Picking out who was who or what was what from the cluster of men who hit the end of the bridge was impossible.. I worked the focus knob on the side of the Starlight scope to no avail. I couldn’t get a decent enough resolution to allow the green wispy moving creatures to have any identity. I prayed that Jurgens, being as close and highly positioned as he was atop the Ontos, would have a better ability to determine friend from foe. The flashlights screwed everything up because the diffused light blanked out key portions of the scope’s ability to reproduce an image. The image I was looking at was not reality. It was an interpretation and then enhancement by the addition of interiorly generated photons to make a picture on a very small television screen. The flashlights waving about created a bunch of what seemed like giant fireflies batting around all over the place. The Starlight Scope, probably without enemy intent, had been rendered all but useless.
Jurgens opened up with the Browning, firing one long continuous stream that had to consist of a complete belt. How long could Jurgens maintain that kind of fire, if it was Jurgens, I didn’t know? I wasn’t fully convinced that the totally self-serving man I’d had to deal with, to the point of sociopathic action, was capable of standing to face down the enemy and then stick it out. Could the unrecognizable Marine on the Ontos be someone Jurgens had paid off with the Thompson to stand in for him? It would be just like him.
At first, the volume of fire was spattering until the enemy .50 Caliber opened up, and then the Marines began hammering the entire area, from the end of the bridge to both mudflats on each side. A minor berm would allow for just a bit of cover on the other side if someone laid totally flat and pressed himself into the soft mud. I’d done it several times myself.
Jim,
There was no drama. His chest simply started to move less and less, each breath just a tiny bit smaller than the one before.
This line has me writing here though I feel unqualified to comment as I was never anywhere near the military or war. Born in ‘60 I could only witness through TV and print the horrors you and the other men and women on here were immersed in.
I am writing to let you know that after reading the line above I cried for the first time since my father died at 88 almost 5 years ago.
I’m a doctor and the last week of his life he was in diapers and confined to bed crying out for the police to come save him from his forced confinement. He was home, on hospice, with my sister, mom and I.
The last 24 hours he was comatose but, alive. Though he was dying, I hastened his death by giving him the hospice supplied morphine (not injected but, under his tongue as he couldn’t swallow) as by his rapid breathing, fever and facial expressions it was obvious he was not comfortable. Hospice was not there (as we were in rural KY) so I had to withdraw to my “doctor” self to do what I did for my dad, my mom and sister.
Though I haven’t grieved as a son (until reading your words) I have on occasion since, in the quiet early morning hours, awaken with panic that I killed my dad.
Thank you Jim for brining me, with your words, to a place I could finally connect with the son in me. And cry for the first time since his death.
I now work in a prison. And several of my patients are Vietnam Vets. I am going to purchase your books so they can read them.
Though hesitant to post a comment I wanted you to know how much you have affected me, and I’m sure countless others, though I’ve never experienced the horror of combat.
Thank you for opening up your wounds so I could open mine.
Chris
Those of us who are given the Hand of God to move at His direction…are specially chosen
and not to be understood at all. To carry the load after that is also almost impossible for any ‘regular’ person to understand.
You did the right thing. I did the right thing too. Now, I pray that my ‘right’ is also God’s ‘right.’ I believe so.
Thanks for saying what you said here because that helps me immensely, as well.
Semper fi,
Jim
I’m taking you All The Way HOME Captain! A Hell of a Resume you came back with Lt!
Yes, they said that I could be a surveyor…so I said okay. They said there were no surveyor jobs
available. I said okay. That was it. Vets from the shit should never ever be treated like that again.
A job, a good job, and some respect would go a very long way when a vet comes home.
Semper fi,
jim
I sure know what ya are saying. Was a Guided Missle Destroyer Sailor and not up to my eyeballs in the Heavy Shit but did have some close calls. TET of “68” was pretty lively. I wasn’t aware of the, don’t come home in uniform unwritten rule. I did experience, first face saliva thing from a cute little flower girl at the S.F. Airport after she asked me aside to speak to me. Another awakening! Last flight coming to the airport in Sacramento. I was pissed off and took a year off, drinking alot and spending time at the river until I had to find a job. Folks didn’t believe so many of us got spit on! True it was! Thank-You Lt. and Welcome Home
Thanks for your own personal experience written here Rand.
