I crawled to the lip of the berm and fell straight into an empty hole that had to be six feet deep if it was an inch. Fusner cascaded down upon me with Nguyen slipping down next to him. The sound of the drums and the NVA fifty followed us right down into the bottom of the hole. The Ontos was not firing because it was set up with its flechette loaded rifles aimed to cover the bridge, which meant it could not fire at all until the area was clear of whatever survivors there might be from Kilo company trying to get across the bridge. I could not ignore the rapid thumping of the fifty-caliber. It was like each explosion, powering each round, ate into my very being. I climbed to see what I could see from the top of the hole, but the night consumed almost everything except the ceaseless arc of green tracers coming from the 50.
I ached to call in a 175 mm howitzer mission. The company was dug in, but the material of the bank consisted of soft and loamy dried mud. Even dug in, the protection the fox holes provided was next to nothing when pound-sized chunks of hot torn metal would surely be flying around. All of I could think of was how to stop the .50 caliber from decimating Kilo even more than it already had. I could see nothing of the far bank. Even the water heaping up and flying over the top of the upside-down Russian tank was invisible, although I knew it was still there. The scene burned into my mind, almost as if it was lit by huge Hollywood Klieg lights, although there was next to nothing for me to really ‘see.’ I stared into the dark, listening to the machine gun fire, the horrible drums, and feeling a sense of loss and guilt so powerfully that I could not move. I was not frozen in terror. I’d been frozen in terror before. I was frozen by something else I couldn’t understand. I was frozen by a raw cloying agony of not wanting to be alive anymore. I’d been in the A Shau Valley for about three weeks, and I’d retreated up, down and back and forth through it more times than I could count. I had not planned or provided for this, the worst retreat of my life, with any kind of an active or passive thought at all. I realized that I’d thrown myself into being too busy working out a technical problem to pay attention to the fact that the stupendous size and potential effects of the overall situation needed to fully occupy me, and not the detail. Anyone in the company capable could have made the swim out to the bridge, but I’d wanted to do it myself. Anyone could have worked with the Gunny to secure the chain, and then supervised the Ontos bridge operation, but I’d enjoyed the brush blocking avoidance and temporary escape it gave me instead of paying attention to what was happening on the larger scale. I’d led nobody anywhere, instead I allowed myself to be diverted, or in reality, diverted myself from what I should have been doing, and consequently, nearly a whole company of men was having to pay for my potential failure to pay attention with their lives.
I stared fixedly out at the end of the bridge, where the Ontos sat, not twenty feet from the rear edge. Twenty feet. My mind rolled the number I’d come up with out of the blue, around and around in my head. The distance I was approximating for the Ontos to reach the end of the bridge was about the same distance that the bridge was wide. I knew the Ontos was a bit less than ten feet wide itself.
Welcome back Junior, as you take control again, with vigor and clarity. Your modern day Army is locked and loaded, moving with you with each step you take.
Those who paid the ultimate price must be so proud as you tell their story too, to be read and understood through the ages! Indeed you WILL finish your mission into hell again as planned! Welcome back Sir! You are such a bright and gifted writer, and a real blessing to all who served. Thank you!
I can only wish and hope about the guys who did not make it. Block 43 West at the memorial in D.C. is impossible for me to
stand in front of. I just could not do it. I was nearby and I hope that was enough. My self-image is anything but one that
might allow for the fact that I did the best I could. When you come home after something like this you can only feel how you could
have done so much better. The retrospect thing is a bitch.
Thanks for the kind words…
Semper fi,
Jim
This last bit of the last ten days leave me concerned about the total outcome. Leaves me in doubt of our (yours and mine) TBS training. It’s a miracle that you and company lived through this shit so far.
TBS training was great, and a lot of fun for the most part, when we weren’t too tired or beaten to shit.
But, as far as preparation for what was going on in the Nam, it was nearly a total disconnect. From fauna and flora
to weaponry and cultural preparation and linguistics TBS was totally inadequate. Thanks for pointing that out in your
way, or maybe it was all there and I just didn’t absorb it…
Semper fi,
Jim
At age 70, I have been an avid reader of hundreds of informative books, biographies, history and historical fiction included. NEVER have I had a trilogy as your 30 Days totally consume me! You awaken and involve all my senses in these books. You not only quickly excelled as an officer reluctantly in command to one who garnered respect from your Marines, but you are now demonstrating expertise as a proven writer. Holy Lord, I have such difficulty calming down after each entry any more! Well Done. Thank you for your service once again. In my prayers, sir.
