I felt a large hand grip my left bicep, as I stood gazing with Fusner down into the hypnotic A Shau Valley below. The hand gently guided me backwards. I didn’t resist, turning to see the man I already knew the hand had to belong to.
“Why do you suppose this clearing is left alone on the edge of the jungle, as cleared and clean as it was when it was created?” the Gunny asked, pulling me slowly back to where the jungle smoked, and would continue to smoke for days as the white phosphorus I’d brought down in the night would continue to eat its way deep into the muck under the vegetative covering above. I knew the answer but didn’t answer. When we were back among the bodies and piles of blackened debris the Gunny answered for me.
“Artillery registration point,” he said, squatting down to begin work on one of his coffee concoctions he’d addicted me to, as well. I took out my canteen, poured it half full and squatted down next to him, both of us working our small metal pots over the single burning chunk of explosive he’d lit. I looked back across the bare rock area. The Gunny was right. I wondered how I’d forgotten the danger of being exposed anywhere upon it, and exposing Fusner, as well.
Looking at the Helo – ET was HMM 262 a sister squadron to us at Quang Tri air base , we were HMM 163. Brought back those times .
Jim, Minor typos. Welcome back, Dave.
“Did you hear that corporal?” I asked. “I’m a shitty commander but a great leader, according to the Gunny..” => either 1 extra period or 1 too few
“No joy in Mudville. The last line in that poem.” => joy should be capitalized as the name of the poem.
Noted and corrected.
Thanks agin Dave
Semper fi,
Jim
James
At the end of the 11th day, there are no arrows to take you to the next chapter. Am really enjoying, if that is a good word, your book. Was in the Gulf on a carrier 68-69.Hard to believe, after as much ordnance we loaded out, that there was anything left. Thank you for this book.
Thanks Dan for reading and liking the story.
We sure used a lot of the stuff you loaded.
There was no end to American ordnance in that war,
at least not the part of it I worked.
Thanks for the supply and your compliment.
Semper fi,
Jim
LT, I see you bust on yourself for typos and other small errors. They matter much less than getting this story written. Fix what you can, but you now have a team of readers and editors backing you up, so don’t waste a lot of time fretting over any of that. We’ll get it squared away before it’s time to publish. You’re the writer, and it’s your job to get the story down. Cool?
Paragraph and Correction: The Gunny finished his coffee, drinking his last dregs down
Paragraph: “If you want respect then get yourself Correction:…to replace what we lost.”
Paragraph and Correction: “Where are you going?” I asked instead,
wondering why both men
Paragraph and Correction: “One at a time down the path?” the Gunny asked, handing back the binoculars with a grin on his face.
Paragraph: “Let’s get started,” I said. Correction: …possible at
night. Also…
Thanks for the help Arnie. Correcting away….
Semper fi,
Jim
I think that this is a true story. It may be told as a fiction. But I think that it is told from the heart as it happened. I know a lot of vets that lived it and it all lines up with what they have told me GOD bless those that have ben there. And GOD bless you James Strauss. Welcome home. Thank you for your service.
Thank you billy. It’s kind of hard to tell the ‘truth’ about anything these days because
almost everything one writes or say is available to everyone and everyone has a different perspective
and feelings about the ‘truth’ as you or I may relate it.
Thanks for being here and thanks for reading the story…and really thanks for welcoming me back!
Semper fi,
Jim
Truth is relative only to the story teller. What is real for one may not be real for another. 6 pilots on a mission, all 6 come into same landing zone, taking same fire, getting out, back to An Hoa, Baldy, wherever….each saw the mission unfolding differently from their respective seats. What was real, was the fear. Each pilot had to remove the seat cushion from their butt cheeks albeit at different angles.
How very very true Pat, and I restate my own experience, now related all these years
later. It is impossible not to publish as a novel because of how flawed we are under
such emotional and harsh circumstance. Thank you for that wisdom from like experience.
