First light was almost upon us. I peered around the left edge of the ammo box. What I saw told me that there would be no more pawing around through the supplies dropped by the choppers in the dead of night. Through the misty rain, and what was left of the gently blowing night, I could see a slightly darker wave moving out of the jungle towards us. I also knew that we were all as good as dead if we stayed in our current position. It was either time to attempt to run back to the company lines under what covering fire the M-60s, grenades, and the Ontos could provide us or get back inside the hole and, with air hopefully on the way, wait the attack out and pray our hole wasn’t found. Three options, with not one of them being without high mortal risk.
My near constant conclusion to evaluating combat solutions whispered out of my tight grimacing lips.
Vibrations from excitement or Adrenalin , waiting for the next chapter, thanks LT.
Thanks Jim. Meeting in Santa Fe at the rendezvous. I will be on it in my hotel room though.
Semper fi, and thanks for the compliment.
Jim
Penny lane. Same as Col. Paul Cumberland in my tribute. Google his name
Read that, and thank you Dan.
Semper fi,
Jim
Damn it! I want to keep reading. I vividly remember the first time I ran into the face of enemy fire. My view of what was happening was never the same as that of a company commander who knew where all his pieces were on the board. It was that of a Marine Sgt who’s world was no larger than that of an infantry squad. Looking back I remember my biggest fear was getting one of my Marines killed. I know I was scared but my mind was keeping me occupied with all that being a squad leader entails. I remember running and no mater how near or far the cover I was running to was, it seemed like it took a lifetime to cross. When we finally cleared the Haj out, the silence scared me nearly as much as going into the attack. Just being there though. In the very spot those little bastards had been trying to kill me from. With all of my Marines without a scratch on em, all trying to catch their breath like me. I remember thinking that I had now proven my worth as a Marine like my Father before me in Vietnam. I had never been more proud of being a leader of Marines than I did at that moment. I’m sorry if I’m being long winded here. Your writing has a way of putting a person in the boots and under that helmet and when you’ve been there and done that the memories and feelings all come rushing back. Keep writing Marine!
thanks Vince. Your writing here is really something. Thanks for the straight from the heart stuff.
I don’t mean for vets to have awful memories brought back, although I also know that most don’t ever lose them.
The idea here is to have a place to share those memories and know that the kind of oh so personal jungle warfare was not performed alone.
A lot of the really awful stuff happened to others and nobody knew….like me….
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you for writing your story. I have refereed to myself as a shadow warrior since my return home in 1970 after serving in the valley with the 101st. I I wouldn’t tell anyone that I served Vietnam because of the hate toward us vets. A shadow warrior is one who has experienced war and lives in it’s shadow, afraid to admit my participation in its horror and, yet proud to have served my country. We all carrie some guilt of surviving. I have enjoyed and can relate to all your segments and will purchase several copies to give to my family members. I will try to make to Santa Fe.
It would be great to meet you Gene. I think the nation harbors a great band of shadow warriors, as you describe them.