Thank you so much Bob. I am always surprised by the effect that reading the work seems to have on veterans.
And the more combat experienced the vet the more they really get it. That kind of compliment from such men is almost impossible to get out
here in this phenomenal world. Thanks for baring your own soul and thanks for the prayer too…
Semper fi,
Jim
I hate to copy and paste a large block of a paragraph, but I know of no other way to make my point.
I’d been in the A Shau Valley for about three weeks, and I’d retreated up, down and back and forth through it more times than I could count. I had not planned or provided for this, the worst retreat of my life, with any kind of an active or passive thought at all. I realized that I’d thrown myself into being too busy working out a technical problem to pay attention to the fact that the stupendous size and potential effects of the overall situation needed to fully occupy me, and not the detail. Anyone in the company capable could have made the swim out to the bridge, but I’d wanted to do it myself. Anyone could have worked with the Gunny to secure the chain, and then supervised the Ontos bridge operation, but I’d enjoyed the brush blocking avoidance and temporary escape it gave me instead of paying attention to what was happening on the larger scale. I’d led nobody anywhere, instead I allowed myself to be diverted, or in reality, diverted myself from what I should have been doing, and consequently, nearly a whole company of men was having to pay for my potential failure to pay attention with their lives.
That passage alone is worth the price of Book Three.
Thanks for noticing a part of the book I did not.
I re-read what I wrote and it gained more meaning to me than the mere recitation of what happened
and my reflections on it, at the time and over time.
Truth is a funny thing.
We don’t get much of it when it comes to coloring with the paintbrush of perspective.
The Kilo crossing was one of the worst screw-ups of my life but I could not see it until it was happening.
Semper fi,
Jim and thanks for the understanding…
It seems as though I am not the only one who is mystified by the Gunny’s mercurial persona. Have read this section three times now and have no more understanding of his mind set, or shifting, than I did the first time through.. Take care Lt..
The Gunny was impossible to understand, given performance over time.
More like a cat than a human being.
What he was going to do next I never knew.
I went from being totally out with him and then heroic to him, in minutes sometimes.
Semper fi, and thanks for the depth of your comment.
Jim
I enjoyed this chapter very much, as always! Thank You very much!!
Thanks William. I run on such compliments since I don’t make much money selling books
using Amazon! Never mind, I much appreciate the help along the way here…
Semper fi,
Jim
Suggestions:
…nearly a whole company of men was paying (not having to pay)
The noise of the combat going on across the river…constantly (not constant)
“So you’re going to order the Ontos to turn?”…gave (not giving)
The green image of the end of the bridge…soon to be attacking troops would kill them (not attack to kill)
I moved the scope slightly…had sent (not had had to send)
Great writing, James. The story is gripping, really interesting!
Thanks terrifically for the assistance here…you are a pro…and thanks for the compliment too…
Semper fi,
Jim
Dadgum it Jim. You come out with two chapters in the two days before my cardiologist appointment? This is going to be fun. I finally had settled down and here you drop me by the bong song in one meck of a hess! And by the way….what the heck is a stygian?
“The dark was stygian and I could see nothing”
synonyms: dark, black, pitch black, pitch dark, inky, sooty, dusky, dim, murky, shadowy, unlit; from the Internet
dictionary. Throwback to early poetry use in Great Britain. Thanks for the terrific compliment and I hope against hope
they give you something for that heart…because it is a really big one…
Semper fi,
Jim
Lt.- how far were you from Zulu Relay? Or were you aware of the outpost back then?
Zulu was up at the very north end and then a bit east of the A Shau, if I have my directions right.
They ran a special listening post but their efforts were more directed about protecting Khe San than
in general. Heard of it but had not contact or any effect I knew of…
Thanks for the reference and interesting consideration though…
Semper fi,
Jim
Another great read that is an Intense, very Intense time to go through and then to relive to write about 50 years later..
a minor correction when Jurgens? comes out of the back of the Ontos..
he “sent” back down to join his companions maybe should be “went” back down..