Many guys got poor treatment when they got home,
although most didn’t get literally spit upon.
Sorry that happened, of course, but here we are…better times
and vets are being considered much better partially thanks to how bad we had it…
Semper fi,
Jim
A gut wrenching chapter of death and it just continues on. So powerful I’m amazed you can continue on but you must as you lead us to the end. Thank you.
Was in Kentucky couple weeks ago. Went to the hotel bar to get a bite to eat setting down at a long narrow table with a family at the other end. Noticed the man sitting there was wearing a baseball hat with Vietnam veteran on it and two red A’s next to each other, 82th Airborne. So I said hi and introduced myself. We talked about our time in Nam, where we were etc. Discovered this vet could not talk about his time there until 1990. I ask him what changed and he responded “support groups”. He said as he talked about his time there in the support group it became easier each time to talk about. As we talked I discovered he had lost both feet was diabetic and on kidney dialysis thanks to agent orange. Yet he talked with a big smile on his face and I ask him why. He simply said “i’m still alive and I spend my time trying to educate people what our mission was there and how we accomplished it. Discovered he gives talks at schools and groups whenever he can. We shook hands, thanked each other and he headed back to his room. How lucky I was that our lives crossed if only for a brief moment.
Thanks so much for that gut wrenching comment you just laid down JT. I love to read the additions that people offer on here that involve their own lives
and how the story and returning home effects us all so deeply. Thanks for pouring your own heart out here and thanks for having the confidence to do that.
The men and women on here are an amazingly accepting and supportive group, all on their own.
Semper fi,
Jim
Defines the actions taken under horrid conditions leaving internal scars unseen by others quite well LT.
By the way James, standing in line at the pharmacy the other day I noticed a man about my age with a certain ball cap I’d never seen before. Asked him about it and come to find out he was one of those fly boys just like Cowboy making gun runs for the troops on the ground !!!
I thought of you and your Marines and damn near hugged the old fart, but I did shake his hand and give him a profound thanks from the Marines !!
Keep ’em coming sir as I’m on the edge of my seat once again.
SEMPER Fi
Sgt. Bob, much appreciate the anecdotal addition of your own experience being written out here.
The books have taken on a life of their own in many ways.
Thanks for illustrating that and being with me all the way…
Semper fi,
Jim
Wow, sorry but this sometimes brings tears to my eys in reading not only the story but some of the comments. I was a 2533 when I got disharged and was also the radio jammer. But my company commander had picked me for his radio operator so I understand a little. However I got out when they were just sending people from the 3rd division over there as advisors. This is a very powerful reading and I wonder about myself over there. Thanks for this writting!!!
SEMPER FI LT
Very powerful commenting that does not get much in the way of commenting…like your own on here. Effects me daily and deeply and the guys and gals on here like
you got me through this last depression…not anything I did on my own, and I can’t thank everybody enough…
Semper fi,
Jim
SEMPER Fi Lt. brings tears to my eyes also.
Thanks Alex, I am glad that you are reading the story in depth and commenting about it here.
Yes, there were such emotional times back then and they, of course, transfer down through the years.
Appreciate the heartfelt nature of your words…
Semper fi,
Jim
The reason for the delay in the writing of the horror in that valley becomes more obvious with each chapter James. Peeling back the scab and sharing with remarkable emotion and detail is not easy. Carruthers never had a chance, a good man. And Jurgens, court marshall or Silver Star? What a character. Another great chapter James! Semper Fi!
The ying and the yang of human interaction down in the A Shau Valley where inhuman conditions and situations prevailed. How can
men be judged? How can the actions of others be properly put into perspective in light of our own? How do we evaluate the past,
where inhumanity was required to survive but survival is redefined upon coming home? These are the questions that plague mankind
when it becomes involved at the forceful intervention among lives with weaponry and deadly intent. Jurgen’s? What about Junior?
The Gunny? Hard stuff.
Thanks for the usual intense and thoughtful comment Poppa…
Semper fi,
Jim
Whew, what a night. Cowboy will be around in about a quarter of an hour, and then it hits the fan again.