Semper fi,
Jim
Just some thoughts running thru my head………..Keating and his white socks, No boots , his watch, … did the watch come home with U ? Did he have a wife ? … I had two husbands who had gone to Vietnam, one a Marine who never wore underwear, I never asked why, but, having read a story last yr. I found out why.. Neither could talk of their time there.. I don’t understand why more women , wives of Vets aren’t reading, i’m a huge war history buff (esp Vietnam) having graduated H.S. 68 , your writing is almost hypnotic, you just can’t stop . reading …. …. thank you ! I wish more ppl really cared about what really happened , everyone seems to only remember the Calley incident ..
The most satisfying part of writing the story has turned out to be
the comments so many wonderful people have made. Like your own. As you read you discover
why my own family and friends are getting the story for the first time, all the way through, for the first time.
It’s not a believable story and it does not leave a glowing impression about the heroism of me or anyone around me.
It’s grit and dirt and shame and loss…and then loads of regret.
And again, that stuff is not only not believable, nobody wants to believe it even if they have or do!
The citizens want it to be the fake Marines raising the fake flag on Iwo for the second time…no!
They want those guys to have been the ones who charged up that hill and took
it from the Japanese. And there it is.
The real guys cannot say anything because they will be cast even further out.
They will not get the job, the girl, the family or anything but an old coat, a bottle
and a cemetery spot to sleep in as long as they are not rousted and moved on….
Thanks for writing about this.
And thanks for being caught up in the story.
Semper fi,
Jim
Your personal courage telling the raw, unvarnished truth today leaves me in awe, sir. I join the hundreds, perhaps thousands of others who have become addicted to the story. Thank you for sharing what so few are able. I notice my stomach had that deep, low grinding unexplained fear I remember from much of my time in the Army 70-79 as I read this, even though I was not in country. The race problems & violence are especially familiar. I have to confess when I see one of the Brothers in the VA my age I wonder if he was one of the 4 guys thumping a guy with bunk extenders back in 71 who complained about their smoking dope & playing loud music in an open barracks at 3 AM & went back for a second round. That insanity that was there trough out my Army “career” was really bad in Korea & bad stateside until the last of the draft left…then it let up some. We had quiet fragging incidents in Korea. I was EOD & later an MP. I was on orders for RVN in 71 & spent 4 days in the madness that was Oakland Army Base in Feb. of 72 then returned to my own slot since so many units were standing down. I am grateful, actually, for that & your story reminds me of why. Thank you for telling the truth for the time & place you were in country. No one wants to hear anything but bull shit usually. Reality gets edited out to the “narrative”. Thank you for serving as we say in our generation & telling the story others are unable to. I am so glad wives are reading this.
I haven’t seen evidence that many wives are reading the story. A couple have made comments.
Yes, I do believe now, in reflection, that if might help the
wives understand why their husbands feel that they will not burden their wives with their
living nightmares without realizing that the burden they land on her shoulders
is greater than that if they told those awful things.
Part of recovery from this is realization that you can do good works
and be redeemed for the shit we did, had to do, really had to do.
Wives are a hell of a lot less judgmental about this sort of thing than most men
would believe and they can be the best therapists in the world.
But only if they are brought into that world. So, if my ‘world’ story helps
then I am thankful. And thank you for saying that.
Semper fi,
Jim
Jan, maybe I can answer your question about the wives. I was a Navy Corpsman who did my time with the Marines in Vietnam. In August 1965, we lost a baby that we had been trying for for almost 5 yrs. I was headed to Nam at the time, and my wife took that as a sign that I was going to be killed, so she would not have to raise the baby alone. She was 5’8″ and weighed in at 135 when she lost the baby. When I returned, she weighed only 96 pounds. Last year, I wrote a book of short memories of my 12 years in the Navy. She refuses to read it, saying “I lived through Vietnam–I don’t want to read about it”. OH, and as an after-thought, anyone who wishes to look at my page, Photo Memories of Vietnam and see the 1st Med Bn Field Hospital that the author referred to–it is the face page. That was it as it was originally when we built it as 3rd Med Bn, before turning it over to 1st Med on Christmas Eve 1966.
I am certainly not intimating that your wife is a problem,
but she is emblematic of some of the bitter experiences that guys who really
went through the shit have to deal with.
That hurts. When someone close chooses not to accept the sharing of that
pain it hurts, pure and simple…and the closer the person the greater the hurt.
More hurt. Another helping of porridge please.
I was at First Med, of course and it was one hell of an efficient place to be. Thank you!
Semper fi,
Jim
Jan, wonderful comment.
I am surprised how many wives are sharing this with friends.
Also the number of younger people are finally understanding
WHY their father, uncles, and grandfathers were a bit “different”
in some areas.
I share this site with so many and they have been appreciative
I am betting that the “oil” in those boots is really Mosquito Repellent.
So, you are a gambling man, Glenn. I sure had a lot to learn and not learned nearly
enough in only ten days. Thanks for noting and then thinking about those boots.
Semper fi,
Jim
ROFL I’m guessing that some foot problems will come up next.
Thanks for coming to that conclusion Marcus, because it takes some in depth reading and
thinking, and a bit of life experience to thing those kinds of things through.
Semper fi,
Jim
Yes, I was there too. It’s so long ago now but I can remember all the intensity as it was yesterday. ROFL And getting back at folks that didn’t understand that the book goes bye, bye in the bush.
Army here.
Thanks Marcus, for the comment and the astute observation.
The book goes out because the book is improperly written,
and now I wonder if it is not deliberately done that way.
How could training be so far from reality?
Why is the military set up to work so rigidly efficient back
in the barracks but falling apart in the field?
Is that all by accident? And has it changed at all with the advent
of the all volunteer professional military of today?
Thanks for the comment and your writing it here.
Semper fi,
Jim
Although I was not a Marine there were so many parallels between your experiences as a young 2LT and me being an Army 2LT in the Nam at about the same time. I was a FNG LT; I was a replacement platoon leader to an Army unit who got the living crap beat out of them in the Ashau Valley. The Platoon I was assigned to experienced more than 50% casualties in the Ashau. Thank God I mixed it. After Infantry OCS I was assigned to six months stateside duty at Fort Carson. In 1969 the Army did not assign any OCS graduates directly to Nam; they required the new 2LT’s to serve stateside for 6 months. In my new platoon there were a couple of Buck Sergeants who had just come from Viet Nam to spend a few months before they were discharged. We were about the same age and got to be friendly. Anyway these two buck sergeants gave me some of the best advice I ever received. Their words as close as I can recall were- “even though you are an LT you don’t know shit about combat. Forget everything the Army taught you in OCS and when you get to your unit in the Nam grab your platoon sergeant and tell him you don’t know shit and your want his help to make sure you don’t get anybody killed because of something stupid you do”. And if he is a good platoon sergeant he will appreciate your comments and will do everything to help you. That worked well. That advice has worked well in life- do not be afraid to admit that you do not know everything and be open to help. The other good advice I received was just as soon as you get in country throw away your underwear as you are going to be wet most of the time and the underwear will rub you raw and cause infections. That also worked well. The last thing was to always keep an extra pair of dry socks.
In the company I was assigned to the CO was an older ROTC Captain, a West Point 1LT who was being promoted to Captain and was being reassigned to be a Company commander, a ROTC 2LT, and an incoming West Point 2LT. With my experience I was not impressed with any of them. The 1LT West Point had the knowledge but did not have any people skills- nobody liked him- I was afraid he would get killed by his soldiers before he got reassigned. The other West Point officer just wanted to be one of the guys and got hooked up with smoking weed with his troops. The troops ran that platoon- no leadership at all- he was finally reassigned and sent elsewhere. The poor ROTC 2LT had neither the knowledge or the skills- didn’t last but a few weeks. I lasted but did bump heads with the CO on a few occassions due to some ill thought out orders. He was promoted to Major and was assigned to the Battalion HQ staff. We got a second tour Captain and I got along with him a whole lot better and we had a much better working relationship.