It seems natural when the revelations they might make, and have probably aid a price for making earlier on, are not accepted
or believable by a public that simply gets to enjoy the results and not participate in the carnage…
See you soon, I hope…
Semper fi,
Jim
“No, I’m staying with the Men”……at that moment..with that simple statement..you became what you had dreamed of becoming one day….”A Leader of Men”….Do you remember the giant Billboards that were placed next to our nations highways all across the country? Those pictures of a new Marine Corps Officer in Dress Blues with raised Saber in Salute…A Leader of Men….that was your dream..and up until this very moment..it has eluded you….but not any longer…you were branded with the hotest iron imaginable…it was burned into your soul and even the surety of impending death was not able to take it from you…The pure, singular thought that you were about to lead a charge into the face of death…probably the most powerful moment of your life..and no chance or time to recognize it…..just a “simple’ decision… Now go “get some’ Lt…..Semper Fi
Now that specific moment in the books is an interesting one to highlight and capture as vitally illustrative of my accomplishment. Was it really that deep, that comment? Did the Gunny get into the Ontos to illustrate and outline that time in hell, one of the very rare
moments where I truly felt like a Marine officer? Did he help me again in one of his weird almost ‘alien’ ways? I can’t be as definitive as you are here about that. I truly don’t know. I did not come home feeling like a leader of Marines, at any point of the odyssey. I sometimes wonder and imagine an old Marine Officer of high
rank up on his sofa at night reading the first TDHS volume and marking it up like I might if I hadn’t written it. Would that old Marine see the exploits the way you do or simply nod his head occasionally and smile at reading stuff that simply could not be true at all? I would never expect a medal from
the result of his reading, were he in a position to grant or approve one. I would expect that he or she might set the book aside and wonder. The wonder would be about whether he might think it worth it to let his Marines read the book and then respond, getting back to him orally, or in the field
should they got there, letting him know by their conduct. Would he know if he observed them closely? Would his Marines be better Marines by the reading?
Thanks for more of your baffling stuff Larry. You are a delight and a class act…
Semper fi, my brother….
Jim
Thank you LT from a vet that’s walked the valley. We know the hell we went through and I thank you so much for telling it, so others will become aware. Love your writting, looking forward to the third book. I know that this has to be rough on you but hopefully help full too. Thank you again bring back memories which can be good to get them out. God Bless and keep going.
thanks a lot Richard. Santa Fe rendezvous is just up ahead….like the proverbial signpost up ahead. Hope you make it to that special event!!!
semper fi,
Jim
“The Marine Corps delivered in a broken sort of tattered leadership way but delivered. The Army delivered in the following role, but also effectively delivered.” The membership of our PTSD group is comprised of Army, Seabees, and Marines. We all served in various capacities. Our acknowledged leader is a Marine. (not was, right?) Three other marines were corpsmen. For sure, we Army vets take a lot of guff from the Marines, from challenges to jokes about what it is like to NOT be a Marine. If the shit ever comes down on this group I know who I will look to for leadership and support. We are all brothers.
By ‘following’ I meant for our unit not in the war. Remember that i fought in a very small place. Have nothing, nothing, but admiration for the Army and all the
care and help they showered down upon us to get by. I Would not be here without the Army!!!
Semper fi,
Jim
Wonderful chapter, great read and so real to what it was. Even thou I was there (army infantry ) like you for one month. it will be with me forever, kind of weird for me it did not bother to much till I had bladder cancer in my late 50, but since then more, maybe because I was again looking at my possible death up close . Although thru God and two wonderful surgeons, I am still here over 10 years later. I think the internet and all the info about war and everyone is a hero. not sure what others think, but for me that is a sore spot, we know that is not the case, mostly in war and in life we do what we have to survive. Of coarse there are the rare cases of heroism. But just because I severed and I was in battle does not make me hero. Sorry for the rant. Don
Mostly, Don, I do not read ‘rants’ on here. I read expressions written from the heart that might not appear anywhere else. This is kind of a safe zone
for discussing the undiscussable. Thanks for your own perspective and your own experiences. I am not certain why the memories of that war haunt so deeply
and remain so imbedded inside our minds. The intensity has something to do with it, I am certain. Anyway, thanks for writing what you went through and
are going through to this day.
Semper fi,
Jim
“… why the memories of that war haunt so deeply and remain so imbedded inside our minds.” For some understanding I suggest “The Body Keeps the Score – Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. He is a psychiatrist who has pioneered novel techniques for healing. He has little regard for pills or talk. At one point he worked for the VA but gave up in disgust.
This chapter and the comments are particularly moving.
Many thanks. Blessings & Be Well to all.