Masterfully written, and masterfully led too on that terrible night Wow.
That segment you write of is being laid down as I write this reply to you. You are indeed astute or prescient. Thanks for the
comment and the one great compliment word at the end of it…
Semper fi,
Jim
Could not stop reading this chapter and the previous one. A couple of questions. Marines could not get air at night? We saw Puff at night only. Two you say M-60s yellow tracers? We only had red. They had green. Hanging on for the chapter.
Thanks for the great support and compliments. I too questioned the tracer data much later on, only to discover from another vet friend that there were six tracer colors produced for the 7.62 Nato rounds.
Four companies produced the rounds and at any one time one could get yellow or red tracers quite commonly…I have laid down what I saw and sometimes I question that but not real often. The memories are
like crystal clear…
Thanks for the comment and care…
Semper fi
Jim
sir i was a medic and your story takes me back there i smell the jungle the blood after your done i am going to purchase your book and share it with the men in my ptsd group thank you and by the way there is nothing junior about you slow salute SIR
You were there. You know. Few among men were there and know. We are two. We are one.
We were there. Now we are here. We were grounded to the earth over there, but now constantly try to understand
where we are here…and wonder how that came to be. Thanks for being one of the two…and the one…with me…
Semper fi,
Jim
Reverence among the chaos Sir
Great phrase Darren and so applicable to that situation…
Thank you…
Semper fi,
Jim
Wow.
Great one word compliment. Very Marine Corps!
Semper fi,
Jim
Again, powerful writing, riveting action and marvelous humanity, all in one voice.
Thank you. I believe we all have many different qualities and characters inside us.
Combat can bring out ones that we have no clue about then, and even later on.
Thanks for the meaningful comment and the compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
Sad, 1983 burned visions like that into my head.
Sorry to read that Patrick. I presume you were in the Middle East…
Thanks for your work over there and writing on here now…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim/LT —
I had thought to wait until after the last chapter was published before commenting, but I can’t hold back any longer. You book has been the MOST riveting read I have EVER had (and I have read many, many a tale, both fact and fiction), bar none !
I have been a student of leadership for 40+ years (25 in our beloved Corps), and I have NEVER seen the hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute, day-by day HELL described as you have so MASTERFULLY done. I’m not ‘blowing smoke’ — I wish I had had THIS to read at the beginning of my journey, rather than at its sunset.
The typos have probably all been caught/fixed — the STORY will stay with me and everyone who has had the good fortune to read it LONG after we have done so…
THANK YOU.
There are those who only believe that certain things in history could have happened a certain way. YOU are proof that it is (and ALWAYS will be) the one in the middle of the story that determines the outcome.
THANK YOU.
For sharing your story — it’s deepest truths and most gut-wrenching moments.
THANK YOU.
Semper Fidelis,
Lefty
I hope you don’t mind Lefty, but I put your comment up on my Facebook sites.
It is just too…hell, I don’t know, too fantastic, wonderful.
What author would not tap dance across the top of his dog house to read that compliment?
An African kid once told me “you make my heart soar like a butterfly,” and that it is.
You make me able to continue on into some pretty tough nights where I am sitting up alone.
But not alone. I have you guys and gals and I never now forget that…
Semper fi, and thanks so very much…
Jim
For the first time you have left no doubt about what slice of eternity you and your Marines were in doing what you could to stay alive. The very short segment about Firebase Khe Sanh and its abandonment. In my minds eye I can imagine where the combat experience of your leadership Marines had been experienced. Now I know you are up against an enemy bloodied in villages towns and cities along the coast, in their base camps again nursing wounds and losses. Maybe these are the guys pursued when they retreated.
They were cornered and angry and you show up on their turf.