Welcome back also and will wait patiently for the next segment in this lifetime of 30 Days..
Appreciate the comment and your focus on the details, Jon
The correction has been made
Semper fi,
Jim
I’ve commented before and all I can add is that you have a ‘point blank’ way of telling the story that puts the reader right there in the mud and stink next to you. No added BS of second guessing the Brass even though they apparently were the cause of the Hell in the Valley that you write about.
Your memory seems to be crisp, maybe a lot more than you care for. I’ve been working on my story of 20 years in the Army, mainly for my grand and great grand kids. Some things are as clear as yesterday, but my memory is fading.
Keep up the great work, there are a lot of us out here who need to hear this.
Scouts Out!
Thanks Rick. Yes, the memories are still burned in, like fanned embers now that I am rolling again. And my motivation to
finish the combat part of the odyssey is reinvigorated, mostly by the people on here like you. Those of us who lived and
made it home from the valley are a different sort entirely…and that’s really hard to describe to those who were not down
in that valley…
Semper fi, and thanks a lot for baring your soul.
Jim
If an episode shows up while I’m driving, I pull over, park, and read it before continuing.
This must be required reading at military senior service schools. As The Killer Angels was required before the Civil War block at USAF War College, so should Thirty Days before the Vietnam War block. This knowledge is what senior leaders lack. On top of all that, your writing and story telling are equal to any I’ve seen.
What a grand compliment Dave.
I am much appreciative.
There was never anything approaching reality in reading durning Marine Officer training.
I think the Corps thinks it would be de-motivational.
I don’t hold out much hope there, but it’s fun to think about it.
Thanks for the great remainder of your complimentary comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
This is chess.
You’ve set the board with all the possible scenarios and once again you know exactly when to
close the episode.
Great writing and great dramatic timing.
I was away for awhile absorbed in my own world but the first sentence of this installment
put me right back in the valley with you.
I’m studying the view from the edge of the hole, waiting for the next ……………………….
DonS
The edge of the hole. Interesting phrase you used to describe the sequence. It was all about the view from the edge of that hole,
although, in truth, I wanted to be moving….going to the Ontos myself, anything other than leaning into the mud side of that hole
and waiting waiting waiting…command can be horrible because you don’t get to act physically…and that part was maybe the hardest.
When I did act then I wasn’t there to do the planning and supervise the execution of the plan…
Semper fi, and thanks for the thought provoking comment…
Jim
LT..thank you for the time and energy spent telling your story. Your story telling ability is awesome, thank you for developing and using it
Much appreciate reading this comment Glenn, as I work to get the next segment out by Wednesday. If I am to finish the 3rd book
on the 30th of September there can be no more ‘breaks’ for adjustment. I must continue on.
THANKS FOR THAT HELP.
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you for sharing your story, James.
You are most welcome ED!!!!!
Semper fi,
Jim
The tenth paragraph, ends with well draw fire from the .50, should be will. One hell hell of a ride Lt.
Yes, it was one hell of a ride, although I sure as hell did not see it that way at the time.
Thanks for the comment,
Semper fi
Jim
Trying to catch my breath !!!
sh*t is about to get real !!
SEMPER Fi
Thanks Sgt. Means a lot to me to get such heart felt comments like your own.
Thanks for the compliment inherent in your words.
Semper fi,
Jim
Still waiting for Jurgens to get his karma. Never like to think that some of these guys did each other in.
So many did each other in and I was not to be excluded from that either.
Sometimes, to live, one must die a little bit inside. Killing is a way of dying a little bit inside
and the revival of those ‘dead’ parts takes a lifetime if it is to occur at all.
Semper fi, and thanks for the accurate and meaningful comment.
Jim
As I read the last two segments what comes to mind is “Deeds Not Words”. Welcome back LT.
Thanks Mike S, been a while and I missed the back and forth on here that is so vital to writing the story.
So many men and women helping on here…thank you.
Semper fi,
Jim
Damn!
That one laconic word. Like ‘nuts’ at the Battle of the Bulge.
Thanks for that compliment. Short but sweet, coming from you.