Another great rendition of military history. So many of you guys on here with interesting back grounds
and strange, if not downright weird tours of duty.
IF you were seeking justice in the Universe than Vietnam was not where you
wanted to end up by any means.
Thanks you for this rendition of your own and the advice you were given,
which as all spoton and I’d have loved to receive myself before going in there.
Thanks for the support and making this richly described comment.
Semper fi,
Jim
Got out and burned everything that associated me to the military. Your comment on leaving military service off your resume is funny . Thought I was the only one who did that.
I wrote the only article I ever published in the New York Times about being denied
a position with a big company because of my military background. I think there are
a lot of us who came back to find that veterans of combat are liked in general, at a distance,and
not specific and up close. That discovery has remained mostly true and valid.
Thanks for your own confirmation…
Semper fi,
Jim
One curious comment that may seem critical but not intended. You write about and others mention them–FNG’s. Were these guys just dumped in the field and into combat with little or no training about how to survive? It appears to me that the air conditioned commanders only cared about enemy Kia headcount and not the survival of new troops. I can see how when dumped on a unit in the field there could be little instruction on survival for these guys. You could have easily been a stat your first few days. The war protests hurt me when I got out of the army and came home. Now, after reading this, I wish I could have protested. Too many boys lost their lives due to the office chain of command and their asinine orders. I was proud of my service, now not so sure.
I was put directly into active ongoing combat when I was taken from Da Nang and flown right to a combat
unit within 24 hours of getting off a plane. FNGs were exactly like that. In they came and out they went.
There was no instruction, no training there and only a pack of supplies and a gun. And yes, they died so many
times in only hours after reaching he field. That first night. Who’s ready to be deaf and blind and lost
on a front line of battlefield where everyone else is hiding or not to be found…and waiting for you to die
so they don’t have to. I am sorry it was that way. I don’t know how it is today.
Unbelievable? Yes, and that’s why this writing of 30 days is so controversial.
Semper fi,
Jim
Thank you James Nam 69-70 USMC
You are most welcome Tim. I’m not sure I deserve thanks, exactly. Sort of a judgement call based upon
perspective. But I really appreciate the support and the kind words…
Semper fi,
Jim
OK Jim, a question Lake Geneva? Do you know where Mosinee is?
Yes, its up above Steven Point. Haven’t been there in years. Like the place though and Stevens Point too.
When I worked for the CIA used to visit Stevens Point because they
had the supply depot for most of the NVG equipment of the time.
Thanks for commenting…
Semper fi,
Jim
Hell, It would be a pleasure to buy you a beer, even a few of them, and have a talk, Yes I came back, tried to go civilian, Met a judge one morning and we discussed my future travel plans, So, I went back and became a career man….. Yes civilians loved us from afar, But don’t get close enough for them to smell the death that became part of us, They become jumpier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, Chism; Pat Garrett: Well, I’m upwind and I smell it on you.
Billy the Kid: Buffalo?
Pat Garrett: Death.
Billy the Kid: I see what you mean. Can it ever go away? That smell I mean.
Pat Garrett: Sure it can, with time, good company and patience. Chism;
Pat Garret: Well I am up wind of you and I can smell it on you.
Billy the Kid: Buffalo?
Pat Garrett: Death….
Billy the Kid: Can it ever go away? That smell…
Pat Garrett: Sure it can, with time, good company and patience…
The problem was Civilians did have the Time or the Patience or the Will, Because they thought they new who we really were from the news…….
Civilian: Welcome Home, Why are you that way, I never did anything to hurt you!
Me in my mind: (OK…. What have you done for us?) never said a word because it would be like yelling into a canyon all you would get back would be the echo of your own voice….