Thanks Dan, means a lot to me, those kind words of support…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, The writing of your experience, your voice for those unable to speak of theirs, for those who’ve never experienced & for those who’ve thought this was ancient history – Thank you. I come from a later time in the Army, just outside this window of Hell. What experience I do have tells me your book should be required reading, not just for all the Academies, but for every ROTC program, for aspiring Officers, NCOs & Enlisted. And for every politician – those that will send America’s young men & women to the river Acheron & Charon’s ferry. Most sincere regards, Doug
Well, I get some compliments Doug, but not usually anything like the length and breath that you have gone through here.
Thank you so much. You can see stuff I cannot from the inside. I just write the story as best I can and have no real idea what the response is going to be like on here, even though
what the comments say on here mean so much to me. i keep going, as best as I can. Trying to use J, one of the vets as my spirit guide. he’s dying and I am trying to not only give
him something to take his mind off of that but also so he can get the end of the Vietnam part of the story before the event occurs.
Thanks so much for writing this…
Semper fi,
Jim
Jim, Seems to me that J is lucky to have you as a friend. Just sayin’. Doug
Thanks Doug. The modern age. We can be pretty close friends with someone we’ve never met or are likely to meet.
J is definitely one of those. He yells at me upon occasion but it is always from the depths of his giant heart.
Thanks for noticing…
Semper fi,
Jim
James,
Thanks for the kind words about the Army helicopter pilots. I flew with the Black Widows Helicopter Assault company, 101st, (1969) and made several flights into the Ashau Valley and across it. We had a great group of guys who were always “willing to give it a try”.
Yes, in the last segment I wrote about some disgruntlement with chopper support in some of the men’s minds.
Never forget how much we all longed to leap into the air with you….going up to where it was supposedly cool, and then back to imagined
hot food, a cot, sleep and air conditioning. There comes resentment from time to time, until you come to give us what we needed and the pick us up
when we are broken and dying without your help. The Army choppers performed flawlessly, as did the Marines…in reality.
Semper fi
Jim
The chopper pilots and medevacs, were the unsung heroes of the Vietnam War, without a doubt!
Yes, there were truly overlooked when it came to decorations and honoring… Hope you are okay J
and I know you won’t be in Santa fe. Will be thinking of you there and here too… Thanks and God bless my friend,
semper fi,
Jim
Yes, I am still hanging in there by a thread and thanks for asking about my situation. Having to rely heavily on pain meds now, so won’t be too long. There is something to be said about the waiting, rather then going quickly, but I guess there is a reason for everything.
Would love to be with my comrades in Santa fe, but just not possible these days. The closest I get to that situation, is reading your book and the comments that follow. Hey, I can still relate!
My thoughts are with all of you and blessings as well. Remember Jim, old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
What am I to do when you go silent? What are those of us to do when there’s no little ‘click’ of the radio button to let us know you are still with us?
I write on, of course, but, as with the twists and turns I stored up so effectively and held to my center of being for so many years, I don’t want to do it.
I know I must. For me, for you and for the guys…and gals on here….I hate the selfishness of thinking about it. How badly I will miss you and not feel so sorry for you passing, as sorry for me living on without you here to
badger me, to irritate me, to rush me along….with care. Thanks for being with me through most of the trip…and thanks for coming on with your special voice to accompany along the way, like
the Gunny.
Semper fi,
Jim
I did not expect you in Santa fe, but then…I never expected anybody to be here for the rest of the trip either!
Yes the BLACK WIDOWS. They flew us in and out. What a bunch. Flying on their noses most of time.
thanks for the comment RT
Semper fi,
Jim
James… I was hooked by the time I finished the first Paragraph. Although I was an Innocent Bystander, Gulf Of Tonkin Yacht Club (USS Kittyhawk) from 1970 til 1973…our squadron lost 2 planes and 4 aircrew during the summer of ’72 and I buried my Best buddy from High School in June of 69 I still was spit on and called a babykiller when I got off the plane coming home. I’m still not sure how I feel about it all… BUT…reading “30 Days” is perhaps helping me put it all in perspective… Thank You. I bought books 1 and 2 and I am awaiting book3.