The way you have given us the story of Capt Curruthers also has given me a peek into your wounds. I am still in awe of your willingness to give the”world” a true look at the Vietnam combat survivor. Thank you. God Bless you and your fellow survivors. PJ
Wow, Poppa, you are on fire this night and I cannot but smile and persevere into the next segment with your backing, and the backing of my other ‘Skyraiders’ flying cover for me as I proceed,
in this the most uncommon and unbelievable writing adventure of my life…I always thought writing was so solitary and it was…but not anymore. I do it with you guys and I don’t have a clue
as to how that happened here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you for the compliment and I too do not know how this happened either, but the benefits of your struggle here have opened many doors for men who have the same experiences and pain. I wish you well as you push on in an amazing effort. Poppa
I am half way through the next segment, which I plan on having up on Saturday as I hope to settle into a ‘routine’ if this story can have a routine,
of one or two segments a week until we get to the end of September…together….
Thanks for being a big help to me Poppa…
Semper fi,
Jim
Ironic that now, “SAPPER Leader” Is an U.S. Army leader course. I too remember when the term Sapper was dire warning of things to come. Now that French word for “undermining walls and barriers” “sapeur” represents excellence in engineer training for our combat arms.
I had hoped that Kilo and especially Carruthers would make it past the Ontos before the shooting started.
ESSAYONS.
Glenn.
Funny how the language and meaning all changed in so many things. The phrase booby-trap became I.E.D. and so much more.
Thanks for that informative comment and the support you lend in your words…
Semper fi,
Jim
It came back after 51 years! I just read the last 2 chapters one after another. About 6 months after I was released from the hospital and discharged my younger brother asked if I was ever afraid over there. I told him I was almost always afraid. The only time not afraid was when the shit hit. At that point my balls seemed to crawl into my belly and adrenaline ran. I was more alert than at any other time. I stayed in that condition until the wounded were taken care of and said a prayer. Then I was afraid again. He never asked another question and I have avoided all others.
We are kin, combat kin and the feelings and fears were the same for all of us if you lived in that shit for any time at all.
Funny, how we all thought it was just us and how alone we really were…when we’d been led to believe how group oriented and brother driven we’d be…
and then not…everyone was simply too frightened and not wanting to die…not matter what. Thanks for adding your own life experience here and I am glad you
are with me this night and into the tomorrows we both have ahead…
Semper fi, brother,
Jim
Where words become pictures,
Of memories stirred…
When pain falls as raindrops,
As echoes made pure.
The drum of our heartbeat,
Beats on to assure…
The songs of our lives although written,
Should be felt…
In as much as are heard.
I feel you, Lieutenant…as does your radioman.
Well done,
Semper fi
As always you are so on the mark, Dennis.
Thank you for being you.
Semper fi, Jim
That poem touched me, Dennis. I recorded it.
Here is link to listen and download
https://thirtydaysvietnam.s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/DennisHayes2.mp3
Thank you so much, Chuck…For the depth of your compliment beyond words, I’m moved!
As said by all.. Another Great chapter, hearing the drums, gunfire,explosions by reading what is written..
Tough to lose another Marine and friend.. better to go easy than suffer..
In Saving Private Ryan, they did the same for a fatally wounded after attacking the radar/radio tower.. Didn’t realize till reading these chapters what they had really done in the movie and likely actual combat..
Like you said.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other..
look forward to next day when your ready..
Saving Private Ryan was totally fiction, and the power of fiction to tell the truth because the truth, as the line in that movie with
Jack Nicholson said “You can’t handle the truth.” The world does not deal in truths….it deals in survival and that’s a long way from truth.
Hopefully, some of the ‘fictional’ truths I am telling can help those who want to go charging in like the NFL guy. They might just hold back
and try to apply some of what the Gunny and then the Marines taught me. My Marines did not want me to lead them to the point of killing me, but
then they changed when I’d made it long enough and I became an icon of leadership to them although I will always look back to Carruthers and Tex and the Gunnyas more leadership
qualified then I…
Semper fi, and thanks for the great comment and the compliment to go with it…
Jim
Thank you again for having the courage to format the nightmare as “entertainment”, for lack of a better word. Strange that some of us might consider a description of horror that way. Good work sir.
It is interesting. Reality is always interesting, although we don’t always want to participate in it or live it as reality.
It was Lord of the Flies with a whole more violence and a whole lot more equipment…
Semper fi,
Jim
“Your scout sergeants don’t seem to do too well,” I think the new sergeant means.
Should be: “Your scout sergeants don’t seem to do too well, I think the new sergeant means.”
