South Dakota finds a way
to remove her from making governor decisions about everyone else’s lives. Thanks for the great comment and your extensive reading of my work.
Semper fi,
Jim
“All the same codes and rules applied to beach patrol shit as they did on street patrol and many more that non-beach patrol officers had to deal with.”
Did you mean SHIFT?
(I know either word fits…)
Nice to read another chapter so soon. It was good to relax and read it after finishing the last segment of competing my 712 feet of fence painting. All done, not bad for a 76+ year old. “The Fence is dead, Jim”–as ‘Bones’ would say to Capt. Kirk.
Sad that you tossed the medal.
THE WALTER DUKE. One must place a value on something in order to want to gain or retain it.
I didn’t mind the medals through that part of my life, civilian or military. They were beautiful and
well intended. But the reaction to them I wanted not at all. It was hard to write that last chapter.
I didn’t mention that I was crying in that parking lot. I never wanted to do that again. Once I said a man injured in an
auto accident. I was the first and only person there. I got him out and found that he had an arterial bleed from his left arm from
a glass cut. I belted the arm off and then began making sure he didn’t go into shock (raising feel, padding head and talking the whole
way through it. The EMTs finally came. I pulled back, my hands and chest a mess of blood, looked around and found my car. I went home and cleaned up and
never said a word. I felt fine. I’d done a redemptive act. I ran because I didn’t want another medal. I think you might understand.
Semepr fi, my friend,
Jim
The lyrics you’ve shared are from a song called “If You Go Away.” It talks about the intense feeling of loss and emptiness when someone you love leaves. The imagery of taking away the sun and the birds flying in the summer sky reflects the depth of this emotional experience.
You are mysterious and smart
The artifact’s removal is going to be tricky
What I am asking myself is what are you losing going to Los Alamos? Not leaving behind but losing?
I think you are losing your fear and realizing the turd hero is real – but you never liked the medals did you?
Did you feel you were just doing your job?
i did
You are a matryoshka doll
Thank you, Richard, for the depth of your response.
I felt about the medals, and still feel, that I was doing what I could to make a bad situation better, for myself and for those around me whom I could or might affect.
The blowing winds of change have blown very strongly and in almost cyclonic ferocity at times and what other people have witnessed, in their opinions about my conduct have been their opinions, not mine.
You are not consulted when you are awarded a medal for valor and such a medal is almost impossible to reject as the social degradation of doing that is worse than suffering the slings and arrows of the hero turd syndrome. The ‘prove it’ part of high decorations I never ever expected.
I thought that everyone would just know by the awarding and all that, but time flies and people go away and new ones come along and they went proof…not generally to honor but to find fault with. I never sent off for another California medal, the
certificate sits in my drawer here and the ribbon of course, just like in the story.
The artifact was more unbelievable than it was feared. It was like a UfO that’s actually sitting in your backyard.
Believe it or not, almost no one will want to look at it, and if seen, will try any explanation other than what the thing really is.
Thanks for your great comment and your great friendship.
As the therapist at the VA said to me years ago, when I waxed on about how I understood Jung’s works; “You are not nearly as intelligent as you think you are or portray, you simply have a quality wherein you can convince people around you that you are truly intelligent.” He didn’t understand when I sincerely thanked him.
He lacked the intellect to understand that you cannot convince people that you are truly intelligent unless you are.
Your friend,
Semper fi,
Jim
I think it is appropriate that we look back on your birthday to this confusion of leaving an acquired life as a “cowardly lion” to move forward into the abyss of the CIA! The question really is “What if you hadn’t left….there is no way you would have subsisted for 50 years an insurance guy! Great job describing the detail of all that is going on; but you really didn’t have any option, just like when you.went into the Vally
Happy Birthday
This last chapter and the next two are vital chapters in the saga.
They are chapters written when I was on the cusp, the very edge, with no rope, no pitons and staring down at an abyss many thousands of feet below.
When enriched nuclear product reaches the point of ignition it’s called ‘going critical’ and that’s where I was on many levels.
Thanks for the usual great comment and pointing out, once again, that those of us who have roamed the world in all different costumes and roles do so much more out of the vagaries and forces exiting and pressing upon us rather than by design.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Homan.
Your comment “there is no way you would have subsisted for 50 years (as) an insurance guy! ” struck me humorously this morning.
Actually, Strauss was a damn good agent, he just needed to be watched over intensely ~~smile
Yes, Chuck, I was well ‘watched over’ during those years…I can’t imganie any of the readers would disagree with this comment.
Semper fi, my friend
That is what made life so enjoyable during those wonderful times. ~~smile
It was an amazingly enjoyable time in so many ways…although with plenty of emotional spice…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
You wrapped your medals in Saran Wrap like Mary did to you! Damn! As unique and interesting as the artifact is I can’t believe they left you to your own devices. I think they’re all scared to deal with it! You wrote a beautiful empathetic article about Noems Cricket and Cowardly Lion in the same week! Wow! Good stuff Jim!
It is difficult to be sympathetic to a woman who has revealed an inner part of herself that she should never have surfaced, but once
revealed can never be taken back. Probably why I did not pursue the Thirty Days manuscript earlier in my life. Also, there’s the intellect issue
to consider. Just what kind of dim intellect would assume that the killing of puppy because you don’t or didn’t like it would fly in a dog, cat,
bird, horse and more pets culture? Her walk back will never be political but in life she can recover over time but it will take some real
work and also therapy.
Thanks for noticing the work and reading it and the clarity of your comment…always the clarity and depth.
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim