Arch Patton
DOWN IN THE VALLEY
Chapter 2
By J. Strauss
Arch Patton, Down in the Valley, Chapter 2
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Some minor editing suggestions follow:
He reminded Arch of the character ‘Angel’ on Rockford
/ cultural reference. Doesn’t mean a thing to me who never watched that TV show /
Ghost of Christmas past
Capitalize “Past”
Ghost of Christmas Past
/ took we a few seconds to comprehend the ornaments referred to the cuffs and ankle chains /
abandoned his opposite number. That partner had to be the one person
Present tense seems better. It’s an ongoing code of conduct.
abandons his opposite number. That partner has to be the one person
No matter what the mission Frank’s conduct was unforgivable, and Arch
Punctuation: maybe comma after “mission” (short pause) and semicolon after “unforgivable” (long pause – change of direction)
No matter what the mission, Frank’s conduct was unforgivable; and Arch
when the winter waves crash onto the rocks. Any entry into such waters would be near
Maybe add “then” after “entry”
/ Seems as if people enter the water in the Summer /
when the winter waves crash onto the rocks. Any entry then into such waters would be near
has one simply mission in this world
“simple” instead of “simply”
has one simple mission in this world
Arch asked. “Virginia wants
“Arch asked” might better be moved to the end of the previous sentence.
Rabbit Island with satellites, do you?” Arch asked.
/ Then continue dialog with “Virginia wants /
Having stayed many times Arch
Maybe add “there” after “stayed”
Having stayed there many times Arch
He glanced over at where he knew Virginia’s room to be along the windows of the east wing,
/ If Arch’s room faces South and Virginia’s room faces East and Arch can view her room then it seems her room must be to the west of his. / Maybe west wing?
He glanced over at where he knew Virginia’s room to be along the windows of the west wing,
/ ELSE if it really is an east wing then Virginia’s room faces West. /
Arch new Virginia would be punctual
“knew” rather than “new”
Arch knew Virginia would be punctual
Text has indents to begin paragraphs but no blank lines between paragraphs. Is that what you want?
Blessings & Be Well
DanC