Yes, and thanks for that bit of help…and the meaning behind making it too…
Semper fi,
Jim
What a powerful read James…all the emotion of losing men for “the good of the many”…how did you all survive…and what a powerful statement when you reminisced about your petty worries back home…I told my son when he volunteered for airborne combat infantry that what he would experience would make the rest of his life seem like gravy and that the minor issues would be nothing anymore…and after he got out, he actually agreed with me when he laughed at some guy complaining about the gravy not being hot on his biscuit at breakfast…those who have never been in service will never understand and will always take everything for granted…probably one of the toughest segments to read yet…and I am sure it was a tough write, but once again you show the characteristics of a true leader…and NO ONE conveys the combat experience and how the minds swirls like you do…Great Work James…
What a wonderful read Mark. The depth of your comment deserves rereading again and again. It was tough to write and it’s tough to
go on into the end of the last three days and nights. But, I have your guys and gals, like the Skyraiders of old, up there backing
my every move. Thank you most sincerely,
Semper fi,
Jim
When I “shared” the last chapter on my page, a Veteran I know (101st) tried to read it, said he avoids the movies and books. “Not good for the noggin”. he said. I didn’t really think that one through until I saw his comment.
I fully understand that veteran’s feelings. It was hard for me to see Full Metal Jacket and also Platoon…Saving Ryan a bit less and
the rest, like Deer Hunter and Apocalypse Now I found to be funny as hell…’Pirates of the Caribbean’ compared to the real deal. But, denial does
not lead to acceptance and then an inner peace. I have found that writing the books has provided a lot of both of those for me, and a lot of
that has come from the comments on here by people like you. Thank you most sincerely,
and Semper fi,
Jim
Well, you’ve reached back into the depths and twisted just a little bit more LT. As always, thanks for sharing your story with us. Semper Fi Sir.
You are most welcome for that thanks Mike. It’s all in there and coming out, as the action and everything else
going on in that valley was such high drama at just about every turn of the river. Thanks for helping me along by writing on here…
Semper fi,
Jim
For what it’s worth LT Carruthers was gonna die either way. At least he didn’t die an
excruciatingly, agonizingly painful death.
Yes, I agree with that statement Tony. I have written my work partially as a primer for those who might be going into
combat…especially conditioned and trained officers. You cannot walk right in, erect, correct and applying training
principals and demonstrating your courage and bravery…and live. Thanks for the depth of your comment and your courage in
writing it on here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Another moving chapter, brought tears to my eyes. I agree with the earlier comment the NVA commander was cussing up a storm since his plan to destroy the Ontos blew up in his face. Stay strong and focused out there James. Hope that the NVA .50 is toast.
Only at the last minute did I figure it out…and that was simply because of the fluke of the name of the sapper regiment.
Then it was only logic. They sacrificed guys with flashlights to see where to place the charges and also to make sure we
might not figure it out…thanks for the great comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
The dawn is drawing nigh and your friend Is on the way. Emotional read. Not sure I want to know what is on the horizon.
Thanks for the comment sir, and all I can do is lay it down the way it went down…the rest is up to you…
Semper fi, and thanks for writing and saying something…
Jim
To do or die!! Awesome chapter
Yes, it was all of that Ron, and thanks for coming on here to comment about it and thanks sincerely for the great compliment…
Semper fi,
Jim
James,
I was going to nit-pic you about the turret of the Ontos not being rotated to the target vs rotating the the whole body. However, this chapter is not about tactics. It is about life and death. About sanity and insanity. About survival of the body and mind. How you mentally survived this to finally write about it today is nothing less that a miracle. IMHO your strength to mentally survive is testament to the human spirit and a faith to a higher order, whether you understood it at the time or even now. God Bless you, James Strauss.
Thanks so much for the depth and meaning of your comment Bill.
I had to go back and put in the turret thing…
because I had not added that the crew had replaced the pins for changing its orientation
and hammered them down to the point where they could not get them out again.
A few picked up on that omission. Thanks so much for the rest of your comment and the thought you put
into writing it on here. God bless you too…
Semper fi,
Jim
Wow, such a moving read.