Semper fi,
Jim
As you battle the politics in your company, I once read a great truth:
Remember, people aren’t against you, they’re just for themselves.
I didn’t think it could get better, but it is…
Great writing.
That’s a really good point. Of course, when they are going for themselves and you step in the way,
guess what…they will run right over you. Thanks for the great compliment you gave me, as well as the depth of your comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
I have always thought when someone was facing extreme fear that either they run away from it or they face it as their minds react quickly with a solution that protects them.
You did not run, your mind reacted quickly, but your solution was for all not just for you.
I call that true love for your fellow man.
God Bless You,
Nancy
Sorry that this got sent to spam. Found it, and you again, and thanking you as I usually always do…
Semper fi,
Jim
2nd paragraph… All of I could think of ……. drop the first “of”.
Another good chapter, LT, and again, caught in the pincers.
Thanks for the help and the great compliment Joel…it means a helluva lot to me…
Semper fi,
Jim
Incredible job, incredible writing, don’t worry about the small BS mistakes in writing
Those small mistakes, Willis, have to be corrected so I can go to print when I am done. The guys and gals on here
are my editors so I much appreciate it when they offer their opinions on stuff I miss or cannot see when I review.
Much appreciate the compliment of your defending me though and the word ‘incredible’ means a lot too…
Semper fi,
Jim
I have to add this. I am seeing a sort of maturity developing in Command decisions processes. Yet I find it a badly perverted situation driving this maturation in the face of treachery, murder, and constant threat to your own mortality. Man, I just read this comment back to myself, and find it a pompous ass trying to comprehend someone being in the shit. Sorry LT. PJ
Nah, not a pompous ass at all. A really neat guy who I much appreciate come on here and say whatever the hell you want.
Thank you,
Semper fi,
Jim
Another try shorter. The second para is a summary of the hell it was to see this much death and destruction in less than a month. Sort of like a Marine being up stood at brace while his actions in the face of death and treachery are critiqued. And all of the searing review is delivered by a soul to see it’s pockets searched till the seams wear out. Get some rest. P.J.
2.7 million went over. 375,000 saw ground combat. 362,000 were killed or wounded. There are not many combat veterans
left yet I find, among them, so many saw so much and did so much that certainly did not bear repeating when they came home.
I would never ever have mentioned almost any of this odyssey back in my younger years for fear of being rejected or simply
not believed. Its not a real believable story to almost any that were not down in that valley, yet they come out, write on here,
and basically say the same things in different ways. I got some rest and now I’m back in the thick of it. Thanks so much
for caring.
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you for the review on the numbers. I had hands on way to many of them , still remember some very well. And thank you for your gracious response. Ps saw a film on YTube describing the Army units sent into that valley and reportedly they knew they faced a full Division.
Thanks Poppa for the usual classy response…and yes there was a division or more constantly down there shifting around. The only thing
that allowed for our survival was how difficult it was for them to get resupply so they were constantly running out of ammo, rockets
and more. When they didn’t shoot or attack it was because they did not have the weaponry or supply. Otherwise….
Semper fi,
Jim
I had never about their resupply problems, makes sense considering how much ordnance was dropped on both ends of that trail. Had breakfast with a retired Naval Aviator recently and he flew A6 off the Oriskiney. Lost his bunk mate in the fire, he was pushed off the catapult to the other end of the deck when it started. He has another story about a man sized hole punched in a wing pulling out of a drop run. Miracle return to the deck. I’m thru now. P.J.
Thanks for the ‘filler’ about the guys who so wonderfully provided the air support. A-6 and Skyraider crews were relentless and nearly fearless up
there…loved them…
Semper fi, my friend,
Jim
Night time fighting is the worst! Takes me back. You do a great service for us sir.
I avoided reflecting or going back for 50 years then I retired and I couldn’t avoid it anymore. The more I go back the easier it gets. Few were under the intensity that you and your company were. There were times my crew were in that close contact for extended periods and night time medical evacuation was the absolute worst.
Great story telling!!!
Yes, night resupply and evacuation was uncommon but it was also frightfully dangerous
and the attrition was beyond belief. Thanks for pointing that out.
Semper fi,
Jim
Really enjoyed it. Somehow it seemed that your writing was a little different.