Semper Fi…. Bob
I get some deep comments and then I get some well researched and thought out deep comments that have
bitter hard and accommodated pain at their foundations. This is one of those. The pain is real but submerged…running silent and running deep,
a Navy submariner might whisper. Yes, it is all there and it eminates from us. If you have killed up close and personal that you know things about
killing that citizens, real citizens, are never going to be able to figure out. If confronted and threatened, which is not that uncommon in the
American macho culture, the citizen threatening has no clue that death is sitting across from him or nudged up to him at the bar. That the decision about
who is going to live and who is going to walk away has already been taken from him. That he lives will not come as a gift to him in knowledge, for he won’t know
and would never believe. It would also completely escape him that your reticence in doing devastating things to him is from perfectly selfish motivations.
You don’t want to add him to your night-visiting ‘friends.’ You do not want to even damage a pinky in hurting him. This is a funny world to be a real predator
in and to be completely in disguise at all times. But it is in not doing further damage or giving out death that we former combat veterans shine. We, and the cultures of
the world are the better for it and we know that, even if most of them do not.
I am glad you are here with me, and us.
Semper fi,
Jim
I read that you came out of the catholic school system in Duluth, MN. I thought you might like to hear about the old Cathedral High School building on w. 4th st. In the 1980’s, a group of us formed up a committee and the Bishop of Duluth gave us that building. We built a collection of low income issue people including food, clothing and housing. I was amazed by the amount of old soldiers who were homeless and hungry. We managed to organize enough help to get most of them sheltered and fed. I thought you might like the serendipity of that connection to your past.
That was my school, with the church across the street. I sure broke a lot of ice
from those walks and playgrounds. Somehow the nuns knew the young guys needed to do stuff all the time.
Thanks for that comment. Glad the building is still there. They took down the old Coast Guard house
I lived in right near that bridge. They build a bunch of apartments or condos on the land.
Loved the pier and the run all the way down from the school every day.
Great thanks!
Semper fi,
Jim
Back again Paul……
Did you catch my reflection posted last year?
Monsignor
No. This is the first writing of your work I’ve read. It is very good, and I will look at more as time goes on. I had a friend who just died last year. His name was Jim Northrup and he was a marine who wrote extensively about his service. He had a life like you write about, unconnected to corporate reality, full of funny, profane impeccable wisdom driven by his service and race. (He was a Chippawa) Good man, good read. Same as you Keep writing.
Paul Dwyer
Thanks Paul. I have sort of lived life burning the candle toward the center form both ends.
That part’s is undeniably true. Sorry you lost your friend.
Thanks for the comparative compliment and putting it on here for everyone to see.
Semper fi,
Jim
Tremendous ability to weave a story in and out and put us there. It’s one thing to tell a story and quite another to put it to paper and make it incredibly readable for anyone. I’ve read a multitude of books on Nam and this one is easily the most interisting, and the ability to read the comments is a book worth reading by itself. Thanks again, the comments must be time consuming , but very interisting to get other Vets observations.
The comments are worth it. At my age you either stay very busy or you slowly stop moving.
The comments also have a current life in them that permeates me and the story, in a way.
I’m not sure how, really, but I know it’s true. You guys are somehow having a say in recreating the past
and although I am not consciously aware of that I know it is there.
Strange thing to say, I guess, but as near to the truth about why
I am involved personally in all comments as I can get.
thank you.
Semper fi,
Jim
I like your story you put me back there. We were getting clean clothes about 1st a Month. They came in a bag and they dump them on the ground. The Co gets his 0nes a week . lol
Why in hell was that the best they could do with utilities, sox, underwear and boots.
Underwear and sox came more often than utilities though. We burned out old stuff because
we didn’t want the chopper crews to put up with that smell.
thanks for the comment and the clarity of it…
Semper fi,
Jim
Wow? underwear,sox.When we got to the firebase after six weeks in the bush.those things rotted off our bodies out there. And really boots every month. I love you man.